As you step in, the island seems small
Floored by grasses and permeated with fog
Everything is in place and everything seems still
Then you look to your right and there is a swan
In a small lake, demure, bearing a coat of snow
You turn to your right and spy many conflated trees
Broad and tall, conquering the earth
Then you feel a surge of energy spread throughout
You look back to the lake, where the water is empty
Then, a swallow flutters from the trees
Just one speck in an endless sky
A cardinal of deep red traces a line from a tree
Streaming in the air, letting out a short chatter
And soon, the entire sky explodes with color
You see an assemblage of birds going every which way
There are circling blue jays
Like sapphires fluttering next to one another
Plus the macaws with feathers of a rainbow
And jasper-eyed owls
gracefully gliding on a pillow of air
Thousands of pastels blending in with one another
Each color being important to the masterpiece above you
Each color being unique
None are alike
But they are all beautiful
And they have all bloomed together
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140,523 Literary Works • 673,296 Reviews
I can feel every single thing the narrator is feeling. I could also see and experience every thing going on. I had to come out of myself and calm down before I actually myself. As weird and cliche as that sounds, it was true. Remember those breathing exercises we do to calm down and go to another place? I had the same calming effect right after reading this piece of yours. Thank you for that. I needed it.
Wow.
The tone is great! I loved every part of it. I also found the imagery slaying with perfection! Overall, awesome job and I sincerely hope to see more!
Thank you so much! I will definitely write more
Hey! I'm here to review, so here goes:
I love this poem. I can guess that you intended to transport readers to a new place and I can safely say you've achieved that. You build up such incredible imagery and your description builds your poem beautifully, so well done.
There's no real structure or rhyming pattern, which is OK - that just means I have less to talk about. One formatting thing I would say is to consider splitting the poem into stanzas. You have a lot of different ideas and I think by paragraphing these the poem will flow better. For example, you'd have the introductory stanza, then the swan, then the trees, then the lake etc. All of these ideas can be defined with a simple space between them
The thing is with good poems is that I can never find anything to criticise them on. I'm looking pretty hard, but I really can't find anything. That's definitely the sign of a great poet! Instead of criticism, I'll just pick my favourite line:
and
These lines in particular capture your skill at conjuring up images of the island. I love this poem, and look forward to seeing what other work you create. Good job!
Keep writing!
Thank you very much for your compliments!