As I look up, the canopy of trees spreads out above my head. Shafts of sunlight shine through the leaves onto the dirt track below me, the edges smooth and worn by tractors driving up and down it, the middle torn up by cows trampling to their next field. On either side of the track tall hedges rise up, topped with towering sycamore trees and hawthorn bushes. When I look further down the track the canopy gives it a tunnel like appearance.
Ferns, cow parsley, fox gloves, wild rose, goose grass, gorse and honey suckle grow wild in the hedgerows, painting them in greens, yellows, whites, pinks, blues and browns. Ivy grows up the trunks of the sycamore trees coating them against the chilly wind. Through the hedge, opposite to the one I now sit in, cows have gathered. Their black and white coats in stark contrast to the soft colours of the hedge in front of them.
Their mooing is loud and clear compared to the gentle rustle of leaves, the sweet singing of the sky lark, the distant bark of dogs and the buzzing of bees from flower to flower.
The smell of fresh summer grass and perfumed flowers wafts up my nose. The pungent smell of slurry being spread across the fields is comforting after all these years. The dirt, damp from last nights rain, smells of home and hard work.
The feel of the grass beneath my hands as I push myself further up the bank, the breeze that caresses my skin sends shivers up my spine. Leaves from the wild rose behind me brush the back of my neck; its thorns prick me through my jumper. The damp of the earth soaks through my jeans to my skin.
This is my home.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello, Booie, haven't seen you around. Haven't been around much, have you?
The title. It describes the setting very well, and creates a environment of peace (which is probably what you were aimin' for), but it has to be capitalized. Like this, to look better.
"The Peace in this World"
"The peace in this world"
Also, you don't describe your setting like you're trying to make it sound descriptive. It's not like this:
"Shafts of bright sunlight shine overwhelmingly through the yellow-green leaves onto the dusty dirt track below me, the edges crisp and smooth and worn over time by dirty tractors cautiously driving up and down it, the middle raucously torn up by disrespectful cows terrifyingly trampling to their next green field."
It gives a trying-to-make-it-really-descriptive type of feeling. You're kind of doing that, just the slightest bit.
You also need a comma between "trees" and "coating".
"Ivy grows up the trunks of the sycamore trees coating them against the chilly wind."
Connect these two sentences with a comma in place of the period.
"Through the hedge, opposite to the one I now sit in, cows have gathered. Their black and white coats in stark contrast to the soft colours of the hedge in front of them."
"U" should be "up".
"The smell of fresh sumer grass and perfumed flowers wafts u my nose."
One thing you should know, long sentences aren't complete ones.
"The feel of the grass beneath my hands as I push myself further up the bank, the breeze that caresses my skin sends shivers up my spine."
1) No first comma, take it out. 2) Second comma replaced by semicolon. 3) "Brushes" is "brush".
"Leaves from the wild rose behind me, brushes the back of my neck, its thorns prick me through my jumper."
I loved the ending and the beginning, although I can't tell if this is a boy or a girl, how old they are, what they look like, and their personality. Peaceful? Awesome? You?
-wisegirl22
Hello review time with Romania~ First in the forth paragraph you forgot the "p" in "up" and missed a 'm' in summer. Thats all i noticed during the first read, Im not a grammar person. Your visualization of the scenery is powerful in its simplicity, especially with the use of four senses. I think on the auditory and scent paraghraphs you could have added more to further definate the narrators homeland.