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A Peculiar Dream

by BlueGlow


He woke up. The glow from the computer bathed the room in a blue glow. To the left of him the door stood like a monolith to a forgotten realm. He wished to never know what hid behind the door as he looked out the one open wall into the purple void. The void looked friendly. He stood up. The computer was speaking in a foreign language. He understood it. It told him of a time of heroes and legends. He listened. Then sat down. The door was watching and he wished not to anger it. The computer told him of a boat. The boat had come to take him to a land from which he could never return. He got on the boat. The door was annoyed. He looked back as the boat floated on and saw only his room in the void. The red purple clouds were swirling in the distance. The door starred on with unbridled glee. The reckoning had come. The boat continued until it hit a cloud. He got off and began to walk towards the man who stood watching him. The man had the face of a book and began to speak. The man told a story of heroes who had fought a great battle. The door was intently listening. He turned to see the door. The door was watching him from the boat. He told the door a story of myths and legends. The door began to smile and then creaked open. Inside of the door was a land of myths and legends. He ran into the door and looked behind him. The door closed and stared on. He sat next to a river that was running through the land. He saw the glow. It spoke to him of a time when men travelled the stars. He listened intently. The door looked at the river with a longing. He thought of the time when men travelled the stars. He stood and walked through the river. He looked down and saw a miniature castle. The castle seemed to speak. It spoke to him of a time when men travelled the stars. He picked the castle up and examined it’s immaculate marble surface. It was marked with the stamp of an artisan from long ago. He thought of the flavor of marble. He bit into the castle and a large egg fell out. The egg was made of gold and echoed a long forgotten chant that spoke of a long forgotten land. He picked up the egg and held it in his head. The door spoke softly to him. The door had known the artisan in a time before time. It told him of the artisans store and so He walked in. The artisan stood behind a counter. His face was blurred. He inquired as to his business. The artisan told him of his craft. The artisan made sculptures out of stone and wood. The artisan told of the difficulty of gathering enough beetles to make the stone to craft with. He had never heard of such a thing.

Light streamed in through the one window in Sean’s bedroom. How long had he been asleep for? He looked out and saw the road in front of his apartment building. Sean walked into his kitchen and poured some milk into a glass. He thought back to what he had dreamt but couldn’t remember much more than a computer. He looked to his right and saw the marble castle that he had received from his grandfather who had carved it for many years. Suddenly the dream came back. Sean took his glass and sat down in front of his computer and began to write the tale of the dream with the door. He stared at his screen. The first sentence was complete. “He woke up”


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11 Reviews


Points: 328
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Thu Apr 15, 2021 10:26 pm
MellyBourne wrote a review...



Interesting, dreamy and with a twist. You captured the dreamy feeling perfectly, there a few things I noticed that did that for me. First of, you got dream logic just right. Things happen, very weird things and you never get an explanation why, but somehow it all just flows smoothly. Just as it would in a dream. The strangest things seem simple. What also helps is how by the end of this short you loop the whole thing back to the start. To me that's genius, because just as we can never remember the beginning or the end of a dream, that loop gives me the same feeling when reading this story. Another thing I loved was the mention of the marble castle after Sean wakes up. You connected the real world with the world of the dream, just as it goes in real life. Nothing negative to say here. Awesome work.




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Thu Apr 08, 2021 6:51 pm
YourFriendQuirks08 wrote a review...



Hey, I've read your piece and would love to leave a review.

Your vocabulary choice is great! I can visualize the room so effortlessly due to the figurative devices that you have used within your work. Overall great effort.

I do have a bit of constructive criticism however:

1. Try not to rush through everything ; i understand that this is a dream and that it is often unclear in our minds, but I lost track of the story line very quickly. Try to emphasize on one key part at a time.

2. I would recommend using varied sentence structure more in your work. This part "He woke up...................He wished to never know what hid behind the door as he looked out the one open wall into the purple void" was great. It had different lengths in sentences in order to engage the reader. However from that point on wards it was simple, short sentences the whole way through. It interrupted the incredible flow of it at the beginning.

Thank you for reading my review. Overall this was a great piece that you have written, it just needed more flow to it to engage the reader. Not at all a bad story though.
You have a natural talent for writing mate.




BlueGlow says...


Thanks for reviewing! To adress part of your criticism: there is no story line. It is just a garble of text as that emphasizes my experiences within the realms of dreams. Thanks for reading and taking time to review!



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Mon Apr 05, 2021 4:07 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this seems quite fun on first glance. It was quite a bit of fun to read, that's for sure...well anyway I'll get down a touch more detail down below, let's see.

Anyway let's get right to it,

He woke up. The glow from the computer bathed the room in a blue glow. To the left of him the door stood like a monolith to a forgotten realm. He wished to never know what hid behind the door as he looked out the one open wall into the purple void. The void looked friendly. He stood up. The computer was speaking in a foreign language. He understood it. It told him of a time of heroes and legends. He listened. Then sat down. The door was watching and he wished not to anger it. The computer told him of a boat. The boat had come to take him to a land from which he could never return. He got on the boat. The door was annoyed. He looked back as the boat floated on and saw only his room in the void. The red purple clouds were swirling in the distance. The door starred on with unbridled glee. The reckoning had come. The boat continued until it hit a cloud. He got off and began to walk towards the man who stood watching him. The man had the face of a book and began to speak. The man told a story of heroes who had fought a great battle. The door was intently listening. He turned to see the door. The door was watching him from the boat. He told the door a story of myths and legends. The door began to smile and then creaked open. Inside of the door was a land of myths and legends. He ran into the door and looked behind him. The door closed and stared on. He sat next to a river that was running through the land. He saw the glow. It spoke to him of a time when men travelled the stars. He listened intently. The door looked at the river with a longing. He thought of the time when men travelled the stars. He stood and walked through the river. He looked down and saw a miniature castle. The castle seemed to speak. It spoke to him of a time when men travelled the stars. He picked the castle up and examined it’s immaculate marble surface. It was marked with the stamp of an artisan from long ago. He thought of the flavor of marble. He bit into the castle and a large egg fell out. The egg was made of gold and echoed a long forgotten chant that spoke of a long forgotten land. He picked up the egg and held it in his head. The door spoke softly to him. The door had known the artisan in a time before time. It told him of the artisans store and so He walked in. The artisan stood behind a counter. His face was blurred. He inquired as to his business. The artisan told him of his craft. The artisan made sculptures out of stone and wood. The artisan told of the difficulty of gathering enough beetles to make the stone to craft with. He had never heard of such a thing.


Well, that was quite the paragraph there, got a ton of things just happening all at once, almost too much to keep track of in the one paragraph, but of course, that makes total sense for a dream so good job emulating that really effectively, its not easy to do, especially because I find that I can still sense a basic flow here, especially thanks to that door, sort of grounding everything to one single point and that allows you to sort of get what is going on. That's not the easiest thing to do with a story like this and I think you did really well here.

Light streamed in through the one window in Sean’s bedroom. How long had he been asleep for? He looked out and saw the road in front of his apartment building. Sean walked into his kitchen and poured some milk into a glass. He thought back to what he had dreamt but couldn’t remember much more than a computer. He looked to his right and saw the marble castle that he had received from his grandfather who had carved it for many years. Suddenly the dream came back. Sean took his glass and sat down in front of his computer and began to write the tale of the dream with the door. He stared at his screen. The first sentence was complete. “He woke up”


OOoh is that a bit of a cliffhanger I sense there as our ending....looks like we're leaving the ending a tad bit ambiguous there to possibly imply there's more to this dream than meets the eye or at least that's what I see...well its open to interpretation I suppose. At any rate this was quite a satisfying ending here to this story here I believe. Pretty nicely done.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think this was done quite well here. I definitely enjoyed reading it and I don't think there's really much wrong with it as far as I can see. AAaand that's about all I've gotta say for now.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




BlueGlow says...


Thanks for taking the me to read and review!



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Sun Apr 04, 2021 12:44 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi BlueGlow,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

A very interesting piece where you have mastered well to put a dream into words. I just like the abstraction and confusion that you witness as a reader and dreamer, sometimes stopping to think what just happened.

At first I thought it was very obscure that the short story is only presented in two sections, but after reading it I find it a very good way to distinguish between dream and reality.

What I think needs to be improvised is the sentence structure in some places. You try to create a kind of mysterious mood with the short sentences, which are choppy in places. This works well in many places, but some sentences you could have put together well, otherwise it reads too haltingly. Even though it's a word reproduction of a dream, you could connect some sentences that belong together.

He got off and began to walk towards the man who stood watching him. The man had the face of a book and began to speak. The man told a story of heroes who had fought a great battle.


Here, for example, it seems a little inscrutable that you use "the man" in each of the three sentences, where one could easily make two out of the three sentences so that it doesn't seem too "oppressive". You could rewrite it as: "He got off and began to walk towards the man with the face of a book, who stood watching him. He began to speak. He told a story of heroes who had fought a great battle". That would give more or less the same effect as your section, but you reduce the words "the man."

He looked down and saw a miniature castle. The castle seemed to speak. It spoke to him of a time when men travelled the stars. He picked the castle up and examined it's immaculate marble surface.


Here, too, the second half in particular could have been reduced to make it a smoother read. Here it would be like "He looked down and saw a miniature castle. It seemed to speak of a time when men travelled the stars. He picked..." One does not need to repeat the noun in every sentence.

Nevertheless, I find it a very interesting rendition of a dream. I especially like the ending because it's also the beginning of your story. It's a good ending and gives the reader the crushing feeling of continuing to be caught somewhere between dream and reality.

Mailice.




BlueGlow says...


Thanks for the review! I am well aware of the often times rough sentence structure. I wrote this in a half hour for challenge that someone put me up to. I'm glad that it manages to capture the often surreal and scary reality of dreams. Thanks for reading and putting in the time to review!



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Thu Apr 01, 2021 4:43 pm
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Book_Dragon says...



Wow! You definitely captured the utter ridiculous, abstract, confusing feel of a dream. I almost felt like I was dreaming reading this. As someone else said, I feel like I've seen bits of this before! The only critique I have is breaking the dream into different paragraphs. A long thing like that can feel quite daunting to some people. I recommend dividing the paragraph when something new happens or changes in the dream. That is all!
Good job again,
-Book_Dragon




BlueGlow says...


Yeah I had a long discussion with my English teacher on breaking up paragraphs in fictional works. That should be improved in future writing. Glad it could emulate the bizarre nature of dreams! Thanks for reading!



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Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:41 am
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JamesPeterson wrote a review...



A floating tome here to give you a review! :D
First thing I noticed was that it was a huge wall of text. So as The_Closet_Writer said, you should probably change the syntax and formatting.
Reading it, I felt like you were actually leading us through a dream. The way it kind of gives you that feeling of abstractness really helps the feel. You give the sense of a dream. At some points, I got a nostalgic feeling. It was as if I had had a dream containing some of these pieces before.
All in all, a great first post.
Also, welcome to YWS! :)
Just fix a few errors, and this could be a great piece!

~Zacharias Drake




BlueGlow says...


Syntax and Format, gotcha. Happy to hear it managed to be surreal and abstract in the same way as a dream. Thanks for reading and reviewing!



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Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:20 am
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TheClosetWriter wrote a review...



There is something so wonderfully eerie about the telling of this short story. As the author painted images with a literary brush, I felt as if I was floating through a dream myself. From interacting with doors and traveling about boats to hearing of legends and visiting artisans, I enjoyed being transported to another's dream through my computer. Still, there are some slight changes I would make in terms of syntax and grammar. I love how we suddenly become aware that Sean has written his dream at the story's end. Nonetheless, I believe the first paragraph can be broken up into several sections of the protagonist's vision. Variation in sentence length can also contribute to the flowy feeling of the piece as a whole while reduction of repetition can have a similar affect. Poetic language may also greatly enhance the feeling in this piece which is otherwise exquisite as it is. It is refreshing to see such an original idea.




BlueGlow says...


Thanks! I'm glad that it was able to echo the surreal tone of any dream. I will work on formatting in future works as that is something I struggle with. Thanks for reading and reviewing!





Of course! Happy to help! :)




Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
— C. Northcote Parkinson