The bad things always tends to pleasure!
For a moment, the calm consequences to measure up, shake down and run over it evil, yields back evil.
I sort out the type that ought to be beautiful while it lasts forever
I sort out deep emotions
I sort out intimate conversations and connections that made her never ever want to loose sight of my gaze in her heart. My essence was embedded deeper than a double edged sword would cut through her flesh living scars for life with no feels. She'd never ever gaze at me the same. NATURE heard her cry
We would stand on plateaus, she'd hold my hands and she'd utter words that would hunt me for life "you'll never find the love like mine" I'd get scared and a reassuring expression of satisfaction lit up her face. Threatened by the things that should have been warming but now when they fall, they quake the surface in contact. She did utter these things effortlessly just because she did her part when we first collided. DISDAIN she wrote on the canvas of mine heart.
What ever it was that possessed me to recklessly bring hurt upon such a beautiful soul now brought about my damnation. Nowadays I wander towards aimlessness, searching for good tidings that use to shower me in awe of the calming effects of the expressions revealed from hearty blossoms. Oh LOVE at thou sting
She cursed me not commit, she was the unforgiving fury scorned from my betrayal. She would taunt my words and render them as gibberish when she fell to the purpose of deception on the next pure heart(prey).
I would weep and beg that your burden be lifted but you were daft.
I would leap and peg onto a mirage that seemed of redemption from resemblance, yet emptiness was my reward
I should reach out in atonement, but my appeal was a virtue that was never petitioned
I was led to never know true feelings that yearn for belonging
I was led to never ever again reciprocate what is right with that which is wrong!
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138,580 Literary Works • 672,172 Reviews
Hia! I saw you doing reviews and thought I’d put your story on my list! And now it was finally chosen by the most amazing randomizer I have: my trusty d20 =D
Hmmm my first thought is actually that you might find the grammar tutorials on YWS really helpful :3 I always find that typos and the like can be ignored but that the overall experience is much better if the story is well-edited and grammatically sound :3 Here’s a link to the resources on YWS Grammar & Research Article Index ! If you need any help, let me know! I had a long, arduous journey into learning proper English grammar too @,@
Your story has a very lyrical feeling to it :3
And that’s a really cool expression! “Threatened by the things that should have been warming“
Hmm I felt like we had her being the unhappy, slightly arrogant one telling the narrator that they’ll never find a love like her but later, narrator says that they’ve hurt her? So maybe she’s been justified in apparently ending things?
I'm working on writing the rest of it.. I'm glad it calls to you. And I'll definitely be needing around structuring my grammars. #bighearts
hello, bladassare here for a review!!!
so I really liked this short story, it feels very much like a poem as well as a story. I specifically love the last few lines, they're beautiful.
there are a few spelling/grammar mistakes, but honestly, they kind of add to the emotion and chaos. the vocabulary in this is also amazing, lots of complex word usage. it honestly feels like one of the classic novels I would read as a kid, when I really couldn't understand the meaning behind it but loved looking at the beautiful writing.
let me know if you write more of this poetry/prose stuff, it's really cool!!!
have a great day!!!
It will be story written in poetry with the appropriate prose.. and I'm using the YWS grammar template to finish the story. I hope it'll be worth the read in time.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the dastardly S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - The main character has lost the love of a woman, but she still lingers in their mind, her sweetness tinged with poison.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to add more, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like the chaotic poetic feel of how the narrator feels with loving this woman. It’s frightening, but it feels so delicate, so desired. This narrator still feels the presence of the woman haunting his very heart, even to this day.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a thoughtful piece on the way lost love twists and turns someone’s heart, how it may follow someone for eternity. I enjoyed reading this and…
I wish you a magical day/night! ^v^
You have taken the words of awe from my heart with this review. Sincerely appreciate your critical response to this piece. I intend to add more like you suggest, over time..
Ahhh the rollercoaster of emotions throughout this piece was.... unconventionally pleasant. tbh its a great great piece and immensely luculent. The choice of words does not indeed miss, especially here in this line- I would leap and peg onto a mirage that seemed of redemption from resemblance, yet emptiness was my reward. It weirdly resonates with me and I think I like that very much.
Thank you so much, Nandi! Your words are truly warming.