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Help! I need an title for this piece!!

by BlueDaisy2018


Play...Title???

by: Jamie Hall

Beth- 16, studious and soft spoken

Eliza- 16, effervescent and talkative

Walter Addison- 23, school teacher, in love with Beth

Gracey- 16, Eliza’s best friend, giggly and sweet

Millie Mae- 17, very beautiful, in love with Mr. Addison, a gossip

Winnifred-15, Millie’s airheaded little sister

Olivia- 16, busybody and a gossip, Betsy’s best friend

Trudy- 15, gossip, boy crazy

Elsie- 15, quiet, often bullied

Clara- 15, British exchange student that comes to the school after break and quickly attracts Walter

Mrs. Higgins- 67, strict rule follower, teacher

Mrs. Lovelace- 34, nice and sweet young teacher

Mr. Cochren- 53, strict headmaster

Schoolgirls- between 15-18

Setting: Early 1900s women's college located in NE America.

1- Classroom

2- Mess hall

3- Sitting room

4- Classroom

5- Dormitory

6- Sitting Room

7- Library

8- Terrace

9- Dormitory

10- Classroom

11- Dormitory

12- Hallway

13- Classroom

____________________________________________________________________________________

Scene One

Lovelace: Everyone take your seats! Now who can tell me the author of this quote: “Better three hours too soon than a minute too late”?

Eliza: Was it Walt Whitman?

Lovelace: No. This was a bit before his time.

Gracey: Virginia Woolf?

Lovelace: Not quite, Gracey. Yes, Miss Beth.

Beth: It was William Shakespeare.

Lovelace: Yes. Shakespeare did indeed state that it is “Better to be--”

Trudy: (rushing onstage) I’m here! I was just admiring the new mathematics instructor. He is quite handsome! And so young!

Winnifred: Is he tall?

Trudy: And strong.

Millie: I heard he was blond and wears a smart suit and has blue eyes the color of the sky. My sister, Eva has connections in Conneticut, where he's from.

Beth: Don't get your hopes up, he isn't a storybook character.

Winnifred: Who cares about that? I just want to know if he's single!

Millie: Winnifred!

Olivia: Did he talk to you, Trudy?

Trudy: No...but he did look at me. He gave me sort of a nod. It was brief...but romantic. I think he’s in love.

Beth: Someone’s in love.

Betsy: You can just keep yourself out of this, Beth. What do you know about men anyways?

Beth: (Addison and Higgins enter) Well, I know that one can’t just go about assuming this and that without getting to know a person. You can’t just-- (bumps into Addison while walking backwards) Oh! I am so sorry!

Walter: No bother. It is perfectly alright. Hello, young ladies.

Trudy: That’s him!

Higgins: Ladies! Ladies! (claps) I would like you to welcome your new Second Year Mathematics instructor, Mr. Walter Addison to the St. Mary School for Fine Young Ladies.

All Schoolgirls: Hello, Mr. Addison.

Walter: Good morning, ladies. I shall be looking forward to my class with you come the morrow. (turns to Beth) I never caught your name.

Beth: Uh--

Higgins: We must be coming along now, Mr. Addison. We wouldn’t want to be late for our brunch with Mr. Cochren.

Walter: Not at all. Fare thee well. (follows Higgins offstage)

Trudy: I told you he was lovely.

Winnifred: Did you see his eyes?

Betsy: Hold your tongue, Winnifred. Fifteen is much too juvenile an age to be prancing around with a school teacher. Seventeen on the other hand…

Winnifred: Just because you are two years older doesn’t mean you get first right at every man under the age of thirty who walks through these corridors!

Betsy: And you would court a twenty-three year old?

Winnifred: Girls are said to mature faster than boys, and--

Lovelace: Ladies! Enough with the drooling and gawking! Back to our lesson please! (bell rings and the all schoolgirls except Beth walk offstage talking amongst themselves) So, how about you?

Beth: How about me what?

Lovelace: What do you make of this new teacher?

Beth: Oh, Mrs. Lovelace, he seems very decent. A respectable man of merit. What about it?

Lovelace: He seemed very taken with you.

Beth: Oh, I’m sure. Was it the clumsiness or the knocking his things to the floor? Honestly, Mrs. Lovelace, I could not imagine a reason why he would have specifically noticed me. Maybe the sore foot he will have tomorrow, but--

Lovelace: (chuckles) All I am saying, Beth, is that he seems fond of you. It was a compliment of sorts. Gooday, Miss Beth, and enjoy your lunch.

Beth: Thank you, Mrs. Lovelace.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Scene Two

(general giggling)

Eliza: ...and that beautiful hair!

Gracey: I know! And did you see his arms? How strong!

Betsy: I find the hair a most trivial feature. Besides, he is not of your concern. You both are only sixteen.

Eliza: You courted many a man while you were merely sixteen.

Betsy: I am a year your senior, and I deserve the first pick.

Schoolgirl: How so?

Betsy: I have years of experience and wisdom.

Gracey: Well, we all know what kind of experience she is implying. Don’t we Eliza?

Eliza: I think we do.

Betsy: Hold your tongue, Eliza. You don’t know a thing about what you are talking about. You’re simply jealous that I attract all of the eligible young men.

Gracey: I just think she’s a harlot!

Eliza: Agreed. I’ve heard Betsy kissing boys in her room. She sends Olivia and Winnifred across the hall to our room and smacks on men.

Betsy: That is enough! (lunges across the table and yanks Eliza's hair. They topple onto the ground and wrestle around as schoolgirls scream and hollar "fight")

Millie: Ow! (yanks Eliza's hair)

Eliza: This is for yanking my hair (punches her)

Millie: That is a Tiffany collar!

Higgins: What is the meaning of this? (schoolgirls scatter)

Betsy: Help! Get off of me! Help! She's hurting me! Mrs. Higgins! She's trying to kill me!

Higgins: Oh, you poor girl! (drags Eliza off of Millie who runs into Higgins' arms)

Millie: She was yanking my hair and ripped my collar. All because I accidentally knocked her glass over. I didn't mean it! Honest! (weeps into Higgins' shoulder)

Higgins: Now, now, Millie Mae. Everything will be alright. Do you need to go to the hospital wing?

Millie: It's alright. I think I can manage a sprained ankle and a few bald spots just fine.

Higgins: Good girl. Now off to your room to get some rest. As for you, Eliza Bailey, you will be cleaning erasers for three weeks--

Eliza: But Professor--

Higgins: And you will write in your journal "I will not lose my temper" 407 times. Are we clear?

Eliza: Yes, Professor Higgins.

Higgins: Good. Now off to the showers to clean yourself up. Your hair is quite a frizz.

Eliza: Yes, Professor Higgins. (walks offstage)

Higgins: As for the rest of you girls, finish your meal and go wash up for your next classes. (pause) Shoo! (giggles and murmurs as they disperse) *sigh*

____________________________________________________________________________________

Scene Three

(Beth sits in a desk reading a thick book, every now and then she mumbles to herself or turns a page. Addison walks in silently and peers over her shoulder. When he begins to speak, she jumps.)

Walter: Ah! A Midsummer Night’s Dream. A lovely work of his. I, myself, prefer Othello to Midsummer. Is this an assignment?

Beth: Mr. Addison! You startled me, and no, this is not an assignment. Miss Lovelace recommended it for me. I do quite like it though I prefer Dickens to this poetic language.

Walter: Let me see. (picks up the book) Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,

Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend

More than cool reason ever comprehends.

The lunatic, the lover and the poet

Are of imagination all compact:

One sees more devils than vast hell can hold,

That is, the madman: the lover, all as frantic,

Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt:

The poet's eye, in fine frenzy rolling,

Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven;

And as imagination bodies forth

The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen

Turns them to shapes and gives to airy nothing

A local habitation and a name.

Beth: Mr. Addison! That was wonderful! Where did you get off becoming a mathematics instructor? You might have been an actor!

Walter: Eh. I prefer quiet, appreciative audiences such as yourself. I was never one for the stage. As for mathematics, my father was a headmaster at a boarding school in New Jersey. He taught me about teaching, and I just chose to pursue what I know.

Beth: Why not English?

Walter: Because this school already had an English teacher.

Beth: Yes, Mrs. Lovelace. She is quite lovely. I do enjoy her class. Especially when she read A Tale of Two Cities to us. It was most enthralling.

Walter: I’m glad.

Beth: Now where will we be starting in our lessons?

Walter: I suppose where Mrs. Gilbert left off.

Beth: We were last learning our tables. I am very good up to nines, but after that I am a bit faulty with my facts.

Walter: How about your peers?

Beth: It range from dreadful to horrific. Winnifred doesn’t even realize what the little ‘x’ stands for. Much less that it initiates a multiplication problem.

Walter: Fantastic! We will start on long division by the end of the week!

Beth: But Mr. Addison--

Walter: This is perfect. You are brilliant!

Beth: Mr. Addison, I don’t know what you are talking about.

Walter: You’ll see. I’ve got to go. By the way, what is your name?

Beth: Beth. Beth Bailey.

Walter: Nice to see you again Beth Bailey. (starts walking offstage)

Beth: Goodbye. (sighs and goes back to reading)

____________________________________________________________________________________

Scene Four

Trudy: He’s coming! (rushes to get in her seat)

Walter: Good morning, ladies.

All Schoolgirls: Good morning, Mr. Addison.

Walter: Seeing as it is my first acquaintance with most of you, how about we go around and say our names. You there. How about you start. (giggles and murmurs)

Elsie: Hello, I’m Elsie.

Walter: Elsie! What a lovely name!

Winnifred: I’m Winnifred, but everyone calls me Winnie. Sometimes Fred, but--

Millie: No one calls you anything but Winnifred. Hello, I’m Millie Mae, Mr. Addison. Walter. Can I call you Walter?

Walter: No. Next young lady.

Olivia: I’m Olivia. It’s a pleasure.

Gracey: My name’s Anna Gracen, but everyone calls me Gracey.

Walter: Hello, Gracey.

Eliza: I’m Eliza. That’s my sister Beth.

Walter: (smiling) Yes, we’ve met.

Eliza: My mama liked the name Elizabeth, but when we were born she didn’t have a clue what to do. She didn’t expect to have twins, so she didn’t have two names. She just made use of the one. Eliza. Beth. Eliza. Beth. Get it? It’s just Elizabeth in two p--

Beth: He gets it, ‘Liza.

Walter: (chuckles) That was a moving story, Eliza.

Trudy: You forgot me! I’m Trudy. Gertrude Blakely. My daddy owns Blakely Shirtwaist and Gown Company. Have you heard of it?

Walter: No, actually, but--

Trudy: It’s a big company that makes such beautiful dresses like the one I’m wearing. He sends me boxes and boxes of gowns and parasols. They’re very expensive.

Walter: Today we will continue our times tables. Now, let’s get started. What is 3 times 7? (murmurs and giggles) 3 times 7? Anyone? Millie Mae?

Millie: Excuse me?

Walter: 3 times 7?

Millie: Oh, yes! That would be...um...14.

Walter: No. Trudy, if you have three friends and they each have seven of velvet handbags, how many handbags do they have?

Trudy: Um...21?

Walter: Yes! And how would you figure that?

Trudy: On my fingers?

Walter: (Beth raises her hand) Yes, Beth?

Beth: 3 times 7 is just 7 plus 7 plus 7 or 3 plus 3 plus 3 plus 3 plus 3 plus 3 plus 3. Both of those equal 21.

Walter: Exactly! Trudy, say three friends each had eight pairs of new shoes each, there would be--

Millie: 24! See? I’m so smart, Mr. Addison.

Walter: Yes, um, anyway, Trudy, imagine that every time you multiply, you have a said number of friends that give you ‘x’ number of presents. What would 4 times 3 be?

Trudy: How cruel!

Walter: What’s wrong?

Trudy: What kind of friends only gives you 3 presents?

Walter: Fine then. 4 times 4.

Trudy: 16 brand new lace parasols!

Walter: And you, Gracey? 6 times 7?

Gracey: That’s a lot of parasols. Um... 42!

Walter: Yes! Yes! Yes! That’s it! Alright, class. Come back tomorrow with times tables 0 through 10 written in your mathematic books. Have a nice lunch, everyone! (Everyone leaves, and Beth starts to gather her bags quickly and starts to leave) Beth! Wait!

Beth: Everyone is very taken by you, Mr. Addison! Trudy has never been able to multiply past the number two before now! You are truly...why are you staring at me like that?

Walter: No reason. Now as you were saying, Miss Bailey?

Beth: I was just saying that you are truly...truly...um... I think I hear Eliza calling me. I’ll see you at tomorrow's lesson, Mr. Addison.

Walter: Good day.

Beth: Good day.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Scene Five

Eliza: (Beth hums to herself and dances happily around the room) Beth, dear, are you alright?

Gracey: What’s wrong with Beth, she’s smiling.

Eliza: Honey, are you feeling well?

Beth: I’m fine. Better than fine. (begins to dance Eliza around the room)

Olivia: Is Beth okay?

Millie: This is a dormitory, not a ballroom.

Trudy: Beth is in a strange way tonight, all solemn one minute and glowing the next.

Winnifred: How curious. (Beth sits down on her bed and sighs, taking out several nice day-dresses and going over to the mirror)

Beth: Eliza, should I wear the blue one or the green one...or this lovely pink one.

Eliza: Those are my dresses!

Beth: I hope you don’t mind. All of my frocks are plain.

Eliza: Fine. I like the blue; it really brings out your eyes.

Beth: You really think so?

Eliza: And wear the green tomorrow and the pink on Thursday.

Millie: What’s the occasion?

Olivia: Is it your birthday?

Trudy: (gasp) Will there be a party? (dispersed giggles and talking)

Beth: No, no. I just felt like dressing a bit nicer tomorrow; that’s all.

Millie: I think someone is in love with Mr. Addison!

Beth: You haven't a clue.

Millie: But I think I do. See, just because you think that you are better than everyone else doesn’t mean that he loves you.

Olivia: I mean, look at that hair. Frizzy braids aren’t exactly flattering.

Millie: And those dirty fingernails bit down to the stub!

Winnifred: And her eyebrows are quite dreadful if you ask me.

Olivia: I’d say so. And she has mud on all of her frocks!

Beth: I think you’ve made yourselves quite clear! It is well past time for grooming and chatting. Goodnight. (girls slowly wander to their beds as lights go “dark” where you can still see that Beth sits silently sitting and crying)

____________________________________________________________________________________

Scene Six

(Beth sits in the library surrounded by books, deep in thought. Walter walks up.)

Walter: I find myself bumping into you like this quite often. What are you reading now?

Beth: Oh, nothing. It’s just a boring history of-- (Walter grabs the book as she tries to push it away) grammatical findings.

Walter: Grammatical findings, eh? This book cover says “How to Show a Man You Really Care.” Well… you could start by telling him how your day has gone, hypothetically. Then you would meet him on the terrace for a picnic at 12.

Beth: Hypothetically.

Walter: Hypothetically.

Beth: I am wonderful, thank you, and would this man-- hypothetically-- pack the sandwiches? Or is that to be the woman’s job?

Walter: They would already be waiting in a dainty picnic basket with a pitcher of lemonade and a bunch of red grapes.

Beth: Grapes and lemonade. This would be the moment when I turn around and say--

Walter: That you'll pack the sandwiches because cooking is impossible?

Beth: Not quite. How about: I’ll see you at 12?

Walter: That works quite nicely, Beth Bailey.

Beth: I look forward to it greatly, Walter. (Walter walks offstage as Trudy walks on)

Trudy: Was Mr. Addison helping you with your studies?

Beth: (startled) Yes! He helped me with my times tables greatly. Maybe I could show you.

Trudy: That won’t be necessary. Elsie already did the assignment for me. She can’t hardly say a word in English, but she is very good at forging my handwriting. She’s German, you know.

Beth: How lovely.

Trudy: Yes. (pause) What are you reading?

Beth: (quickly plucks a large volume from a stack next to her) Erm...Frankenstein. A lovely book is it not?

Trudy: Frankenstein? I have heard of such a book. I’ve never read it myself, of course, but my old governess said that it was quite gory. A horrific tale. What business do you have, as a lady, reading a book such as Frankenstein?

Beth: Don’t you have a Roebuck catalog to browse?

Trudy: Actually I have several--

Beth: Goodbye, Trudy. (Trudy walks off) Picnic. 12.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Scene Seven

(Walter lays under a tree, tossing a ball in the air, and Beth walks up and smiles.)

Beth: Sorry I’m late.

Walter: You are mistaken. I was simply early, and I brought sandwiches as promised.

Beth: Thank you. I’m positively starving.

Walter: I hope you like turkey. I couldn’t find anything else.

Beth: Turkey is just fine. (sips lemonade) Mmm. This lemonade is absolutely divine!

Walter: Marie made it.

Beth: Marie?

Walter: Relax, Beth. She’s just a kitchen hand who made some lemonade this morning.

Beth: Well then, it’s wonderful.

Walter: Having known you for just over two days, I find myself at a loss. I know very little about you.

Beth: What would you like to know?

Walter: Absolutely everything.

Beth: I love to read. (Walter gives her a look) Alright, alright. My favorite color is emerald green, I have never been in trouble with a teacher--

Walter: I can change that.

Beth. Walter, please. Anyhow, St. Mary’s is the farthest I’ve ever been from home, and I haven’t bought a new frock since I was little. I have to sew all of my own.

Walter: This is impressive work.

Beth: Oh, no. This is Eliza’s. I would never get something like this. Papa...she’s...Eliza is my father’s--my birth father's favorite. He sends her many gifts.

Walter: I--

Beth: I don’t want to talk about it. (pause) So, what about you.

Walter: I used to take etiquette lessons. (Beth laughs) My mother was a debutante that only wanted a precious little daughter. Instead she was given me, so she treated me like I was a girl and made me go to those stupid lessons. I abhorred them. Now tell me more about you. What is something I would never guess about you?

Beth: My childhood was absolutely boring. I don’t know! Well, when I was a child I wanted to be a dancer.

Walter: A dancer? Meaning the kind with the fluffy pink dresses and high-toed shoes?

Beth: Can you imagine?

Walter: Get up! Get up! You must show me!

Beth: Show you what?

Walter: How to dance.

Beth: Walter, I can hardly remember!

Walter: Try to remember.

Beth: Alright. So you put your hands above your head like this and you-- (Walter picks her up by her waist and spins her around) Walter! (laughing) Put me down!

Walter: Okay. (swings her around to a waltz position) Now my kind of dance. (They waltz in circles around the tree and blanket.)

Beth: I’m not very good.

Walter: Your feet prove otherwise. So where are you from?

Beth: Kentucky. And you?

Walter: New Jersey. How did you end up at Saint Mary’s?

Beth: Scholarship. My dad was a farmer. I couldn’t afford it.

Walter: Oh! Beautiful and smart. (Beth shies away.) Look at me. That’s the smile I love.

Beth: How can you know me if we met two days ago.

Walter: I feel as if I’ve known you my whole life, like I have you memorized.

Beth: (breathless) Me too. (they lean in to kiss, but Beth moves away) But this is too fast. This is not something I came to Saint Mary’s for. I came for a future in… in… writing, not you.

Walter: Beth.

Beth: Walter, I--

Walter: It’s okay. I forget you’re still a child.

Beth: I am not a child! I’ll be 17 in three months. Many girls my age are already mothers!

Walter: I shouldn’t have said anything.

Beth: You’re the one who made notions to and kissed your student.

Walter: And let’s remember who--

Beth: Walter, please! Let’s not argue any longer. I just want to think it over for a few days.

Walter: As you wish, Miss Bailey. (kisses Beth’s hand) Until tomorrow then, my dear.

Beth: Tomorrow.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Scene Eight

Eliza: And then he tried to kiss you?! Wait. Tried? You didn’t let him?

Beth: Things kept happening faster than they shoulda’. Knowing someone for two days-- three now, I guess-- isn’t enough to make a good friend, much less a boyfriend.

Eliza: You sound like a silly schoolgirl courting for the first time the way you’re rambling on so.

Beth: Because I am! Oh, Eliza! If you could just see the he looked at me! I felt like the only girl in the world!

Eliza: Then what’s the problem?

Beth: I don’t know.

Eliza: So you do love him!

Beth: Love is a strong word, Eliza. I just don’t know.

Eliza: If you don’t take him, I will. We are twins, afterall!

Beth: We are fraternal twins. We don’t look the same!

Eliza: Right.

Beth: Besides, it’s just a time to think and get to know each other before we get serious and kissing and such.

Eliza: That’s called courting!

Beth: And he’s a teacher. I can’t court a teacher unless marriage soon follows, and--

Eliza: You’re getting a bit ahead of yourself, don’t you think?

Beth: I guess so. I always do.

Eliza: We best be getting on to class--

Beth: Class! I have mathematics today! He’s going to see me, and I look like a wreck!

Eliza: Oh, dear.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Scene Nine

Lovelace: Betsy, read your dictation for today.

Betsy: (clears throat) A bird flies and floats and flits as happy as can be. ‘Tis a wondrous thing to fly around all day, to flit and float about in a graceful, cheery way.

Lovelace: That was charming. And you Miss Bailey? Beth? Beth! Get out of la-la land and back into my classroom! Beth!

Beth: Yes, Mrs. Lovelace?

Lovelace: Your dictation, please.

Beth: Oh, yes. Right. We all know that violets are blue and roses are red, but it doesn’t help me make sense of the things in my head. Why I toss and turn in bed. Why my sanity hangs by a thread. But in this chaos I find things wonderful instead. When you ignore the things in you that were bred, you find a great adventure that has never been tread.

Lovelace: That is an interesting composition. What a complex thought. Miss Beth, do sit dear. Now, class, we will write a short composition on the topic of “the house” that must be at least four sentences in length. These are to be shared tomorrow. (goes to sit at her desk)

Trudy: I heard from Beula that heard from Mary that heard from Emily that heard from Lillian that heard--

Betsy: Just spit it out!

Trudy: Beth is in love with Mr. Addison!

Betsy: I knew it!

Olivia: And after we told her she couldn’t have him!

Betsy: The little brat!

Olivia: He’s obviously yours.

Winifred: You have to show her who's in charge, that you're the one in control.

Betsy: I know! And I think I have a pretty good idea of how to do it.

____________________________________________________________

Scene Ten

(girls get ready for bed in the dorm)

Winnifred: Gracey, will you braid my hair? I can’t knot it right.

Gracey: Oh, Lord Almighty.

Olivia: (loudly) Did he really kiss you, Betsy?

Betsy: Under the willow on the terrace. It quite romantic.

Trudy: What did he say?

Betsy: That I was enchanting. We’re going to a carnival on Saturday.

Olivia: But we aren’t aloud to leave the premises! Won’t you get into trouble?

Betsy: He’s pulling some strings. He’s going to take my to see the ponies. I heard they have white ones this year.

Beth: Who?

Betsy: Wally, of course!

Beth: Wally?

Betsy: Walter. Walter Addison. Don’t you know him? Our new mathematics teacher?

Beth: Well, I’m very happy for you, Betsy.

Betsy: What’s wrong? You seem sad. Are you okay?

Beth: I’m fine.

Betsy: Alright. If you’re sure, but I am always here to talk. I understand heartbreak.

Beth: Heartbreak? You think-- I’m not in love with him.

Betsy: If you’re sure.

Beth: I am.

Betsy: If you’re sure.

Beth: Stop saying that. I’m fine just as I am. I don’t need any man to make me happy.

Trudy: If you’re sure.

Beth: Trudy! I-- I have to do the assignment. Excuse me.

Winnifred: If you--

Beth: Stop it! Goodnight, everyone. (walks away)

Betsy: That didn’t take much convincing.

Eliza: What convincing?

Betsy: Oh, nothing. Why don’t you stay out of everyone else’s business, and go--

Eliza: What were you saying about my sister?

Betsy: Mind your business, Eliza Bailey.

Eliza: My twin is my business.

Betsy: If you must know, Mr. Addison is taking me to the carnival.

Eliza: I can’t believe him! And after he kissed her twice!

Betsy: What?

Eliza: They kissed under that tree on the terrace. He brought her a picnic and lemonade. I guess he never told you he had another girl than you. I guess you aren’t that special.

Betsy: He did this?

Eliza: The first day he taught.

Betsy: You are fibbing.

Eliza: And you are not?

Betsy: No.

Eliza: Well, I should go get some beauty sleep before tomorrow. Do excuse this early break to a truly wonderful conversation. (everyone leaves)

____________________________________________________________________________________

Scene Eleven

(Schoolgirls and teachers walk across stage talking amongst themselves. Walter approaches Beth.)

Walter: Miss Bailey, wait!

Beth: I have no business with you Mr. Addison. Now if you would excuse me--

Walter: What is the meaning of this rudeness?

Beth: I think you know exactly what's going on, Mr. Addison.

Walter: Beth, you listen to me. I don't know what is making you so unagreeable, but you are about to tell me.

Beth: Don't cause me such embarrassment, Mr. Addison. You know what you have done.

Walter: What I have done? The last time we spoke your love was on hiatus, but mine was not.

Beth: Stop leading me on so.

Walter: What have I to gain from that?

Beth: A trip to the horse carnival with Betsy. I thought such frivolous things as ponies and apple bobbing would not detour you from me, but I was wrong. Or maybe it was the fact that she acts not like a child but like a harlot!

Walter: What in the name of Jesus are you talking about?

Beth: Do I have to recall your own sins?

Walter: Obviously you must.

Beth: Betsy told me that you were taking her to the carnival on Saturday and that you kissed her under the willow on the terrace.

Walter: Betsy's head is filled with flies and cobwebs. What liking could I ever take to her?

Beth: But she said--

Walter: I promise you that no such thing happened. Or ever will happen for that matter.

Beth: Why would all of the girls lie to me so?

Walter: What would possess me to ever fib to you, my dear?

Beth: Don't call me that. What reason have I to even believe you?

Walter: When have I ever tried to hurt you before? Darling, why would I manipulate you when I love you so?

Beth: I suppose you are right. I shouldn't let such silly thoughts take hold.

Walter: Wonderful, darling. Have you made up your mind?

Beth: About what?

Walter: Your hiatus.

Beth: You are wonderful, but for me to make such a large commitment at this age is--

Walter: Completely normal. Take a chance. For once, take a risk. Let yourself fall away from this safety net. Let yourself love.

Beth: I just don't know.

____________________________________________________________________________

Scene Thirteen

Millie: I got a package from father today. He sent me a photograph of a picture star that he met in person. They signed the bottom!

Trudy: How dreamy!

Olivia: Let me see! (Millie hands the picture to Olivia) He's so handsome!

Eliza: I want to see! (grabs for it but Millie snatches it away)

Millie: Ew! I wouldn't dare let a country girl touch my beloved keepsake! When was the last time you washed your hands, they're filthy! And furthermore, no!

Beth: I suggest you get to your seat you little liar...I mean Millie.

Millie: Me? Lie? About what?

Beth: (mocking) Oh I am so excited to go to the carnival with Wally. There are horses, you know! (giggles then quickly snaps back into herself) What a liar! I can't believe how I actually listened to that foolishness!

Millie: Why you conniving little--

Lovelace: (ringing a bell) Please take your seats everyone! Now, I would like to introduce you to a new student. She comes all the way from London, England. She is a very long way from home, so I expect a warm welcome! Please come in, Miss Fairweather. (Clara walks in)

Clara: Hello. I'm Clara.


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Thu Mar 17, 2016 2:38 am
BlueDaisy2018 says...



PLEASE READ THIS!!!
Hey guys! This is ACT I of my play. I have no idea what to call it, so after reading it please leave a name I could call it in the comments. Please be brutlly honest if it sucks, but if you do say that, please leave an explanation. If you only read a few scenes that is okay just please specify in your comment what scenes you read. Thanks!!!!!!!




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Sun Jan 03, 2016 11:49 pm
maverymadams wrote a review...



I really like the story line and the characters. You definitely put a twist on this genre and scene that I haven't seen before. I would work on really defining the characters and how they interact with each other more on a emotionally stance than physical. The setting is missing and one thing maybe is a twist or like something the readers would never see coming. Love the Shakespeare stuff though. You are very talented.




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Tue Dec 29, 2015 6:07 pm
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Whatgoescomes wrote a review...



Heeeeeeello again! This one is a bit longer. I enjoyed reading it tough. Before I forget I want to mention I like the their relationship in parallel with William Shakespeare because their relationship has a Romeo and Juliet vibe to it, you know minus the death of five people. It is an interesting plot so far. Now on to constructive criticism! I think you should make use of descriptions. Before the scene just talk about the setting and maybe a little summary because this is a script not a story. you are suppose to kind of point out what you want us to see. I think that will help bring a bit more life and understanding to your work.

I like how you develop your characters in your second part maybe try developing them a bit more make them more like able? (If that's a word haha) not so much like able as believable. But over all I like it and can't wait to read part 2! Title ideasssssssss no idea haha mm

"School house love"

I think wait till you're done with the whole play before you title it.






I agree but it seems silly to have half a play posted with no title. I. Ant come up with any titles that don't seem Soap Opera-ish or like a cheesy paperback romance novel. Thanks for the review!



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Mon Dec 28, 2015 10:20 pm
HolographicLadybug wrote a review...



Greetings! Holographic Ladybug here for a review!*

I'm so happy to be reviewing a new script because hardly anybody posts them! It's very rare ad I'm sometimes scared that I'm one of the only ones. (Mainly because it's hard to get anyone to review it) As you can tell, I'm super pumped, so let's get on with my review (starting with my notes)!

Scene One

You should probably describe what is on the stage because it will help the reader visualize what is going on. Are there chairs and desks with students who are raising their hands on them? Or are they all in a bear cave, using chairs to fend off a rabid bear? Probably something like the first one, I would guess.

Edith: (rushing onstage) I’m here! I was just admiring the new mathematics instructor. He is quite handsome! And so young!

From where onstage is she rushing onto? Stage right or stage left? You should probably specify.

Lovelace: He seemed very taken with you.

I'm just noticing that Lovelace didn't notice Beth come in or her talking with the other girls. A line with her shushing them and another scolding Beth could come in handy.
Spoiler! :
Maybe something a bit like this: (mine is point form though)
Beth enters
Lovelace scolds/disapproves of her lateness
Beth retreats to her seat
Beth gossips with other girls
Lovelace hears them and shushes them
Walter enters
etc.


Betsy: I am a year your senior, and I deserve the first pick.

Did you mean "Betsy: I am a year, you're senior, and I deserve the first pick."

Beth: At least it did not require my father’s extensive funds to acquire a spot here. I had the marks.

I like how you're showing more about your characters. That's a bit more challenging for scripts, so it's great that you've done so. :)

Betsy: Winnifred, please. Ugh.

1. This reminds me so much of something someone said, which brings back so many memories. (Tear of joy)
2. I love this part! So funny!

(Beth sits in a desk reading a thick book, every now and then she mumbles to herself or turns a page. Addison walks in silently and peers over her shoulder. When he begins to speak, she jumps.)
Walter: Ah! A Midsummer Night’s Dream. A lovely work of his. I, myself, prefer Othello to Midsummer. Is this an assignment?

I don't think that describing the book that she's reading as 'thick' is the righ idea. She's reading A Midsummer's Night's Dream, right? I've read it and you should know that it isn't thick at all (Shakespearean language and all). If you would rather have her read an actually thick book, try something else. I wish I could give you another option, but I haven't read much Shakespeare. Maybe Hamlet?

Oh, and by the way, you should probably just refer Walter as Mr. Addison in the script. It gets a little confusing. You shouldn't have just 'Addison' either because many could mistake him for a girl.

Scene Four

You really should describe the setting. You did this for scene two, but not anything I've read so far. (In case you haven't noticed, I'm reviewing as I go along :) )

Walter: No. Next young lady.

Sheesh. (Cue snicker)

Edith: It’s a big company that makes such beautiful dresses like the one I’m wearing. He sends me boxes and boxes of gowns and parasols. They’re very expensive.
Walter: Today we will continue our times tables. Now, let’s get started. What is 3 times 7? (murmurs and giggles) 3 times 7? Anyone? Betsy?

The transition between these two lines seems awkward. Maybe Mr. Addison could clap his hands together or turn away.

Walter: Yes! Yes! Yes! That’s it! Alright, class. Come back tomorrow with times tables 0 through 10 written in your mathematic books. Have a nice lunch, everyone!

The bell should probably ring because him suddenly ending class doesn't quite seem right.

Beth: Everyone is very taken by you, Mr. Addison! Edith has never been able to multiply past the number two before now! You are truly-- (Walter pulls her into a kiss) I...I…

My reaction: HE DID NOT! What kind of teacher does that?! Ew!

Betsy: This is a dormitory, not a ballroom.

Very true. You've made me chuckle, which is great.

Although this is NOT AT ALL a genre I would read, nice work. Your characters were really nice and well thought out (although you should probably be more precise when you listed the cast about ho they are). I've got nothing really all that bad to say about this. Good job.

Title Suggestions
Beth and the Math Teacher
The Teacher Romance
Picnic at Twelve
In the Hallway
Giddy Girls

Just suggestions. Take them or leave them.

Again, amazing work. I really like it when scripts show up on YWS because such talented scriptwriters post them. I've got nothing else to say. Keep it up!
Stay awesome!
~Holographic Ladybug :??//d

*You've mentioned below that you've made some changes. I wrote most of this around the time when it first showed up in the Green Room, but I still needed to do a few bits of my review, so that's why some of it may be out-of-date. ;)






I changed thee kis in scene four to a more...subtle approach to really ease the audience into the whole student/teachr rlationship, and in ACT II there is a new character I am really excited about! I hope to see your review of the next act! I really appreciate your enthusiasm and honesty. Since this is based in the early 1900s, it's hard for some people to get through this kind of script, so kudos to you! Thanks again!





btw: edith is now trudy and betsy is now millie mae, just in case it gets confusing. ;)



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Sat Dec 26, 2015 11:24 am
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Lieke wrote a review...



First of all: what I'm missing right away is a setting. You haven't specified where this is taking place or in what time.
Also, take note of the standard play script format. You can find more information on the BBC Writersroom website for example. It makes your play much easier to read if you stick to the standard format and include all necessary information in the right places.

The beginning was very confusing to read. There are so many characters that I couldn't keep track of who's who. It's alright to have many characters, but because they didn't have very distinct voices, I couldn't keep them apart. A good trick to find out if your characters have their own voices, is covering up their names and checking if you can still guess who is speaking. If you can't, there's something wrong.
It was also more difficult because the names Beth and Betsy are very similar. I'd change one of their names to make it easier to follow.

Honestly, I started reading dedicatedly, but ended up skimming most of this. There just wasn't enough going on, not enough tension or interesting story bits. I don't mean this in a harsh way, but you have a lot of work to do. There definitely is something there and this could be a great story, but you need to structure it. Every scene has to have a clear structure and purpose. A scene has conflict in it, be it positive or negative. It adds something to the story. Act I is the set-up of the play; I need to get to know the characters, but also what's at stake here. After reading this, I don't really feel connected to any of the characters, so you need to work on that.

What I'd suggest now, is that you first read plays. See how others structure their story. Take note of the story formats, etc. Then try to write your story concept in one sentence. What is the story about and why is it worth telling? Make a complete overview of the story first. Write down what every scene is bringing to the play. Why is it worth showing etc.

If you have any questions or need advice, you can always ask me. I'd be more than happy to read a second draft. I write television scripts myself, so that's a bit different, but I think most of the basics are the same. Good luck writing! I definitely think you can do this, so don't feel discouraged by my comments. Again, I don't mean this in a harsh way and I'm also not saying that this play isn't any good, it just needs some more work.






What would you suggest when making each scene have better structure? I've written a lot of plays in the past, but I am particularly struggling with carrying this story. Do you have any ideas on how to make the leads' stand out more and how to make the dialogue less boring? Thanks!





The setting is a school in the early 1900s btw





I changed Betsy-->Millie and Edith-->Trudy as well as edited a few scenes. I realized that the relationship taking off so quickly without getting to know the characters first was a mistake. I haven't posted the edited version, but I will after I've modified each scene. Thanks for the honest review. I really appreciate it.





I added a scene (scene 6) I added a few things to scenes 1 and two and I did some subtle changes up until scene seven. I really wish you would read the second to last scene. I like it, and the last scene is bad. Would you give some pointers? Sorry to badger you. I just keep replying as things come up. Thnks for the help!



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Fri Dec 25, 2015 8:06 pm
BlueDaisy2018 says...



PLEASE READ THIS!!!
Hey guys! This is ACT I of my play. I have no idea what to call it, so after reading it please leave a name I could call it in the comments. Please be brutlly honest if it sucks, but if you do say that, please leave an explanation. If you only read a few scenes that is okay just please specify in your comment what scenes you read. Thanks!!!!!!!





Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'.
— Michael McClary