Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
I charge around the corner, stopping to hide behind Aidan’s truck and see him and the stranger are in what could be euphemised as a ‘heated argument’. Aidan is lying on the top of a trendy red car, whose front window has been smashed through and has littered glass shards across the tarmac.
He sits up tenderly, holding his left arm close to his chest and using his other arm to cradle it while he makes his way off the car. When some wealthy guy walks off the beach his day is going to be slightly dampened when he sees his vehicle...or at least what remains of it.
Aidan reaches the ground once again, and has resumed some defensive stance just in time to avoid being slammed into the car again when hoodie guy takes another shot at tackling him.
Aidan sidesteps and flips through the air like a circus acrobat without ropes and lands behind the man, making a knife appear out of nowhere. So I was in a car with someone who carries hidden knives...great confidence booster.
The other guy turns around and pulls out a weapon of his own, flipping the safety off on his 9mm revolver as casually as someone would flip on a light switch. Aidan however gives him little chance to fire it as he bends forward and swings his foot up in a roundhouse kick, knocking the gun out of his hands. He gives our mystery guy little chance to recover as he comes up from the kick with his knives already slashing and arching towards the other mans abdomen.
The guy swiftly avoids it, leaping away like this is some extravagant dance, using his back foot as leverage to duck under Aidan’s wicked knife skills before slamming his fists into Aidan’s injured left shoulder.
Aidan’s face is a mask of pain and the man uses this to his advantage as he uses his other arm to punch Aidan upward in the jaw and then spinning to kick him squarely in the chest. Aidan goes flying, crashing into the front of his truck. A small scream escapes me before I'm able to cover my mouth with my hand, but it is carried away on the wind as the guy goes to retrieve his gun.
Aidan has still barely come around from his wipeout when the stranger walks up to him, the barrel of his gun staring down on Aidan's forehead at point blank range.
Now is my time to decide whether I do something: A-safe by running away to find help, although by then I know Aidan will be dead and his attacker would have fled, or: B- incredibly stupid. Me being me, I go with option B.
I scramble onto the roof of the car, catching our shooter by surprise when I come jumping off of Aidan's truck like a panther leaping from the tree as a ferocious growl rips from my voice-box. I land unceremoniously, crashing into the guy and we both go tumbling down to the ground and he loses his gun in the process.
Of course I haven't planned my intervention any further than this, so I'm completely unprepared when the man simply rolls me over so that I’m now trapped underneath him.
I hear a snap as I hit the road and this time my scream is completely audible at the pain in my right ankle. Black dots flash in my eyes, making me unable to see when the guy pins me underneath him with my arms at my sides. I thrash, trying to get free but he feels as heavy as a ton of bricks. He covers my face with his hand, pushing my head back against the stony ground and then I see the glint of a dagger in the sunlight being removed from his belt. How lucky I feel, having something sharp and shiny pulled on me for the second time in less than two days.
He shoves my head further into the tar, exposing my neck. I struggle like a bucking bronco but this has no effect, I even try biting him but he just curses and slams his leg into my ankle. I cry out and get the picture that I need to make killing me easier or else my final moments will be spent in as much torment as possible.
The dots in my eyesight are circling even more frantically now, my body is consumed with the pain and the cut from last night has reopened again. What both my attacker and I had not accounted for, was that through my distraction Aidan has received enough time to recover from his daze and slams into the guy, pushing him off of me.
The stranger does a bit of a backwards roll, but jumps to his feet in a matter of seconds. The dagger in his hand lookd rather insufficient in comparison to Aidan’s sword he holds while standing in front of me.
“If you know what's good for you, you'll take this chance I've given you to drop your weapon and leave while you still have your head attached to your shoulders. You should know better than to bring a butter knife to a sword fight.” Aidan’s voice stretches across the parking lot, controlled but containing enough of a treacherous violence to it to make goose bumps rise on my arms.
The guy in the hoodie places his knife back in his belt, then turns around and walks down the road and out of sight. As soon as he's gone, Aidan sags down to the ground, dropping his sword and it falls with a resounding clatter. He keeps breathing in and out deeply, catching his breath on his knees before he grabs his shoulder and pops it back into its socket. He gets back up again, walking over to his truck while I attempt to get up.
Agonising misery wracks my body, and I collapse back on the ground with my eyes squeezed shut. I pant while I tense my jaw against the pain when I shift myself into a sitting position, but I feel a hand grip my shoulder before I move any further.
“You’re going to injure yourself more if you keep on moving like that.” Aidan squats down on my right side, carrying a first aid bag and his sword.
“And how is it that you know what to do then?”
“We learn injury assistance when we’re like, five...don’t insult me...” it may have been meant to be a serious comment, but Aidan is grinning like a toddler on Christmas day.
He takes out some aspirin from the bag, swallowing two with a bottle of water he also carries in there.
“Well, are you going to provide a reason why Bruce Lee’s brother almost shot you or are we going to play the guessing game?”
“I can’t explain to you here....I need to set your leg and get out of here before our attacker comes back, probably with some more of his buddies.”
He stops taking out bandages and what looks like a rigid plastic shape, before turning to gawk at me. “Didn’t I tell you to run? I had it covered and if you had just done what I said you wouldn’t be hurt with a fractured ankle right now. You’re really stubborn you know that?”
“Well you’re very welcome, since I’m guessing this is your way of saying ‘wow, thanks Elena for saving my ungrateful ass from having a bullet stuck in my head right now’”
He chuckles and continues with what he is doing, placing the rigid thing next to my foot before wrapping it securely in place with a bandage while I bite down on my tongue. He offers me two aspirin and the water and I nod my head in appreciation before swallowing both, finishing the whole bottle in one gulp.
Once he’s done, he ties off the bandage knot and I brace myself to stand, determined to at least make my way to the car by myself after needing his help with my ankle. He laughs, shaking his head with his sensual mouth curved into a smile and I give up trying to stand when I fall back down on my behind, only making my ankle feel worse.
“Like I said, you’re a really stubborn fool.”
I look at him menacingly, putting all the sarcastic energy I possess into saying “Hmm, I don’t quite remember the fool part from before, but thanks for the compliment.”
He bends down and gently picks me up with his hands under my knees and back. I’m speechless and super annoyed that I’m as reliant on him now as a newborn baby until my ankle stops being so frustrating.
He carries me over to the car with a smug grin pasted on his face, the passenger door already open as he places me gently down. He runs back while I brood in my seat, removing my jacket and using it to line the passenger seat I’m getting my blood all over as it slowly stops flowing from the cut above my eye.
Aidan goes and fetches all his supplies and attaches his sword to the strap on his waist. He climbs back in and the car revs to life, before he peels out of there and gets back on the highway.
“So...care to enlighten me about the moves you pulled back there? And the reason why the guy was coming after us or how you knew to leave the building? Or where you kept your friggin sword while I was in the car? Or how come you seem ok after you just dislocated your freaking shoulder? Or-”
“...Ok, Elena, I may be able to process things slightly faster than normal people can but I can’t concentrate with the amount of emotions you’re letting off right now. Take a deep breath and focus on slowing down your heart rate before you give yourself heart palpitations.”
I close my mouth abruptly, taking in a few deep breaths before continuing.
“How do you know how to do the things you do? Fighting, helping set broken ankles? You know stuff NORMAL people have Google for!” He keeps his eyes on the road and his calmness seems to help me cool my rising temper too.
“Since the Clepsydra started, families have been helping to train their children to carry out the ideals of the Clepsydra category they belong to. My family has been Fatalists since some of the original Clepsydra started out, so we’re educated in most fighting styles and weapons and have amassed a large amount of knowledge on the history of the Clepsydra and parts they’ve played. That’s how I managed to hold my own against our mystery guy back there. I knew that he was coming after us because as I told you last night, I’m able to sense Alterates, and he just reeked of it. I can’t believe I didn’t notice it, I just got so distracted. If I had paid attention like I was supposed to then you wouldn’t have gotten hurt and I could have prevented any of this from happening and-”
I put my hand up to stop him, and he loosens the death grip he has attained while holding the steering wheel and pauses. “Aidan, stop blaming yourself. I was a fool like you said in the first place for thinking it was smart to try and get in the way of someone who threw you on a car like a bag of flour”.
“It is my fault and I’m probably going to get an earful from my dad about it when we get to my house so you should prepare yourself.”
I sit up further in my seat, turning my head to look at him. “Um, sorry? We’re going to your house! Won’t your parents be miffed at me rocking up uninvited, covered in blood and gravel when they don’t even know me!?”
He laughs to himself, and I smack him on the knees before he says “You really think you’re going to manage getting home while your ankle is healing? My mom will have my head if I turned someone away whom I put in harm’s way through my lapse in concentration when I’m supposed to be vigilant at all times.”
“What do you mean ‘while my ankle is healing’? If I fractured my ankle as you’ve proposed it’s going to take six to eight weeks to heal, which means I’m out for half the waterpolo season.” I sigh, rubbing my head with my fingertips, imagining attending matches to support whatever team I’m put in on crutches.
“Nope, that’s where you’re wrong. Since you’ve started using the Crossover you’re evolving, picking up the traits which make the Clepsydra unique. That fracture should take between four to six hours to heal, eight hours tops. We heal quickly in order to adapt to difficult situations, like being stuck in a trench with soldiers when health care basically sucked back in the day. I’ve been evolving for a bit longer than you, since I started my Crossovers from the age of fourteen so I heal a lot faster. That's the answer to your questions about being ‘ok’ when I have just injured my shoulder. It still hurt like hell when I dislocated it, but now it just feels like I’ve been working out too much. By the time we arrive at my house I won’t feel anything at all.”
I tense up again, feeling a jolt in the road go right through my foot. If this thing does heal as quickly as he said, today might actually show some promise to be improving from the crap I’ve experienced since waking up in the middle of last night.
Aidan stops at a traffic light, using the opportunity to glance around and check at how his makeshift ankle brace is holding up on me. I do my best to look like it doesn’t hurt at all but the closest I come is a grimace...the brace is helping immensely but my foot feels like it’s been crushed in a vice. Aidan sees right through my sucky attempt at covering it up and asks “It hurts a lot still though, doesn’t it?”
I nod, knowing he’ll just be able to see right through it if I lie to him with that accurate mental emotions detector of his. “It will feel bad for a while, since it's your first time recovering from an intense injury as an evolving Clepsydra.”
“How do you know I’m still new at this, still evolving?”
I watch him carefully, interested at how the sunlight seems to shine through his hair and highlight all the different shades of blue and green in his eyes.
“The fact that you were at Christopher Columbus’ landing in your pajamas was a huge indication...as you get more experienced your Crossovers become more advanced and you’re able to blend in with the people of the time you have stepped in to. You pull off the ‘just rolled out of bed’ look quite well though”
I laugh at this and his eyes crinkle in the corners too as he pulls off when the traffic light goes green. “Aidan, how did you know where I was last night, when I was hiding in the trees?” I say, looking out of my window. Last night seems to be a sore subject for him, as if me bringing up the fact that he came within inches of killing me chills him to his bones. I know he tries to hide it through the joking, but I can see he’s uncomfortable talking about it.
He swallows, his eyes losing their clarity as he clears his throat.
“You really have no idea of how strongly you make yourself appear to us, Elena. When you looked at me and recognized me for who I was I felt it in my core like a stone had been dropped in my stomach...not just a stone but rather a large boulder. It’s as if you were a magnet I was being inexplicably drawn to, like my internal compass couldn’t waver from anywhere but pointing in your direction. I’ve never experienced anything like it when hunting other Alterates. Never. It made it harder to kill you in a way, I would have been able to cut you down while you were running from me but something made me wait. If I hadn’t, you would probably be dead by now and I would be cowering in a dark hole somewhere for what I had done.”
This side of Aidan scared me. The side who I know is the predator which never let its prey get away, the one so different to his usual charm that it is frightening. I don’t know what to say, but all I can think to do is put my hand on his as it clutched at the gear stick. He unclenches his jaw, and his sombre face changes back to the Aidan I know more familiarly as we pull up to a drive way.
My jaw drops open unattractively as I stare unabashed at the grand exterior of what I assume to be his house. The gate itself is wrought iron, which spirals up in elegant patterns and the grey walls bordering it are blanketed in green ivy leaves. Aidan leans out the window, pressing in numbers on a keypad which causes the gate to swing open.
The house only seems grander as we drive underneath arches of large oak trees growing all along his circular driveway.
The houses façade is of grey bricks topped with white frames, flower boxes and a grand front door consisting of mahogany double doors inset with small blue stained glass windows. The whole place is set up in a French manor kind of style, but yet seemed so far-fetched from looking old in any way.
“THIS is your house? I would swear you lived in a renovated museum if I didn’t know better.”
“My whole family has an affliction for things steeped in history, so you’ll be fairly taken aback by the amount of oddities in the house. We have a large amount of heirlooms collected over time, but they all manage to blend in together somehow.” I’m at a loss for words and all I seem to be able to do is strain my head to allow for my eyes to follow the view all the way up to the roof of the house, which is at least three stories up.
The car has stopped and Aidan has already unbuckled himself and strode over to my side and opened my door. I take off my own seatbelt and am about to climb out when Aidan picks me up again and carries me through the front door.
“You know, I get that you don’t like getting a hand up from people, but there’s nothing wrong with receiving help when you need it.”
I blow a piece of hair out of my face, unwilling to let go of the hold I have around Aidan’s neck to make carrying me easier.
“It’s not that I don’t want the help, it’s just that I’m not used to being offered it. That's the issue. My parents do what they can, but I’ve pretty much been on my own when it comes to schoolwork and problems I come across in my life. They worry too much already for me to offload extra stress onto them and I’m the one helping Anna most of the time, it’s rarely the other way around.”
We walk into a kitchen, all cherry wood cupboards and granite tops gleaming spotlessly as he gingerly seats me on a countertop. He stops in front of me, bending to my eye level so that I’m able to define each of the colours and the goldish tinge around his pupils. “I’m not your parents or Anna, Lena. Being Clepsydra means that I am now involved in your business and I don’t intend to leave you to fight for yourself.”
He steps back grinning, switching on the kettle before smirking and doing away with the serious tone by saying “Besides, it would just be sad watching you get your ass handed to you on a plate every time you have to go up against an Alterate. You’re gonna get whooped if we don’t do something about that soon.”
He walks to a cupboard, taking out two mugs and placing them near the kettle as well as two teabags which he drops into the cups. “Sorry, but my family doesn’t drink coffee and after the day you’ve had you need to raise your blood sugar levels. You may not have realised it but the distance you jumped off my truck and onto the guy was not exactly reachable by most people. You’re evolving which means your muscles are working over-board to make up for the lost time they’ve had from getting a shorter period to develop in, seeing as you were supposed to start experiencing your Crossovers from a lot earlier on. Healing is also going to take a lot of energy out of you.”
I glance at the clock, noticing that its 2:00 PM and little alarm bells go off in my head “Yeah about that...um, is there any way to speed up this little healing process, because my dad is going to be at my school in about 30 minutes and will be firstly so mad and then worried before he has a total meltdown when I don’t show up.” Aidan pours the hot water into the cups, adding in sugar and milk before leaving the tea bags to steep for a while.
“I’ve already thought that out. Tell Anna that you fell on some rocks at the beach so I’m taking you to get it checked out but it’s nothing serious, and to tell your dad not to worry if he phones her after you tell him you’re staying at her house to study for a test or do a project for the night.”
Sounds like a pretty good plan to me, and considering that my dad would never even phone Anna in the first place makes it pretty fool-proof.
“Fine, I’ll text her now. Be right back.”
I steady myself on the countertops sides to ease myself off since my ankle was feeling a lot better, but Aidan simply takes me by the shoulders and pushes me back on, placing the cup of steaming tea in my hands.
“Nice try Lena. You may heal faster than the average person but you’re not indestructible so just hang ten while I fetch your phone. You left your jacket in the car right?”
I submit to his ruling, and nod my head which leads to him striding out of the kitchen in the direction of the entrance hall. My eyes rove around the kitchen, looking at the variety of cookbooks stacked on the shelves next to me and the family pictures lining the walls. I see a large framed photo of a man and women, holding a young child whilst standing outside this house. The next picture is of a little boy playing with a baby on the beach, both covered in sand and looking rather pleased with themselves.
I take another sip of my tea, feeling the milky liquid slide down my throat soothingly and I grasp both hands around the mug to warm my fingers. The wind outside has grown stronger and colder, causing me to rub my arms against the slight chill in the house. Its moaning can be heard through the windows lining the opposite ends of the kitchen, but all I hear is the sound of the front door being thrown open and car doors being unlocked.
More than one set of feet can be heard echoing throughout the house over the wooden floors and soon Aidan re-enters with my phone in his hand. He looks up at me; mouthing a silent ‘I’m sorry’ before a tall, toned yet graceful woman enters the room. I barely have time to register her long, champagne coloured hair or her forget-me-not blue eyes before I’m encased in a hug.
“Seriously Aidan look at the poor girl, is a cup of tea the best you could do? You could at least have cleaned the poor dear’s cuts before I got here, especially that nasty one above her eyebrow. James! Fetch me the medicine box on your way in please!”
A wide man built like a fortress walks in next, the spitting image of Aidan except for his hair greying at the sides or the laugh lines etched around his eyes.
“Genevieve dear, you’re crowding her. Give the girl some breathing room... I have the box right here now please stop fretting.”
I’m momentarily released from my up-close inspection while the woman and man open the box and look through its contents. I peer over at Aidan who’s leaning back causally against the kitchen doorway, his arms folded across his chest.
He strides over to me, jumping up onto the counter and taking the seat next to me before whispering “I would have liked a little more time to shout a ‘brace yourself’ from down the hallway before they forged ahead, but I would like you to meet my parents.”
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Hello! Happy Review Day!


I haven't read the previous chapters, so I'll be looking at this as a part of a greater whole.
There's a lot here, so I'm not going to go through and nit-pick, but rather give general thoughts and opinions (if you'd like me to go back through and nit-pick, I'd be happy to)
What I thought you did well:
Overall, I thought this was a well-written chapter. I love the voice. It's very authentically teen and fun to read. I think sometimes people can go overboard with the "teen" voice, but I really liked it. (It probably helps that, according to your profile, you're actually a teenager) :p
I also thought you had great descriptions. Throughout the entire chapter I had a really good sense of what was going on and I could picture everything really well in my mind. I think fight scenes are hard to write, but I had no trouble following it and everything was very clear to me. I think that's extra cool because I haven't read the previous chapters so I didn't know who these characters were, who they were fighting, and why, and yet I still really enjoyed it and followed it really well.
Speaking of your characters - I think you wrote them very well. Aidan and the girl (can't remember her name) both have distinct personalities. I obviously don't know all of the intricacies of their relationship or who they are, but even in this singled-out chapter I felt like I understood the and their motives. You did a nice job of explaining details of the world you've created without info-dumping and the situations you put your characters in and their reactions to those situations really made them shine, in my opinion.
Things I think you could work on:
These are fairly nit-picky things, because I really did enjoy this chapter. First, sometimes you slip into passive voice rather than active voice and I personally find that distracting. There are also some sentences and passages that are a little awkwardly worded for my taste. The descriptions of how they did things like animals didn't really work for me. If you'd like more descriptions of either of these things in the context of this chapter, I'd be happy to go back through and try and point them out for you!
And this isn't really something to work on, but a thought I had as I was reading this was that it reminded me of Twilight (by Stephanie Meyer) in a weird way. You have Aidan who is some sort of higher human form. Then you have the girl (who is also narrating the story like Bella Swan did), and I'm guessing there's a romantic connection between her and Aidan, and she's turning into what Aidan is (like Bella did). Aidan is all about protecting her and she's like this delicate flower almost. The house reminded me of the Cullen house. Aidan's parents reminded me of Edward's parents (both dads are doctors and both moms are nurturing types). It could just be me looking waaaaaay to far into this, but I thought I'd let you know I see a comparison in case you're a big Twilight fan or something and you're subconsciously making them similar
I really liked this though and I think after review day is over I'll read the previous chapters to see what I missed!
Let me know if anything I said was confusing or if you have any questions!
I just wanted to thank you for your very in depth and helpful review. I sometimes have problems with proof reading my work, as I read it over and over so often that I generally skim right over mistakes unintentionally, hence the active-passive voice confusion. I also sometimes write on a tablet and auto-correct is a very unfriendly thing. I have read the twilight books, but am not a huge fan...I personally found some of the characters very strange but I understand your comparison between them with the facts you've mentioned. I was intentionally making them similar, but hopefully with the release of more chapters I am writing a difference will start to emerge. Thank you once again for the review, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters leading up to this one
No problem! I'm glad you found it helpful
Wow that is a lot of words... whew!
This story has a lot of unique quality. Very original, I like how clearly you were able to display the emotions of the characters within the story. That is a plus to writing any kind of work. The practice of intriguing words was also quite notable. Usually there are countless stories where the author uses the same descriptive words over and over again. When reading your captivating story a few times, it was necessary for me to go back to look up some of the words you wrote.
That's really good to challenge the audiences' vocabulary and can even make other writers more creative with their usage of words as well. Unfortunately there were a few typos that I wanted to point out.
Consider reviewing this chapter, there is so much written it's extremely easy to overlook grammatical errors in every sentence. There was one statement in here that didn't make any sense. It seemed almost like you tried to explain the same idea with two different contexts, as in two possible ways to rephrase the situation. I'd specify what i'm talking about but I lost it... so good luck with that.
Hopefully this wasn't too wordy (I didn't mean to sound like a nerd just trying to help)
Again that is a lot of words! Great job so far, please continue
Thank you very much for the review