Young Writers Society

Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!

Now, I haven't read any of your other chapters so bear with me here.

Despite not reading previous chapters, I can totally feel the honesty and emotions in this chapter. I don't know Piere and I don't know Xylia, but I know how they feel about each other. And that's what I like. Maybe they were struggling with those feelings in earlier chapters and are just now sharing their insecurities. Maybe they've known how each other felt for a while and just now admitted it out loud. Either way, I think that this is a good way to do it. They're forced to admit their feelings as their relationship grows. I like it.

Although I like the emotion shared here, I feel that it's a bit bland. Sorry if that's harsh, but that's the way I see it. Piere tells Xylia how he feels. Xylia tells Piere how she feels. That's great and everything, but where are all the emotions outside of the words? Why isn't Piere sitting and thinking about what he's done? Isn't he the slightest bit nervous that she will take his words and actions the wrong way and leave her forever? Doesn't he notice the slight quiver in her bottom lip as she tells him of her feelings? There is always the surroundings to think about. I know that you say it's all rushed because they don't really love each other, but there are still feelings that they're having and you're going to have to relay them to us in one way or another.

Overall, I think this is a very necessary chapter in your novel. As I've said, I haven't read the other chapters, but it's always important to know how the characters are thinking and feeling. That's where this chapter comes in. Now from here on out, we'll know how Piere feels about Xylia and vice versa. There won't be much confusion when each of the characters interact with each other. It's like an info dumping chapter minus the info dumping xD

I think I'll check out your other chapters too

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

Hello again, Blocked. Wolf here for a review.

So I understand that this is supposed to be a romance novel, but I really feel like things are moving too fast here. Sure there's a thing that people will call 'Love at First Sight', but real passionate love doesn't come this quickly. If I recall correctly, it's been barely half a week since they first met, maybe not even that long. Sure you've shown him musing a lot about her, but I feel like you should have more of that 'watching from afar' element before you dive into this hardcore romance.

Another thing that makes this feel kind of rushed to me is the chapter length. Most of these chapters are really short, and they can't be more than 800 words. Now that's an okay length for a chapter, but if things like this are to happen, more than likely they'll span across about eight to ten chapters. If these chapters were even just 1, 500 words each, then five chapters would be fine, but this romance seems kind of forced.

The character development has been coming along, yes, but I can't feel the chemistry between these two. To me, there isn't much passion behind the words they are telling each other. Yes, there is some emotion there, but is it enough emotion to portray undying love like the words suggest? Not really. I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh, but I'm not convinced that they are truly on love. An important thing is that the characters need to influence the love, the story, not vise versa. Keep that in mind as you continue writing.

Still, I'm interested. Are they already going to have sex? Young adults these day. A part of me kind of wants to get back to the school setting, because I'm curious as to how they'll react in just passing each other in the halls, or how Pierce's friends will react to their relationship, but don't rush it, remember. Xylia's ambition is very interesting, and I'm excited to see where her development leads. Anyways, Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~