Published December 14, 2011
I dedicate this poem to all those spicy foods out there.
Oh, sweet sweet spicy,
how my tongue tingles with your touch,
my mouth waters with a glance,
I could never eat too much.
Impossible to give me heartburn,
your flavor's so intense,
but if say we were to part,
I would be given heartache.
Oh, sweet sweet spicy,
why do you tempt me so?
A single jar of jalapenos,
ignites my love for you.
No other words possible,
can describe what I have to say,
besides a simple phrase.
I love you, Spicy.
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140,940 Literary Works • 673,770 Reviews
I love the concept and the topic! However, a few quick suggestions: The first stanza rhymed: touch and much. Then you continued the poem and it did not rhyme, which eliminated its readability and flow. Don't take this the wrong way! IT was a great poem and your use of vocabulary and structure were excellent, but the number of syllabus in each line varied, which made it difficult to read. Other than that, it was great! It really is hard to review poetry; it's such a complex art form! But keep up the good work and try reading it out loud every once and a while to see how it sounds; that's what I do.
Thanks,
GG127
Thanks for the feedback!
This last line was a little awkward and and I think maybe you should have tried rhyming with 'possible' instead of 'phrase'. But ya know, whatever floats your boat. I thought this poem was very comical, and a pleasure to read xD
There's too much seriousness around here and this is exactly the kind of thing this place has been needing! I'd love to see you post more of your work
Hey, thanks for the review. This was more based on humor, but I still like spicy. I guess it sorta tastes fruity in a way? I don't know, but thanks, lol.
Hey Blank! Dogs here with your review today! Great poem here I really laughed a lot! But alas I cannot agree with you on this, I just can't handle spicy foods
it really sounds like I am missing out. *sigh* ANYWHO! I really like the imagery and description you poured in here. But there is one major thing that you are missing that I think you should have made really the biggest focus of your poem. The feeling of it. You do use one line describing the feeling like when you say:
"how my tongue tingles with your touch"
This is a great line because it tells us how the spicy foods make you feel, how they taste. How exquisite they are! I suggest you add in more lines like this into your poem. I was so disappointed to find that you didn't add in more of this kind of feeling, your goal in this poem is to tell the reader:
1: How much you love spicy foods
2: Why you love spicy foods
3: How do they taste? What do they feel like on your tongue? What is the after taste like? How does the spicy-ness feel?
You answered the first 2 questions very well. But it's on the 3rd question that you leave us hanging! I simple must know! WHAT DOES SPICY FOOD TASTE LIKE!!!!! Answer that for us and you will be well on your way to an amazing poem! Keep up the good work!!!!
TuckEr EllsworTh