A city that's bright, the city that's free,
The place that's full, and open to see.
Nobody will leave, because it's NYC!
By day, the big apple, but by night, the big mystery,
How old must it be, full of history!
When you're finished with the tour and the great Times Square,
Go seek in the alleys and search if you dare.
But wherever your heart leads you, with joy that leaks,
Just explore in the city that never sleeps.
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Hello, InfiniteRectangles here with a brief review for you!
First off, I really liked this! You make it feel like such an exciting place to be. I've only been there once, and I never wanted to leave! I love how the pace of the poem is quick and lively, like the city itself. You really should write more poetry! You're a natural at this! Really, the only thing I would suggest is to maybe make it a bit longer and be a bit more descriptive so the reader not only feels the city but can get a really good image of it in their minds as well, but that's just a suggestion. It's great as is, but adding more imagery could have even more of an impact on the reader's imagination.
That's all I have for you! Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night! ^-^
Hell0! Authorian here~~
Welcome to Young Writers Society! I hope you enjoy the site as much as so many others (including myself) do!
In your comment, you said you don't usually do poetry. I'd just like to say, you should! Poetry is a tricky field cause a lot of people can try their hand at it and be as good as the next poetry writer, but your work stands out to me! I love the feel of the poem, and how it's consistent.
I don't know if you've ever been to New York City, but the way you described it transported me there. I love the prose and the way I felt reading it. It flows perfectly and doesn't run on.
I'd be interested in reading more of your work!
Best regards,
Authorian~~
I just realized that in your comment you said you loved going there, sorry for not reading it sooner!
Thank you very much for your compliments. I was hoping someone would feel like they were in the setting. I will definitely try to write more poetry!
Hello there.
First of all, welcome to YWS. It is nice to have another on board. If you need any advice or have questions about the review I am about to write, do not hesitate to respond. Now, I shall review your poem.
Do you live in New York? I am asking that because some writers write about places they haven't visited, let alone lived in, and base their opinions on things they have read. I am only asking this because of how idyllic you have made the writing, if it is meant to be idyllic. Your use of exclamation marks is a bit much, but luckily doesn't dominate the rest of the poem. Though, the additional 5th line with a rhyme throws the rhythm off course, but I am not conservative when it comes to literature, so do whatever.
I am really unsure about your 7th line. "Go seek in the alleys and search if your dare"? You spend the rest of the poem promoting New York as something great and exciting, but here you become suddenly dark and bitter- dare I say it, sarcastic. Perhaps this was by intention, but your tone comes across as unintentional, especially as it's been sandwiched between hyperbole about how great New York is, though- judging by what I've read about New York- I am not sure if you are being sarcastic or you happen to live in the right side of New York.
I've been to NYC a few times, mostly for cultural experiences. Being on the younger side, I am still pretty idyllic in my thoughts, but aware of the "bad" that occurs in cities, and just tried to show that not all is negative. Your review gave me a perspective that I didn't think of, and it was interesting to hear how you interpreted it. Thanks for your thoughts.
I don't usually write poetry, but I figure I would try it. I love going to New York City, because so many things happen. Let me know what you think!