Young Writers Society

Hi! Happy review day!

Alrighty then, let's start with your review! This is a perfect poem. So touching and so nice! I love every stanza and the feeling you add to it! I feel so much like the narrator right now. Of course I don't feel like crying, but I feel curious and enhanced by the melancholic singing girl.

"Little do I know of what she sings,
Maybe of soldiers and long lost kings,
Or might be an old song,
Which has been forgotten long."

This stanza is my favorite one, it demonstrates that the song the girl is singing either speaks about the past or the song itself is from the past. The narrator obviously doesn't pay attention to the lyrics, but only to the girl singing and her voice. Since we can't tell the sex of the narrator, we only observe through the words of the poem to try to make it up.

At least from my point of view the narrator is a male who is really captivated by the girl's voice and way of acting, along with her characteristics.

This poems is amazing and charming, I would love to read more from you!

Keep up the good work!

~Marde!

Change here! Review time!

She sat there for quite a long time,
Singing an old melancholic hymn.

Every summer as I visit the barn,
A little damage, her dress would have worn,

A melody, oh so captivating!
Had I never ever heard.
Not even the cuckoo bird,
Had ever sung so.

Singing the melancholy to myself,
Awaiting the next day of summer

Hi there Blackwater! Niteowl here to review for the Green Lanterns this fine Review Day!

Now, you have a strong idea here, filled with sadness and nostalgia. I like the image of a singing girl with a torn dress in a barn.

However, I feel like the rhyming is really killing this. First off, nothing in the first stanza rhymes (maybe corner and loner with an unusual accent, but hymn is pronounced like "him"...not at all like "time". Darn the English language!) Secondly, it feels like you're twisting line lengths and meanings to suit the rhyme, which only hurts the poem. In the future, I'd think about playing with free verse so you can focus on strong words, not just those that rhyme.

Also, there's a punctuation mark at the end of every line. That's not, necessary and it, makes the piece feel, really fragmented, like this. If you're not sure how to punctuate, I suggest writing it in paragraph form and seeing what makes grammatical sense. The rules are looser in poetry than in prose, but I think in many cases sticking to standard punctuation works.

Overall, I do think you have some lovely lines, such as "Little do I know of what she sings," and "Singing the melancholy to myself,". I think a stronger focus on imagery and powerful word choices and abandoning rhyming could only help you improve. Keep writing!

I like this poem it's very serene and has a sing song joy to it. (I don't know what the means though :}) Can he not visit her again in the winter or in the spring or is there something special about summer for them? Or is she his cousin or a person he met visiting relatives once in summer?

Hey, Runawaylove here to review your poem.... Again

First off I really like the idea and the theme. The poem flows perfectly but the rhymings seem a bit forced. Maybe this is because of your rhyming scheme. You could use a different rhyming scheme as rhyming words in every successive lines seem a bit off and the poem becomes cliched. If you try to experiment with your rhyming scheme the whole poem could turn out different.

This poem has a beautiful narrative tone to it and as you have reviewed my poem 'Last Summer' you should have noticed the way I did not rhyme all the lines. It takes away the magic from the words and makes the poem cliched. And when a rhyming scheme is started it should be followed in every stanza of the poem.

In your previous poem you kind of followed the same rhyming scheme but it was fine with that piece as it was not lengthy. On the other hand this poem tells a story and has many stanzas so the same rhyming scheme does not work here.

"A melody, oh so captivating!
Had I never ever heard.
Not even the cuckoo bird,
Had ever sung so."

In this stanza you did not follow the rhyming scheme which makes it seem a little out of place and it is quite distracting as well. Try to avoid this.

"Tears I bore in my eyes,
At the thought of not hearing a voice oh so nice."

These lines do not belong to any stanza so it looks weird. All the stanzas have 4 lines but this one has only 2. I'm not sure if it is a stanza or not.

"Waiting for another year,
Without shedding another tear.
Singing the melancholy to myself,
Awaiting the next day of summer

To bless my heart with songs of her."

This stanza has some amazing words. But the poem starts with a stanza that has four lines. Here the last line seems a little weird. Maybe you could do this. (Just a suggestion )

"Tears I bore in my eyes,
At the thought of not hearing a voice oh so nice."

Add two more lines here to make it a stanza.

"Waiting for another year,
Without shedding another tear.
Awaiting the next day of summer
To bless my heart with songs of her."

You can drop the line "Singing the melancholy to myself," and make this another complete stanza. Nonetheless this line is interrupting the flow. You could use this line in the previous stanza and just add another line.
"Tears I bore in my eyes,
At the thought of not hearing a voice oh so nice.
Singing the melancholy to myself"

All these are just suggestions. The poem has some very beautiful words and is complete in its own way.

"Every summer as I visit the barn,
A little damage, her dress would have worn,
But her eyes held its beauty,
As if it were its sacred duty."

You have done a great job in this stanza. Specially the last two lines are amazing.

I sincerely hope this was helpful. You have a gift of writing poems that are striking and different. Only if you experiment with rhyming schemes your poems will be amazing. Keep writing! I'd love to read more of your works.

Hello Blackwater Hightop here to review ,

First of all, music is an interesting and fun topic to explore, and one of the best parts of a poem about music is the adjectives, such as hypnotic, enchanting, beckoning. These are so adjectives that I think would work well in your poem.

By now you're probably thinking "These words won't fit because of my rhyming scheme.". Which brings me to my next point, rhyming. Your poem sounded a bit forced, and your vocabulary was very limited because you chose to use a rhyming scheme. Free verse poetry is an easier option, and can be just as nice.

Now let me just say I thought your poem was exquisite. Very nice poem. Keep it up

Signing off,
Hightop

Helloooooooo its Joooooooooooe

Great poem lovely in fact. I really like this part

"Waiting for another year,
Without shedding another tear.
Singing the melancholy to myself,
Awaiting the next day of summer

To bless my heart with songs of her."


Anyway brilliant poem.

If I had to point out something wrong it would be


"Halting in a corner,

She was none but a loner,
She sat there for quite a long time,
Singing an old melancholic hymn."

I don't know why but I just don't like it very well.

Awesome poem all in all I just didn't like that one part.