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Lafayette's Love

by Blairwood


Warning: This work has been rated 18+.

"Hurry up and get out of here. My wife is on her way home!" I nod and quickly rush out with my head down. I am given old boys clothes and sent back to the shed. night comes and I get my stuff together in an old brown bag and climb out the window running away.

I collapse on the ground outside a building. It starts to rain heavily. My life is useless what am I but a slave? My parents died before I was born so I am forced to make money however I can even if it means I must sell myself. I'm disgusting. A few minutes later a man walks up to me. "Miss? Are you alright?"He reaches his hand out to me and I flinch, covering my head with my arms as I sit, curled into a ball. "Miss, I'm not going to hurt you, please let me help, come with me." He gently pulls me up by my arm. "I'm Alexander, Alexander Hamilton. And you are?" I look down and am quiet, ashamed of my name. he sighs and starts walking with me. he takes me into a building. he walks off to get me a towel. then, two men jump out and scream at me. I yelp and fall against the corner of a wall, holding my head for protection. they start trying to talk to me, but I don't hear what they're saying. I close my eyes tightly and pull my legs up to my chest. I feel tears in my eyes, but they don't fall down my cheeks. next thing I know, I'm pulled into someone's lap.

-Lafayette-POV-

I hear the guys scare Alexander, but instead of him I hear a girl yelp like a small dog. I rush out there to see the guys frantically apologizing to a girl who's curled up in the corner of the room. "Mon ami, you're only scaring her more."I push the John and mulligan away from her and pull her into my lap. Her small frame fitting perfectly against me. I sit with and wrap my arms around her. "shh, mon amour it is alright." She hesitates at first but wraps her arms around my stomach, turning into me and straddling me. I wrap my arms around her lower back, and she pushes her head against my neck. I bring my left hand up and gently pet her tangled brown hair. "Mon chi, look at me. She slowly pulls away and looks up into my eyes. A singer tear lingers under her eye and I gently brush it away with my thumb, caressing her cheek. "You are ok now, no one's going to hurt you, I speak softly. "No need to be afraid. She pushes her head back on my shoulder and against my neck and I pick her up with ease. my hand under her butt and other now on her back. the guys look at her apologetically and mulligan speaks. "Miss, we are so sorry, we thought you were Alexander. "Yeah, we didn't mean to scare you." John finishes. She stays quiet and holds me a little tighter. "Mon ami, we should all go to sleep." Alexander hands me a towel for her and they leave. I set her in a chair and dry her off. "Let me get you some clean clothes mon chi" I walk away and come back with one of my older shirts and a jacket. I didn't have any pants that wouldn't just fall off her, mulligan can fix that tomorrow. "Here, put these on."She nods and stands up looking down. I turn around for her and she gets changed. After a minute or so I turn around and blush. she looks so innocent and cute~ and my shirt goes down to her mid-thigh; the sleeves go over her hands and the top two buttons are broken. She looks up at me and looks back down waiting. She's so cute! wait what? shut up. I Shake my head to get the thought out. she has some scars on her legs, I decide to leave it be till she's calmer around me. "Come mon ange, we must go to bed, it is late." She nods and walks next to me. She takes my hand in her small one hesitantly and I blush lightly and start walking. I go to where the guys and I sleep, there's only four beds, and there's no way she's sleeping with one of them. I lay down and pat the place beside me. "Come, lay down and we will sleep." She lays next to me and curls up into a tight little ball. she shivers coldly and I pull her into my chest. she stiffens as I wrap my arms around her but she soon relaxes and goes to sleep, me following soon after.

Lafayette-POV-

I wake up and blush as I see me and the girl laying together. She's on my stomach with her legs on either side of my hips, her arms are around my neck with her head on my chest and my right hand on her bootie and my left on her mid-to-lower back. the guys are all standing around us and whispering and giggling like girls. "Quiet your voices mon ami, you'll wake her up." They nod and whisper back and forth around us. She slowly wakes up and stretches, pushing herself against me. she sighs and puts her head on my shoulder, moving up on me slightly. the guys awe and she snuggle closer to me. I gently pet her hair. "Mon coeur, it is time to wake up." She mumbles. "mais je ne veux pas me lever, s'il vous plat mon amour?" (meaning: but I do not want to get up, please?)My eyes widen as do the rest of the guys. Alex is the first to speak. "She speaks French?" she nods sleepily. "oui" I chuckle and kiss her head. "Come mon chou, wake up." She tenses up and gets off me sitting on the floor and bowing and whispering. "I-I'm sorry."I sigh and pull her back up onto my lap. "Mon ch'ri, you did nothing wrong, enough of the bowing, alright? now what were you so sorry for?" She glances at the bed and puts her head back down. I sigh and rub her back gently. "Would you like some breakfast?" she shakes her head no. I get up and sit her on the bed. she still won't look at me or the other guys. I bend down and sit on my feet. "Mon amour, what is your name?"She is quiet. I sigh and hold her chin with my hand tilting it up to look at me. "Mon ch'ri, I need to know your name, please?" She blushes light pink and whispers. "Th-The-Theo..." I nod and the guys look confused. "That's a nice name mon ch'ri." The guys get ready to say something and I give them a look saying not to. They understand and just let it go. I stand up and pat her head. "Mon ch'ri, I would like you to stay under the blanket." She nods and covers back up. "Why?"John asks. "Because I don't want you men looking at her." They laugh. "French fry got a cruuuush! French fry wanna have some of that!" I grab Johns shirt and pull him up to me. "Mon ami, do not embarrass me by saying such things. She is a lady and should be treated as such. So, you will not speak in such a disrespectful way, do you understand me?" "J-jeez Laf it was just a j-joke!" "Maybe, but still, apologize to her." He looks over. "I'm s-sorry Theo, I will watch what I say better!" I nod and drop him, and smile as I fix my jacket. I look at mulligan. "I need you to fix up some pants for her, please." He nods. "No problem I'll model her after breakfast." I nod. "Alright, then let's eat!"We go to the little kitchen and start cooking while Theo waits in bed. this will be an interesting day.

*after breakfast*

I get a sandwich and bring it to Theo. "You need to eat." She shakes her head no again. I sigh and give her a serious look and speak sternly. "Ch'ri, you will eat at least this sandwich. Do you understand me?" She sits up, looking down and nods. "Y-yes sir..." I hand her the sandwich and she starts to rip off small pieces, slowly eating it. I pat her hair and kiss her forehead. after she eats half of it she puts it down. "F-full..." I sigh and nod taking it back and walking to the guys.

"Mon ami." I look at mulligan. Come on, you have to sow up some pants for Theo." He nods. "Alright." We go back to the room where she should be and she's gone. "Theo? Where are you?" I look around with mulligan and the other guys come in. "Alexander, look in the next room." He nods and walks away. A few minutes later I hear him. "Uh, guys! I found her..." We all rush to into the room to find Alexander. "Where is she?" He points to a corner where I see Theo next to three empty bottles of whiskey and half a bottle of bourbon. I sigh and shake my head walking over to her and picking her up. "Ch'ri, what were you thinking?" she giggles and curls up against my chest. I chuckle and the guys awe. "Come on, you need pants." We all laugh a little and mulligan comes with me to the other room. I sit her on the bed and she wraps her arms around my neck pulling me closer, your lips only a few inches apart. I blush and she giggles as I pull away. "Damn Laf, your redder than red coats with blood stains!" I role my eyes. "Just make her some pants." He laughs and walks over, measuring her waist and legs. I start getting frustrated. "Are you done yet?" He chuckles. "Almost, don't worry Laf I'm not gonna try something." She starts squirming to get away from him. "Mon amour, what's wrong? I sit next to her and pull her into my lap. "It's alright." She calms down and lets him finish. "Give me ten minutes I'll have a perfect fit." He walks off. and she starts squirming again. "Stop." She freezes. "What is wrong?" She gets up and starts waking for the door. I get up to see what she's doing and see her try to leave. I grab her wrist and turn her around towards me. "I'm sorry love but I cannot let you go." She looks down and nods walking back with me. "Mon ch'ri..." she looks up at me. "You will be coming to my home. Alright?" she nods. I smile and say goodbye to the guys. "I'm going to take Theo to get work!" "Alright, it was nice to meet you." Mulligan brings her the pants and she puts them on. I thank him and we leave.

*a few weeks later at Hamilton's secret wedding party for the guys and after they haven't seen Theo since Laf took her to find work*

-Lafayette-POV-

After we sing our little song to hammy when Laurens comes up to me smirking. "Well I heard, you got a special someone on the side, sir~" He leans on my shoulder. I blush. "Oh really?" Ham buts in. "What're you trying to hide sir." "s-stop calling me that!" Ham chuckles. "It's alright sir, I wish you'd have brought her with you tonight, sir." "Well I-I can't." "Why not?" "She doesn't know." "Know what?" "That I like her..." "WHAT?" "I can't tell her..." "Why not?" I lower my head. "I don't want to lose her." They all hug me and give me a drink. Mulligan smiles at me. "Then we will have to see if she likes you! Now who's the unlucky baguette?" I blush. "N-no one you'd know..." "YOUR LYING!" "I-I should go." Hamilton laughs. "No, they should go." "What!" John yelled "No!" "Leave us alone!" They sigh and leave. Ham sits and kicks out a chair for me. I sit down and run my hand through my hair. "Laf, if you love this girl go get her, why wait?" I shake my head. "Because she has a bad past... I don't want to scare her." "What do you mean?" "I think she was a slave ham..." "I see-" "A slave used by men..." "oh shit." "Yeah." "I'm sorry, but she must know your different." "I honestly don't know, I found her old owner and payed them off. So, now I technically own her, but I've been trying to show her that she doesn't have to do anything for me." "I see, well, could I meet her?" I sigh. 'you already have.' I think to myself. "Let's go I guess." He smiles and we walk out.

*after they arrive at Lafayette's home*

-Lafayette-POV- "Just, try not to scare her mon ami, alright?" He nods. "Ok, no problem." We walk in. "Mon ch'ri, please come here." I speak with a slightly raised voice and she comes quickly down the hall. I hear Alexander gasp. "You?" I nod. "Yes, her." She walks up and hugs me, knowing I like hugs when I first get home. "Amour, please say hi to mon ami."She steps back and bows her head for a second. "h-hi..." She speaks quietly, looking at the floor. "Hey..." "Mon ch'ri d'amour, could you go to our room for a while?" She nods and leaves.

Alexander looks at me. "Our? As in you... share a room?" I sigh. "I tried having her sleep alone and she kept having nightmares, so I had her come to my room, and the nightmares stopped. Now she sleeps with me every night." He nods in understanding. "Well, that means she trusts you at least." "I guess." We walk to the kitchen and get some food, sitting down. "Laf, she's delicate... has she told you anything? " I shake my head sadly. "Sadly not, but I don't blame her... a lot must have happened for her to be like this..." He nods in agreement. "You should try to ask her, see what happened." "Friend how could I do that?" He sighs. "Here, we can do it now, alright?" "Wait-" "Theo, come here please!" At least keep your voice down, you'll scare her." He nods and apologizes as she walks in with her head down. I speak softly. "Could you come sit please?" She nods and sits in a chair in front of us. Alexander speaks next. "Theo, could you tell us what happened to you?" She straightens up, with her head still down and whispers. "What ever could you mean sir?" I sigh sadly. "Mon amour, before we found you, what was your life?" She goes quiet then whispers. "I was a red slave..." We look at her confused. "What does that mean?" Alex asks. she whispers so quietly it's barely audible. "It means sex slave, I'm sorry." she stands and bows. my heart clenches for her. And Alexander speaks. "What are you sorry for?" "for being so disgusting... for being a disappointment... I'm sorry I can't be better for you." she glances up at me and looks back down. I grab her shoulders and pull her into my chest, giving her a hug. "What did I say about bowing?" She relaxes against me and I pet her hair. Alexander clears his throat. "I think I should go... it was great to see you again, Theo if you ever need someone to talk to, just call." "Au revoir mon ami." "au revoir!" he says in a fake accent. I chuckle and wave him off. Me and Theo end up going back to bed and going to sleep in each other's arms.

-Theo-pov-

It's been a few days since I told Laf about what I was... he seemed to accept me... but he'll change... hell, they always do... he was out with his friends and I decided to go on a walk. as I walk I'm the only girl in pants and a shirt like the men's... a girl walks up to me with two others behind her. "So, your the slut who seduced Lafayette." I look down sadly. she scoffs. "Ugly little bitch. Aren't you?" quiet. she slaps me. "I asked you a question." I keep my eyes at the ground as i nod and speak quietly. "y-yes miss..." "Yes what?" I sigh in humiliation as I speak. "Yes, I'm am u-ugly little bitch..." she smiles and laughs. She roughly grabs my arm making me wince as she drags me to an ally.... no one's here.... after a few seconds two men appear.... she smirks evilly. "He won't want you after this." She spits at me and pushes me on the ground. "Have your fun." She speaks to the men and leaves with the other girls. they smile sickly as they stalk closer... "p-please... d-don't do this!" I'm cut off by one of them punching me. I feel tears start to stream down my cheeks as I try with all my strength to push them away after a few hours they finally leave... I talk to the ground. I want to cry... I want to cry with all I have.... but I have no tears left. I get up and pull on the remains of my clothes. Lafayette is at a wedding party for Alex... I rush home and write a note, knowing he won't be back for a little while.

Tears finally come back as I flinch in disgust as I finish the letter, putting it on the table. I go back into Lafayette's room, looking around and finding his pistol. I go to the bathroom to look at myself. I have bruises all over and scratch marks on my thighs... along with the rest of my scars it looks even more horrible. I sigh and get dressed in new clothes as I wipe my tear stained cheeks and go to the kitchen again, standing on the table. by now the suns coming back up on a new day. I look towards the door into the kitchen, from the outside as I bring the small gun to my temple. I clench my eyes shut as tears come again. I bring back the trigger. I get ready to shoot when I hear laughing. the door opens and the laughing dies quickly as Lafayette and Alexander stand there, taking in what's happening. "A-amour...? w-what are you doing?" I open my eyes and look at him as a few slip down my cheeks. Alex looks scared... but Lafayette...? He looks terrified... scared to death... "g-goodbye f-frenchie..." I say trying to lighten the mood. Lafayette starts walking closer. My eyes follow him as I push the gun harder against my head. "c-ch'ri, don't do this... please..." I try to look away from him but I can't. I go to look at Alex when he speaks again. "Theo... look at me..." I reluctantly do so. "Don't do this..." My heart clenches. "Theo... I love you..." "l-liar!" I close my eyes as I start to pull the trigger. I hear the panic and terror in his voice as he shouts. "No!" out of nowhere the gun fly's out of my hand and I jump. I turn to see Alexander had his gun out. this was all to distract me... tears start falling more freely as I look back at Lafayette. "Liar! I knew you where I liar- how could you ever love something like me!" I'm cut off by him pulling me off the table and into his arms and he holds me comfortingly. "Mon ch'ri... I would never lie to you... I-I... I think I'm in love with you Theo..." He hugs me tighter as he pushes his face against the side of my neck I slowly start to calm down. Alex sees my note and grabs it. I panic again as I try to break free from Lafs grasp. Alex looks pissed as he reads most likely the part that explained what happened yesterday/last night. "Laf. I think you need to read this!" "He looks at him confused as he has Alex hold my arm, so I don't try anything stupid. I watch as he slowly gets more and more pissed. by the end he looks infuriated. He holds me again "I will always protect you ch'ri. Will you be mine?" I nod happily knowing now I'm safe.


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Sat May 11, 2019 11:40 pm
Anma says...



Hope you don't mind, but i went through it a bit. Here are some suggestions i have for you.

"Hurry up and get out of here. My wife is on her way home!"
I nod and quickly rush out with my head down. I am given old boys clothes and sent back to the shed. (Night) comes, and I (gather) my stuff in an old brown bag and climb out the window running.
I collapse on the ground outside a (tall) building. It starts to rain heavily (and I get sooked).
My life is useless, what am I but a slave?
My parents died before I was born(, )so I am forced to make money (anyway) I can(.) Even if it means I (have to) sell myself. I'm disgusting. A few minutes later a man walks up to me.
"Miss? Are you alright?"
He reaches his hand out to me(,) and I flinch, covering my head with my arms(.) (As) I (sat there) curled into a ball.
"Miss, I'm not going to hurt you, please let me help(.)Come with me."
He gently pulls me up by my arm.
"I'm Alexander, Alexander Hamilton. And you are?"
I look down and am quiet, ashamed of my name. (H)e sighs and starts walking with me. (H)e takes me into a building(, and) walks off to get a towel. (When he was gone) two men jump(ed) out and (started screaming) at me. I yelp and fall against the corner of a wall, holding my head for protection. (T)hey (begin) to talk to me, but I don't hear what they're saying. I close my eyes tightly and pull my legs up to my chest. I feel tears in my eyes, but they don't fall down my cheeks. (N)ext thing I know, I'm pulled into someone's lap.
-Lafayette-POV-
I hear the guys scare Alexander, but instead of him(,) I hear a girl yelp like a small dog. I rush out there to see the guys frantically apologizing to a girl who's curled up in the corner of the room.
"Mon ami, you're only scaring her more."
I push John and Mulligan away from her (pulling) her into my lap. Her small frame fitting perfectly against me. I sit with (my arms around her).
"Shh, mon amour it is alright."
She hesitates at first but wraps her arms around my stomach, turning into me and straddling me. I wrap my arms around her lower back, and she pushes her head against my neck. I bring my left hand up and gently pet her tangled brown hair.
"Mon chi, look at me(”).
She slowly pulls away and looks up into my eyes. A (single) tear lingers under her eye(,) and I gently brush it away with my thumb, caressing her cheek.
"You are ok now, no one's going to hurt you,” I speak softly.
"(There is) no need to be afraid”.
She pushes her head back on my shoulder and against my neck(.) I pick her up with ease(,) my hand under her butt and other on her back. The guys look at her apologetically(,) and Mulligan speaks.
"Miss, we are so sorry, we thought you were Alexander.”
"Yeah, we didn't mean to scare you." John finishes.
She stays quiet and holds me a little tighter.
"Mon ami, we should all go to sleep."
Alexander hands me a towel for her(,) and they leave. I set her in a chair and dry her off.
"Let me get you some clean clothes mon chi."
I walk away and come back with one of my older shirts and a jacket. I didn't have any pants that (would fit the girl), Mulligan can fix that tomorrow.
"Here, put these on(," I say handing them to her).
She nods and stands up looking down. I turn around for her (to get) changed. After a minute or so I turn around and blush. She looks so innocent and cute. My shirt (falls all the way) down to her mid-thigh(, and the) sleeves go over her hands. The top two buttons (are) broken. She looks up at me and looks back down waiting.
She's so cute! Wait, what? Shut up.
I Shake my head to get the thought out. She has some scars on her legs, I decide to leave it be till she's calmer around me.
"(Common) ange, we must go to bed, it’s late."
She nods and walks (up) next to me. She takes my hand in her small one hesitantly(,) and I blush lightly and start walking. I go to where the guys and I sleep, (there are) only four beds, and there's no way she's sleeping with one of them. I lay down and pat the place beside me.
"Come, lay down(,) and we will sleep."
She lays next to me and curls up into a tight little ball. She shivers coldly(,) and I pull her into my chest. She stiffens as I wrap my arms around her, but she soon relaxes and goes to sleep, me following (shortly) after.
Lafayette-POV-
I wake up and blush as I see (the girl and me) laying together. She's on my stomach with her legs on either side of my hips, her arms are around my neck, her head on my chest. My right hand (rested) on her bootie and my left on her mid-to-lower back. The guys are all standing around us and whispering and giggling like girls.
"Quiet your voices mon ami, you'll wake her up."
They nod and whisper back and forth around us. (The girl) slowly wakes up and stretches, pushing herself against me. She sighs and puts her head on my shoulder, moving up on me slightly. The guy's awe (as) she snuggles closer to me. I gently pet her hair.
"Mon coeur, it is time to wake up." She mumbles.
"Mais je ne veux pas me lever, s'il vous plat mon amour?" (meaning: but I do not want to get up, please?)
My eyes widen as do the rest of the guys. Alex is the first to speak.
"She speaks French?" she nods sleepily.
"Oui" I chuckle and kiss her head.
"Come mon chou, wake up."
She tenses up and gets off me sitting on the floor and bowing and whispering.
"I-I'm sorry."
I sigh and pull her back up onto my lap.
"Mon ch'ri, you did nothing wrong, enough of the bowing, alright? Now(,) what were you so sorry for?"
She glances at the bed and puts her head back down. I sigh and rub her back gently.
"Would you like some breakfast?" she shakes her head.
I get up and sit her on the bed. She still won't look at (the other guys or me). I bend down and sit on my feet.
"Mon amour, what is your name?"She is quiet.
I sigh and hold her chin with my hand tilting it up to look at me.
"Mon ch'ri, I need to know your name, please?" She blushes light pink and whispers.
"Th-The-Theo..." I nod, and the guys look confused.
"That's a nice name mon ch'ri."
The guys get ready to say something(,) and I give them a look saying not to. They understand and just let it go. I stand up and pat her head.
"Mon ch'ri, I would like you to stay under the blanket."
She nods and covers back up.
"Why?"John asks.
"Because I don't want you men looking at her."
They laugh.
"French fry got a cruuuush! French fry wanna have some of that!" I grab Johns shirt and pull him up to me.
"Mon ami, do not embarrass me by saying such things. She is a lady and should be treated as such. So, you will not speak in such a disrespectful way, do you understand me?"
"J-jeez Laf it was just a j-joke!"
"Maybe, but still, apologize to her." He looks over.
"I'm s-sorry Theo, I will watch what I say better!"
I nod and drop him, and smile as I fix my jacket. I look at Mulligan.
"I need you to fix up some pants for her, please."
He nods.
"No problem I'll model her after breakfast."
"Alright, then let's eat!" We go to the little kitchen and start cooking while Theo waits in bed. This will be an interesting day.
*after breakfast*
I get a sandwich and bring it to Theo.
"You need to eat."
She shakes her head no again. I sigh and give her a serious look and speak sternly.
"Ch'ri, you will eat at least this sandwich. Do you understand me?"
She sits up, looking down and nods.
"Y-yes, sir..." I hand her the sandwich(,) and she starts to rip off small pieces, slowly eating it. I pat her hair and kiss her forehead. After she eats half of it(,) she puts it down.
"F-full..." I sigh and nod taking it back and walking to the guys.
"Mon ami." I look at Mulligan. “Come on, you have to (sow) up some pants for Theo."
He nods. "Alright."
We go back to the room where she should be, and she's gone.
"Theo? Where are you?"
I look around with Mulligan(,) and the other guys come in.
"Alexander, look in the next room."
He nods and walks away. A few minutes later I hear him.
"Uh, guys! I found her..."
We all rush into the room to find Alexander.
"Where is she?"
He points to a corner where I see Theo next to three empty bottles of whiskey and half a bottle of bourbon. I sigh and shake my head walking over to her and picking her up.
"Ch'ri, what were you thinking?"
She giggles and curls up against my chest. I chuckle(,) and the guys awe.
"Come on, you need pants."
We all laugh a little and mulligan comes with me to the other room. I sit (Theo) on the bed(,) and she wraps her arms around my neck pulling me closer, (our) lips only a few inches apart. I blush, and she giggles as I pull away.
"Damn Laf, (you're) redder than red coats with blood stains!" I (roll) my eyes.
"Just make her some pants."
He laughs and walks over, measuring her waist and legs. I start getting frustrated. "Are you done yet?" He chuckles.
"Almost, don't worry Laf I'm not gonna try something."
She starts squirming to get away from him.
"Mon amour, what's wrong? I sit next to her and pull her into my lap.
"It's alright."
She calms down and lets him finish.
"Give me ten minutes(.) I'll have a perfect fit."
He walks off(,) and she starts squirming again.
"Stop."
She freezes.
"What is wrong?"
She gets up and starts waking for the door. I get up to see what she's doing and see her try to leave. I grab her wrist and turn her around towards me.
"I'm sorry love(,) but I cannot let you go."
She looks down and nods walking back with me.
"Mon ch'ri..." she looks up at me.
"You will be coming to my home. Alright?" she nods.
I smile and say goodbye to the guys.
"I'm going to take Theo to get work!"
"Alright, it was nice to meet you."
Mulligan brings her the pants(,) and she puts them on. I thank him(,) and we leave.
*a few weeks later at Hamilton's secret wedding party for the guys and after they haven't seen Theo since Laf took her to find work*
-Lafayette-POV-
After we sing our little song to hammy when Laurens comes up to me smirking.
"Well I heard, you got a special someone on the side, sir~" He leans on my shoulder.
I blush.
"Oh really?" Ham buts in.
"What're you trying to hide sir."
"s-stop calling me that!" Ham chuckles.
"It's alright sir, I wish you'd have brought her with you tonight, sir."
"Well I-I can't."
"Why not?"
"She doesn't know."
"Know what?"
"That I like her..."
"WHAT?" He asked looking at me.
"I can't tell her..."(I say looking away.)
"Why not?"(He pressures).
I lower my head.
"I don't want to lose her."
They all hug me and give me a drink. Mulligan smiles at me.
"Then we will have to see if she likes you! Now(,) who's the unlucky baguette?" I blush.
"N-no one you'd know..."
"YOUR LYING!"
"I-I should go."
Hamilton laughs.
"No, they should go."
"What!" John yelled "No!" "Leave us alone!" They sigh and (leaving).
Ham sits and kicks out a chair for me. I sit down and run my hand through my hair.
"Laf, if you love this girl go get her, why wait?" I shake my head.
"Because she has a bad past... I don't want to scare her."
"What do you mean?"
"I think she was a slave ham..."
"I see-" "A slave used by men..."
"Oh shit."
"Yeah…."
"I'm sorry, but she must know your different."
"I honestly don't know, I found her old owner and (paid) them off. So, now I technically own her, but I've been trying to show her that she doesn't have to do anything for me."
"I see, well, could I meet her?" I sigh.
'you already have,' I think to myself.
"Let's go I guess."
He smiles, and we walk out.
*after they arrive at Lafayette's home*
-Lafayette-POV-
"Just, try not to scare her mon ami, alright?" He nods.
"Ok, no problem."
We walk in.
"Mon ch'ri, please come here," I speak with a slightly raised voice.
She comes quickly down the hall. I hear Alexander gasp.
"You?" I nod.
"Yes, her."
She walks up and hugs me, knowing I like hugs when I first get home.
"Amour, please say hi to mon ami."She steps back and bows her head for a second.
"H-hi..." She speaks quietly, looking at the floor.
"Hey..."
"Mon ch'ri d'amour, could you go to our room for a while?" She nods and leaves.
Alexander looks at me.
"Our? As in you... share a room?" I sigh.
"I tried having her sleep alone, and she kept having nightmares, so I had her come to my room, and the nightmares stopped. Now she sleeps with me every night."
He nods in understanding.
"Well, that means she trusts you at least."
"I guess."
We walk to the kitchen and get some food, sitting down.
"Laf, she's delicate... has she told you anything?"
I shake my head, "Sadly not, but I don't blame her... a lot must have happened for her to be like this..."
He nods in agreement.
"You should try to ask her, see what happened."
"Friend(,) how could I do that?" He sighs.
"Here, we can do it now, alright?"
"Wait-"
"Theo, come here please!"
At least keep your voice down, you'll scare her."
He nods and apologizes as she walks in with her head down. I speak softly.
"Could you come (to) sit please?"
She nods and sits in a chair in front of us. Alexander speaks next.
"Theo, could you tell us what happened to you?"
She straightens up, with her head still down and whispers.
"(Whatever) could you mean sir?" I sigh sadly.
"Mon amour, before we found you, what was your life?"
She goes quiet then whispers.
"I was a red slave..." We look at her confused.
"What does that mean?" Alex asks.
She whispers so quietly it's barely audible.
"It means sex slave, I'm sorry."
She stands and bows. My heart clenches for her, and Alexander speaks.
"What are you sorry for?"He asks.
"For being so disgusting... for being a disappointment... I'm sorry I can't be better for you."
She glances up at me and looks back down. I grab her shoulders and pull her into my chest, giving her a hug.
"What did I say about bowing?"
She relaxes against me(,) and I pet her hair. Alexander clears his throat.
"I think I should go... it was great to see you again, Theo if you ever need someone to talk to, just call."
"Au revoir mon ami." "au revoir!" he says in a fake accent.
I chuckle and wave him off. Theo and I end up going to bed, (falling) asleep in each other's arms.
-Theo-pov-
It's been a few days since I told Laf about what I was... he seemed to accept me... but he'll change... hell, they always do... he was out with his friends(,) and I decided to go on a walk. As I walk I'm the only girl in pants and a shirt like the men's... a girl walks up to me with two others behind her.
"So, (you’re) the slut who seduced Lafayette."
I look down sadly, (and the girl) scoffs.
"Ugly little bitch, Aren't you?" she says.
(I stay) quiet, (and) she slaps me.
"I asked you a question" (she growled).
I keep my eyes at the ground as I nod and speak quietly.
"Y-yes miss..."
"Yes, what?" (She says grinning.)
I sigh in humiliation as I speak.
"Yes, I'm am (a) u-ugly little bitch..."
(The girl) smiles and laughs. She roughly grabs my arm making me wince as she drags me to an ally... (There was) no one's here... After a few seconds(,) two men appear. She smirks (at me).
"He won't want you after this."
She spits at me and pushes me (to) the ground.
"Have your fun" She (says) to the men, and leaves with the other girls. (The men) smile sickly as they stalk closer...
"P-please... d-don't do this!"I say.
I'm cut off by one of them punching me. I feel tears start to stream down my cheeks as I try with all my strength to push them away after a few hours they finally leave... I talk to the ground. I want to cry... I want to cry with all I have.... but I have no tears left. I get up and pull on the remains of my clothes. Lafayette is at a wedding party for Alex... I rush home and write a note, knowing he won't be back for a little while.
Tears finally come back as I flinch in disgust as I finish the letter, putting it on the table. I go back into Lafayette's room, looking around and finding his pistol. I go to the bathroom to look at myself. I have bruises all over and scratch marks on my thighs... along with the rest of my scars (I look) even more horrible. I sigh and get dressed in new clothes as I wipe my tear-stained cheeks and go to the kitchen again, standing on the table. By now the suns coming back up on a new day. I look towards the door into the kitchen, from the outside, as I bring the small gun to my temple. I clench my eyes shut as tears come again. I bring back the trigger. I get ready to shoot when I hear laughing. The door opens(,) and the laughing dies quickly as Lafayette and Alexander stand there, taking in what's happening.
"A-amour...? w-what are you doing?"
I look at him as a few slips down my cheeks. Alex looks scared... but Lafayette...? He (seems) terrified... scared to death...
"g-goodbye f-frenchie..." I say trying to lighten the mood.
Lafayette starts walking closer. My eyes follow him as I push the gun harder against my head.
"c-ch'ri, don't do this... please..."
I try to look away from him but I can't. I go to look at Alex when he speaks again.
"Theo... look at me..." I reluctantly do so. "Don't do this..." My heart clenches. "Theo... I love you..."
"L-liar!" I (say closing) my eyes as I start to pull the trigger. I hear the panic and terror in his voice as he shouts.
"No!"
Out of nowhere(,) the gun fly's out of my hand(,) and I jump. I turn to see Alexander had his gun out. This was all to distract me... tears start falling more freely as I look back at Lafayette.
"Liar! I knew you where I liar- how could you ever love something like me!"
I'm cut off by him pulling me off the table and into his arms, and he holds me comfortingly.
"Mon ch'ri... I would never lie to you... I-I... I think I'm in love with you Theo..." He hugs me tighter as he pushes his face against the side of my neck(;) I slowly start to calm down. Alex sees my note and grabs it. I panic again as I try to break free from Lafs grasp. Alex looks pissed as he reads most likely the part that explained what happened yesterday/last night. "Laf, I think you need to read this."
Laf looks at him confused as he has Alex hold my arm, so I don't try anything stupid. I watch as he slowly gets more and more pissed. By the end, he looks infuriated. He holds me again
"I will always protect you ch'ri. Will you be mine?" I nod happily knowing now (that) I'm safe.

Sorry the space is off! Were there is blank that means you should probably put it in a next paragraph. Anyway, here you go. Feel free to ignore it! Or use it!




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Sat May 11, 2019 11:07 pm
Anma wrote a review...



Hello Blair!!
I REALLY ENJOYED READING THIS!! LIKE ITS MY FAV!
So a few things before i start. I want to say this is really a touchy story. Also if we could get it really good you could totally pull of publishing it. I would really like you to do it. But its your choice!

Anyways!!
So this might be a little confusing to go over. And i hope you don't mind me picking at details so much. Here is a small review of it. So first thing i noticed is there is a lot of grammar and punctuation errors. Now its not to bad, but it does confuse the reader. I feel like this would be better if it was in past tense, and 3rd person. But that's just my thought process on it. There are a few parts of the story i didn't quite understand who the main person was. and your detail was a little offset. I think it could be really good, i just think you should work on it a little more. I can give you some suggestions if you like. I would be glad to help. Either than that its really good. The meaning of the story is so sad, but sweet at the same time. I really enjoyed reading this, and i hope to talk to you more about it.

Have a wonderful day!

Sincerely
Anma




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Sat May 11, 2019 4:38 am
Anma says...



Love it! I'll review it latter!




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Fri May 10, 2019 5:05 pm
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Liberty wrote a review...



Hello Blair!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, obviously depending on what side of the world you're on. I'm here to give you a review on this fantastic story of yours! Let's get right into it now, shall we? Let's start right from the beginning. (Not from the beginning beginning but ya know what I mean... Right? Hopefully you do, but anyways.)

night comes and I get my stuff together in an old brown bag and climb out the window running away.


Alright, here, the bold word is supposed to be capitalized since it's the first word of the sentence.

My life is useless what am I but a slave?


To be honest, I'd suggest making this sentence into two. Like this:

My life is useless. What am I but a slave?

Next one:

"Mon chi, look at me. She slowly pulls away and looks up into my eyes. A singer tear lingers under her eye and I gently brush it away with my thumb, caressing her cheek. "You are ok now, no one's going to hurt you, I speak softly. "No need to be afraid. She pushes her head back on my shoulder and against my neck and I pick her up with ease. my hand under her butt and other now on her back. the guys look at her apologetically and mulligan speaks. "Miss, we are so sorry, we thought you were Alexander. "Yeah, we didn't mean to scare you." John finishes. She stays quiet and holds me a little tighter. "Mon ami, we should all go to sleep." Alexander hands me a towel for her and they leave. I set her in a chair and dry her off.


Over here, there are quite a lot of things that I'd like to talk about.

1) Whenever you start a new sentence, always always always, start with a capitalized letter.

2) When you are making a dialogue, then make sure to always put it is the end of the sentence and the beginning of the sentence. For example:

Mary sighed as she sat down on her bed. "I wish I could have a bunny."

Notice that I put two quotation marks. :D

3) When you are writing names, they need to be capitalized. For example: You wrote mulligan not Mulligan. I'm pretty sure Mulligan is a person.

4) When there are a lot of people talking, then you want to make sure your readers now who is actually talking. For example:

"But I want to go to the party!" "Well you're not allowed." "Can I please? I'll come back before sundown!"

That is one way to write it. The clearer way would be:

"But I want to go to the party!" Ashley whined.
"Well you're not allowed." Momma said sternly.
"Can I please? I'll come back before sundown!" Ashley cried.

I hope you understand my point. Onwards. ;)

she looks so innocent and cute~ and my shirt goes down to her mid-thigh; the sleeves go over her hands and the top two buttons are broken. She looks up at me and looks back down waiting.


The first bold word, must be capitalized. And the second bold word - I wouldn't call it word, symbol would be a better word - I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be an exclamation mark (!) instead of a squiggly line (~). Then, the third bold word, would be capitalized, too. That's it for this part!

wait what? shut up. I Shake my head to get the thought out. she has some scars on her legs, I decide to leave it be till she's calmer around me.


The first, second, and fourth words are supposed to be capitalized. Also, the third bold word needs to be un-capitalized. Next one...

she shivers coldly and I pull her into my chest. she stiffens as I wrap my arms around her but she soon relaxes and goes to sleep, me following soon after.


More capitalization. You have to capitalize the two bold words. :)

the guys awe and she snuggle closer to me.


Okay, so you probably figured it out. The first bold word is meant to be capitalized. Then, the second bold word is supposed to be snuggles. Or snuggled.

she still won't look at me or the other guys.


Capitalization...

"Mon ami, do not embarrass me by saying such things. She is a lady and should be treated as such. So, you will not speak in such a disrespectful way, do you understand me?" "J-jeez Laf it was just a j-joke!" "Maybe, but still, apologize to her." He looks over. "I'm s-sorry Theo, I will watch what I say better!" I nod and drop him, and smile as I fix my jacket. I look at mulligan. "I need you to fix up some pants for her, please." He nods. "No problem I'll model her after breakfast." I nod. "Alright, then let's eat!"We go to the little kitchen and start cooking while Theo waits in bed. this will be an interesting day.


Two hings to say here:

1) Always capitalize a name. I'm talking about Mulligan here.

2) When you are writing a paragraph, just like I said before, make sure that your readers know who is talking. Also, I'd suggest making your dialogues in separate paragraphs.

"Damn Laf, your redder than red coats with blood stains!" I role my eyes.


Okay, so no capitalization stuff here, but what you have to do in the first bold word is that your needs to be you're.

Meaning of your:

Belonging to or associated with the person or people that the speaker is addressing.

Meaning of you're:

(I searched it up, just like I did with your but I guess the world doesn't exactly have one. But anyways...) You're are two different words: You are >> You're.

Laaaast one:

"Well I heard, you got a special someone on the side, sir~"


Again, I saw the squiggly line thing, and I feel like this was meant to be an exclamation mark (!) too. Alright! So that's it for today! Hope my review helped you in one way or the other. (: Also, if I said something that sounded mean or rude, just tell me. I am very sorry if I did. I really liked this story of yours and it was very realistic. I love it! You did pretty well with the description, too, but I suggest adding a teensy bit more. I can't wait to see more from you soon!

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




Blairwood says...


Thank you so much this is a lot! Thanks for putting your time into it!



Liberty says...


Your welcome! And, it wasn't a problem. :D




Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.
— Matthew 12:25