Even before it appeared, the heavens grew dark with fear. The sky, once shades of pink and orange from the setting sun, was inked pitch black within seconds. Stars glittered brightly against the void. Thirteen Fallen erupted from the ground, their powerful wings beating the air as they rushed towards a seemingly random part of the void in the sky.
Then the screaming started. An unearthly collection of voices crying out in fear and begging for mercy. The Fallen beat their wings faster. Then, another scream, this one in pain, as a Fallen crumpled in the air and plummeted to the ground, soaking the ground with its putrid blood. Another scream as a second of the Fallen rocketed downward, this one fleeing rather than incapacitated. As it dove towards the earth, it screamed in genuine terror, "Corvus, de Angelus Ultionis Dei!"
The eleven Fallen still in the sky formed a circle, eyes glowing with excitement and fear. Then, a patch of stars catapulted across the sky and barreled into the circle at full speed. More of the Fallen plummeted to the ground as the stars disappeared back into the backdrop before striking again, leaving another two Fallen flailing in the air, flapping their useless wings in a desperate attempt to stay airborne.
As the screaming of angels continued, the sky began to bleed and the void was slowly swallowed in blood. A patch of heaven glided across the blood , six pitch black wings filled with stars now visible thrumming the air. Its glowing eyes judged both the mortal and immortal below it. Corvus... The Angel of Vengeance...
The Fallen began to circle Corvus. Each one rushing forward, attempting to strike the fluttering collection of wings. Corvus would strike back every now and again, but mostly hovered within the circle of Fallen.
The Fallen began to circle Corvus and for several long minutes, they seemed to be discussing something. Then, without warning, the Angel of Vengence fell from the sky and plummeted to the ground.
Corvus was ours... SDI owned an angel...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the daunting S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - There are angels falling from the sky, begging for mercy, from the Angel of Vengence, Corvus. But as Corvus judges them all, it too, falls alongside the Fallen. What will become of Heaven and humanity?
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love the way that you describe the angels falling from the sky. It feels so poetic and surreal. My favorite lines was the beginning lines about the sky changing color and then the last ones, with Corvus falling too. I didn’t expect Corvus to also fall with them…and the SDI…who are they?? Very mysterious…
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a mystical prologue to this story! I will be sure to read the other chapters when you post them. I can’t wait to see what happens with the Fallen and Corvus. I have enjoyed reading this and…
I wish you a magical day/night! ^v^
Thank you so much for the review feverdream! I'm afraid even I have yet to decide what will become of Heaven and the Earth. Thank you for reading it!
you're welcome!
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
I'm Nadja and I must say this work is quite interesting!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
This piece is quite brutal, but in an almost beautiful way? Yes the context is dark, but it really captures brutality in the form of the fallen angels fighting back. I really like how you "dehumanize" them in a way by simply calling them "The Fallen".
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I was slightly confused about the stars you mention catapulting across the sky? I am not sure if it is me simply lacking the context or if you mean for this to be slightly confusing, as I am guessing this is the start to a novel.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
Here is a few points I have enjoyed from your piece!
"Even before it appeared, the heavens grew dark with fear."
- This quote is really brutal, but it just sets the scene for the whole story, great start
"The Fallen beat their wings faster. Then, another scream, this one in pain, as a Fallen crumpled in the air and plummeted to the ground, soaking the ground with its putrid blood."
- Incredible explanations and generally making it suspenseful, especially with the falling angel!
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Incredible start to a novel, you set the scene with such great symbolism and explanations. It feels like a flash forward in the start of a novel.
Thank you so much Nadja! For both your kind words and review. I understand the stars catapulting across the sky would be confusing. The Seraphim (Corvus) are pitch black with stars and eyes on their wings. So the patch of stars moving was (in my mind) the Seraphim moving/attacking the Fallen. Again, more context within the story would have been better, so I will work on that. Again thank you for the review!