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139,732 Literary Works • 672,669 Reviews
This Poe was really good, with a good theme and I flowed pretty well for the most part. The last stanza was sad, but happy at the same time and I loved how you were able to create those emotions.
"For we shall never see again
Your all graceful beauty..."
These few lines were a bit confusing To me. Try to word it a bit differently to get your point across.
Thats It for now! Great work!
Hey! Guineapiggirl's going to give you a little review
I liked this poem a lot. And I'm not going to be sarcastic and cross that out like the other reviewer did, because this is a really good poem.
Before I start my review I would like to disagree with the other reviewer and say that I don't know what they mean about putting -, at the end of every line and it is wrong.
Now onto my review!
Really nice imagery. It feels like there's a real story behind this, from things like 'you have saved us all'. I'm imagining a fantasy world and there's an elf crying over the death of his love who sacrificed herself to save them and then he spontaneously starts singing. I think that's partly due to reading far too much Tolkein, but there we are.
A line that bothered me:
"For she shall never see again"
Somehow, the wording of this felt awkward and made me confused about what you meant by the next line. I'd make this line 'for she never shall see again' and then it's clearer what you mean
Another line I didn't much like was this:
"Rejoice for all at once your fight is over"
This is a bit confusing, a bit long, a bit too wordy. What about 'rejoice for now your fight is over' ?
Something that I loved was the stuff about the sky and the moon. You have great imagery. My favourite lines were:
The sky weeps for you my love
and
As the springtime lily droops her petals
These lines are beautiful.
I think the title could be a tiny bit more interesting.
Also, you need some punctuation at the end of your sentences. Poem punctuation should read exactly the same as prose, so that if we wrote it all out without line breaks it would make sense. I'll show you how it should be:
The sky weeps for you my love
For she shall never see again
Your all graceful beauty.
As the springtime lily droops her petals,
The air runs cold
And all is gone.
The moon shines for you my love.
She welcomes you with open arms.
You are with the Lady now.
Rejoice for all at once your fight is over.
Be happy my love.
You have saved us all.
OK, I hope I've helped! I love this poem and if you want any more reviews of anything just ask!
thank you and I felt the same way about the line "rejoice for all at once your fight is over" I just couldn't figure out how to change it. So again I say thank you!
Animal is here with a review, do you want a honest review or a good review? I will give out a good one.
Let's begin...
Capitalize 'for', 'your', 'the', 'and'... I mean always capitalize first word of each sentence, now you would say that, these two are continuous line, so try using '-'
For example,
The sky weeps for you my love-,
For she shall never see again-,
You all graceful beauty.
Do the same with the next para.
Over all, lovely poem.
I liked it.It had deep meaning. Keep writing.-Ani
Thanks for the advise I'll use your tips the next time I write a poem!