Young Writers Society

I felt like this was one of those poems that tried so hard to be to-the-point and this kind of funny that it just wasn't. Honestly, it was pretty cliche.
Harsh comments aside...I have a question. Why did you write this?
Um...my favorite line:
They never came back again.

So obvious that it sort of made me smile.

Otherwise, nice job?
Overall rating: 6/10

Nice. How long did it take you to come up with that?

Also, I think it would be better if you threw in a romantic love story about one of the worker ants.

Thank you Blackwood!

P.S. Hope you know I'm joking

Best. Poem. Ever. Loved this!

This is a WAY better poem than half the dramatic and cliched poems I see on here.

Once upon a time there were some ants. - very traditional opening, me likey.

Then I killed them all. - this is a very dramatic line and a highlight of the piece.

They never came back again. - here I realise you do not believe in reincarnation, this touches on a philosophical and religious note, very deep.

And I lived happily ever after. - Again, you revert to the traditional style which I love.

The end. - and you clarify the ending for the reader in a very final manner.

Good work. I would like to see more of this style from you in the future.


Ok, so I can totally see why this work received the rating it did, because it is really hard hitting. I really wasn't expecting this level of detail, especially judging from the description. XD

My mind reels with all attempts to try to understand where the sarcasm begins and where it ends. If it's even meant as sarcasm in the first place. The title evokes in the reader an anticipation of a story of fantastic proportions, further perpetrated by its classification as "Fantasy." Oh, and there's a "Health" tag. Wonder how that comes into play?
So with those eager anticipations brimming within me, I opened this piece...
To find, not a short story, but a poem. Or at least, so it appeared at first glance. Further reading left me with a ponderous question: is this still prose? As CowLogic has noted, it reads very poetically, and the piece evokes very vivid imagery with its simplicity. I could immediately remember such adventures and (perhaps) genocidal excursions as a child, all by reading a simple sentence. And the utter destruction conveyed by simply stating that the ants never returned...fascinating. The only recommendation I have for this piece is simply one of style, so read accordingly. Perhaps you should put a comma after the opening "Once upon a time".

However, the piece is amazing, and I congratulate you. Extremely thought-provoking.
~Knight Dragon.

A masterpiece of epic proportions and a brilliant display of understanding the English language. The characterization of the narrator is superb, and although you identify with him, you also feel strongly for the plight of the ants as they are killed by the narrator in (an) off-screen massacre(s). The short, very short, story is precise and almost mimics the meter of poetry, something widely sought after but almost never successfully attained in prose writing.

Sentence fragmentation and other experimental effects that the author throws in liven up a spartan piece with some dissonant intrigue. The short paragraph structure calls into the mind a need to pause, backtrack, figure some things out. To mourn for the ants and cry battle in the face of desertion.

However, rather than end on a dark note that would make the piece unfortunately uniform, the author shocks us with a closing of that of a fairy-tale: "And I lived happily ever after." A tear flickers down this reviewer's cheek as he recalls the emotional baggage this short story imbues on him. It is surely one that he will remember for as long as he lives.

12/10 or 93%

I like how this is rated 18+ for violence and mature content.

bahahaha