E - Everyone

Shapeshifter's Academy (Chapter 1)

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Author's Notes: I'm not sure if I am going to continue this. I definitely will if I get good feedback, but right now its uncertain. Please tell me if you think I have a good story line going or if I'm missing something. And all grammar/punctuation reviews are always appreciated.

Pronunciations: Kasmira (Kaz-meer-ah), Farin (Far-in), Hugo (Hew-go), Turzig (Ter-zig)

*

Kasmira stared out her bedroom window at the Wispy Moon Forest, its trees swaying in the strong wind. She sat on her bed, legs crossed, and hands in her lap. Nervousness and excitement danced around in the pit of her stomach as she thought about what was going to happen tomorrow. Tomorrow was her thirteenth birthday. But that wasn't what she was so anxious about.

Tomorrow she would receive a letter. A letter from a school called Shapeshifter's Academy, or better known as Turzig.

“Suppertime, Kasmira!” she heard her mother call from the kitchen.

Kasmira sighed, crawled off her bed, and left her room, shutting the door behind her. She walked down the spacious hallway, which led to the living room, then she entered the kitchen. Her younger brother, Farin, was already seated at the table. And her father had left for work the week before, and wasn't expected back for a month. His job as a prison Commander was very demanding, especially when someone escaped.

She sat down next to her brother and looked down at the chicken and rolls on her plate. Her stomach rumbled, but she didn't feel like eating. She looked up at her mom, who was already spooning food into her mouth.

“What's Turzig like, Mom?” Kasmira asked.

Her mom looked annoyed. “How many times are you going to ask that, dear?” she huffed. “I've already told you, and you'll get to experience it yourself very soon. Now hush up or you won't be going at all.”

Kasmira lowered her gaze back to her plate of food.

“Its not fair!” Farin whined suddenly, banging his fists on the white tablecloth. “If Kasmira can go, so can I!”

“Farin!” their mother roared. “You will not shout.”

The eleven year old boy glared fiercely at his mom, then began eating again.

Kasmira smiled down at her chicken.

*

After supper, Kasmira left the house, pulling on her jacket. The dirt street stretched both left and right, and on the other side was a row of houses. She crossed the dirt road and walked for about a minute before stopping at a house and knocking on the door.

Kasmira waited, listening to the calls and footsteps within the household. She stuffed her hands in her pocket and a moment later, the door opened, revealing a tall man with a mustache.

“Hello, Mr. Keith!” Kasmira greeted cheerfully.

The man smiled warmly down at her. “I assume you're looking for Hugo?”

“Yes, sir,” she replied.

Mr. Keith told her to wait a moment and disappeared, then returned with a boy of thirteen. He had messy brown hair, just like his father, and his eyes gleamed a bright blue.

“Are you ready?” Kasmira asked him.

Hugo nodded, saying good-bye to his dad, and shut the door as he left the house.

Kasmira and Hugo walked down the dirt street together, then entered the Wispy Moon Forest.

“So,” Kasmira started, admiring the red light that shone through the trees as the sun set, “you never told me exactly what your letter said.”

“You know I'm not suppose to tell you,” he said shortly. “Besides, you're getting yours tomorrow. Can't you wait one day?”

“I've waited for over twelve years!” she corrected him pleadingly. “Can't you just let one thing slip? Accidentally?”

Hugo gave her a hard stare, but she could have sworn she saw the ends of his mouth twitch. “No,” he told her.

Kasmira crossed her arms and snapped, “Fine.”

He grinned this time.

She let out a huff. “Well, what animal do you hope you'll be?”

He shrugged as if it didn't really matter. “Dunno, I want something big though. Maybe a bear.” He smiled to himself. “Yeah, a bear would be cool.”

“I want to be a tiger,” she fantasized. “They're so beautiful, yet so powerful at the same time. Did you know that no two tigers have the same markings? Its like people with their fingerprints.”

“Just like a zebra? Yeah, I knew that.”

Kasmira made a surprised noise. “I didn't know that you knew any about animals.” Her eyes gleamed playfully.

He played along and put an offended expression on his face. “What are you talking about?! I know everything about animals!”

She laughed and changed the subject. “What does your father turn into?”

“He actually has two Forms,” Hugo replied. “An eagle and a turtle. Not that great for fighting, but eagles are great for delivering important messages, and turtles... Are great for disguise?”

Kasmira giggled again. “My mom turns into a leopard. So maybe I'll get lucky and be able to become a tiger—because its similar.”

“Maybe,” he said. “But I've never heard that your parents' Forms have an effect on what you become.”

“Oh hush!” she spat, struggling to keep a grin off her face. “I have a good chance to be a tiger!”

“Of course you do,” he agreed dramatically.

Silence fell between them.

“Its getting late,” Huge said finally. “We should turn back.”

“Alright,” she said.

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review · Tue Nov 11, 2014 2:12 pm

Hello Bookwolf! :D
This is a wonderful start to a book! :D I think you should continue it! I only have a couple little nitpicks...
"Its getting late," Huge said finally. "We should turn back."
Its is it is, so it should be It's. Also Huge should be Hugo. :D
"'Alright,' she said."
Maybe you could add something else to this line, to make it more complete. Just a suggestion though. :D Overall great job on this chapter! :D Keep writing!! :D :D
-Snazzy :)

User avatar
jessig833
Review

Hey!

That was a really good first chapter. I'm looking forward to reading more. I like how you have the whole thing set up. This seems like a story I could really get into.

One thing that I noticed and got confused about was, it said Hugo's father had blond hair, and that Hugo had brown messy hair like his father. So do both of them suppose to have blonde or brown hair?

Omg. :D Thank you so much for the point out about the hair. Wow. I can't believe I didn't find that mistake with editing.

I'm glad you liked my story, and I've definitely decided continue this. :D

Hair: Corrected. :D

User avatar
Duncan
Review
Duncan wrote a review · Fri Nov 07, 2014 11:21 am

I think this is a quite a good story. Your plot is quite interesting, so I am certainly be willing to read more from you.

You have a good way with conversations and dialogues. I like the second part of this chapter- the conversation between Kasmira and Hugo. You successfully portrayed a cute couple of friends, and I like how you break up the dialogues. Sometimes I read passages which jumble all dialogues together, yet you perfectly broke these dialogues up effectively with a suitable amount of description.

Here are some suggestions:

“Farin!” their mother roared. “You will not shout.”

The eleven year old boy glared fiercely at his mom, then began eating again.

Kasmira smiled down at her chicken.

I think it is quite a good way to use the shout of unfairness of Kasmira's brother to emphasize how attracting the Turzig was to children, but the last sentence was a bit awkward to me because it seemed that I have been missing something important about Kasimira and Farin's relationship. I suggest you to expand, or describe more about it. For example, you may wish to say,

"Kasmira's face had a secret smile. She was glad that she finally had won her brother, at least for once, even though she might have contributed nothing to this victory."

or something like this. I hope you get my meaning because I am not good at suggestions.

About grammar, well... I am not very good at my General English paper at school, so I might not be able to tell you something, but you may want to investigate them yourself through proofreading your work.

Anyway this is a good chapter. I want to read more about these characters. Keep up writing!

Thanks so much for the review! :D I will definitely consider your suggestions when I edit this later.

User avatar
maishaywca
Review

That was great!!

Sometimes we also wait for something. When we do not get that it's so irritating. Like I always wait that when my birthday will come I will be given a lot of gifts. But when the birthday came no one remembered except my parents!! I really get upset.

I know there is no connection with ur story with mine. I ws just saying.

anyway great!! I am looking forward for the second chapter.

Thank you for reviewing my story! :D And I'm glad you look forward to reading my next chapter. <3



The heavens laugh with you in your jubilee; my heart is at your festival.
— William Shakespeare