The wind gently tugging,
At the tips of my hair
My eyes closed
Tears stream down my face
Like a salty waterfall
Winding its way down a smooth surface
Without you here
I’m huddled in a ball
Trying to keep warm
And protect myself
From the harshness of the world
When you left you told me,
That you were sorry it had to end like this
I didn’t think back then
That you really meant we were through.
Thinking it all a joke
I stood on my toes and wrapped my arms
Around your neck,
Pulling you in for a gentle kiss
But you pulled away
And stood there and stared at me
That was when I realized
You were not fooling around
The shine and warmth had left
You’re screaming silver eyes
You backed up
And whispered goodbye
I couldn’t move
I couldn’t speak
You had been everything to me
My safe place
Standing there alone
My heart,
Just another,
Broken in the sand
Now here I am
Hurt and lost and alone
Without you I am nothing
My life is now in shambles
You never told me why
You left me in this way
You never explained
Why you had to go
I’ll never understand
The last words you uttered
To my unsteady soul
“I’ll always love you,
I will never forget,
The fun times we’ve had
You are my everything,
But I have to go.”
If I was your everything
You would still be here
If you loved me
You wouldn’t have left
When you remember
I hope you remember
The pain in my eyes
My voice a whisper
Begging you to stay
When you find another girl
I hope she does the same to you
Blinking the tears
And drying my eyes
I look out on the now setting sun
The sky pink and purple and orange
I think of you
And I stop breathing.
How can I go on?
I stand and slowly
Wade into the sea
Sitting in the salty water
And leaning back
Wondering who will find me
When I am washed along the shore
My hand groping the floor
I locate a rock
And with my last bit of energy
Ram it against my head
Everything blacks out.
I wake up later
Lying in a bed I’ve never seen
A machine helping me breathe
I open my eyes
It didn’t work…..
I’m still here
And you’re still gone
A woman walks in
And sees me awake
She begins to ask me
A series of questions
Why won’t she go?
I need to be alone
Closing my eyes
I groan.
Everything hurts
I fall back into slumber
When I arise
From my world of dreams
There you are
Your face white,
Your eyes closed,
Your hand wrapped around mine
I’ve missed you so
You look up
Your eyes full of relief and pain
A long warm, heartfelt sigh
Escapes from the lips
I long to kiss
“Why?”
You whisper in my ear
And I break out sobbing
Tears stream down your face
As you look at me
A broken mess
In front of you
“You left”
I whisper back
Unable to look
At your face
Closing my eyes
I continue to weep
After a few minutes
I feel your warm lips
Pressing softly against mine
“I love you”
You say to me
Holding my head in your hands
I hope this is a new beginning
I hope you stay,
I hope that you,
Can help my heart
Not be
Just another one
Broken in the sand.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey BlondieMissyAngel!
I know I'm late to review but I found this poem very touching and the title distracted me a lot and I couldn't afford to read and leave it without reviewing! :O
First off, Amazing title and you have really good talent in romantic poems... :')
I cried a little. Honestly, I did. And I read this when my cousin broke up with her boyfriend and the poem seemed almost t true to my cousin's story. She cried a lot reading this :') It's just so wonderful! ^^
This stanza was so cute, I loved it! <3
Especially "huddled in a ball". I suddenly thought a baby cuddled in it's mother's arms. ;D
Now here, the lines are like, it first comes small and then the next line keeps on going on and on...
Try to change that but please, don't change the meaning of the poem. I beg you! D;
The words you convinced through this sentence is.... I'm proud how you describe romance.
It's just so touching and made me cry :'( Along with my cousin too. I just couldn't resist to tell you how this stanza was to me. It hurt me just as it hurt the reader.
Anyway..
I think this poem was a little draggy. I mean it was huge and after a while got me bored :/
So... Try to make it small. That's what influences many people to write poems because it's small and cute.
And the number of lines in a stanza. Make it equal for every stanza.
It's very distracting when a stanza goes over lined in a stanza when the other ones are smaller.
That's all.
Would give this a 8/10!
Again, great job & Keep Writing!
XoXo,
Cookie <3
I found this poem so pretty and sweet. It made my eyes prick with tears, literally. I didn't cry, I almost never do that in writing, but I felt like it, trust me I did. This poem was so meaningful... a bit long but I still liked it that way. I did spot one little mistake which ruined the flow of your words.
Apart from that the flow was lovely and it was a very touching story. Brilliante!!!
Deanie x
This poem is so emotional :O
I figured you weren't going for the smooth angle but either way it's reallyy touching.
I thought she was going to jump in the ocean and drown herself, but then she hit her head against the rock, and I'm like, "Uh-oh." It was sad, but I was gald when the guy came back to her. And I agree with the others that it is kinfd of choppy, but I realze, by what you said, that you realize that and you weren't going for ryhming. But then again, all poems don't have to ryhme! (:
This was pretty godd. It was descriptive.
Beautiful imigary
xxx
Hey guys,
The reason this poem didn't flow is cause it's ment to be like her life was/is. It's choppy and doesn't fit together nicely. I don't know if I'm allowed to do that in a poem, but yeah! o_0
Hey my name is MusicAndWritingSpeak and I'll be your reviewer for today
That was a very sad and touching poem. I'm not really good at reviewing poems and stuff. I don't think you were going for a rhyming poem but it didn't flow smoothly, I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say
That totally reminds me of a dream I had. It still haunts me. I don't really know poetry, but I'll try my best. I'm pretty sure it wasn't met to ryme, but it doesn't seem to flow very well, but that's just me. Keep writing!
Hey guys,
feel free to leave a comment. This isn't anything personal to me, just a random scene that I made up. feel free to leave and honest opinion!