I am wearing out, turning so debilitated and shaky.
I lifted up my chin and it's you, who pushed it down.
When I try to make my life worthwhile, you'll dampen this enthusiasm by pouring sarcasm all over the place.
I adore you, but what can I do?
I'm conked out, literally, by you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hmmm... I'm starting to see it now.
guess I misunderstood, anyways I still really like the poem, way better than I myself could ever do... poetry is not my forte to say the least.
Thanks for clearing that up!
-Gen
Its actually because I wrote [I'll try to make my life worthwhile, you'll dampen this enthousiasim by pouring sarcasm all over the place]
it's basically saying that I'm getting enthousiasm trying to make my life worthwhile, and then it all goes boom.
I liked this but one thing did catch my eye and it kind of ruined the rest of it for me: you said [this enthusiasm] in the third line, What enthusiasm?
In the first two lines I got no impression that there was any enthusiasm, in fact more of a vibe of struggling with desperation, of picking up the pieces and trying to get back on track.
Despite this I think that I got what you were trying to say; that your struggling protagonist keeps getting shoved down by the antagonist. IMO you poem would be a thousand times better and more powerfull if you either back up the word enthusiasm or if you replace it with something more appropriate.
Hope this helps, other than the above mentioned I really got a sense of emotion coming to me through your words, that doesn't usually work quite so well with short pieces but with yours it did, which was great!
-Gen
Not sure what the poem is about but the words and lines of it are very good. Only one spelling correction I see that should be made. I'd give it a 8/10