I decided to take my work down because i am trying to delete my account. sorry!
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
it said above the *bang* part that he held it up to his left temple which is his head, and the mom did drugs so i was trying to tie the gun in with Jessie trying to protect the mother. Plus im editing it and I am going to have his father leave the gun to him and he had to figure out how to open the compartment.
very good job i must say,very sad but the still it seemed real to me, like i could understand what jessie thought and why although it was a little confusing near the end because i could tell jessies gun was being fired but at who?also how did a 13-year old get a hand gun .
This is a really emotional piece, very descriptive of the pain the MC is going through, well done !
Think someone picked up on this in a comment before- about switching from saying "Jessie said" to "I said," etc, which made it a bit tricky to understand at first, but apart from that it's really good
I like this. Its very very sad, but I feel like you captured the essence of his pain. One thing is that I had a hard time visualizing where he was. You could add more descriptive words, and do little things to just show where he is. Like when he is about to pull the trigger describe what he sees?
I'm just a grammar nerd so I notice that. It was a really good, compelling story over all. Like it proves that people need to help the kids in orphanages more than with food and clothing but with friendship. I like! 
Happy writing!
One other thing: I noticed a few commas were missing. Easy fix
thanks! Will be sure to edit. I will also work on clarity and reading it aloud.
Hey!
Wow, very dramatic short story there! Very emotional...
So, here's my thoughts:
One thing you might want to work on is clarity. I understood your story, mostly, but several parts were unclear. For example, you started off describing the MC as "Jessie" and then switched to 1st person. I didn't know that the MC was Jessie until you switched back again later. It would be easier to understand if you stuck with one style, either 3rd person (he, him, that kind of thing) or 1st (I, me, my, etc.)
Also, things seemed to go very fast, and that also confused me. For example, one minute he was walking in the snow, the next his feet needed to be amputated. Yet he kept walking on them, and could even still feel the cold water of the creek. Did they really need to be amputated, or was Jessie just exaggerating?
I think you should try reading your story aloud to yourself or someone else, and then make sure it makes sense and flows nicely. Also, to get more into your story, maybe you could describe more Jessie's relationships with his mom and his dad, and maybe compare and contrast them, showing how things have changed and what made Jessie go downhill.
Just so you know, when "Jessie" is a boy's name, it is spelled "Jesse."
Keep up the good work!
please give reviews and I will go to your page and review one of your stories.