Young Writers Society

I like the line 'Denying to stick with the status quo'. It should probably, be 'stick to'. But really liked the line.

I loved the ethos of the poem. The last but one line really sums up the ignorance of people.

May be the commas at the end of each lines should done away with. The word 'It' sounds repetitive in the lines -

It was said to resemble death and hence,
It was ripped from the ground,

Hence, the second 'It' may be omitted.

Well done.

Hiya :3

I love the subject of this poem The Black Rose
I cannot decide which line is my favorite
The cheerful nature and all that might or Denying to stick with the status quo
Both appeal to me for different reasons
I for one feel the punctuation should in fact be lessened in this poem
I'd love to see it in its natural state
Roses are not restricted by the ties that bind us humans they are wild and free
I feel as if this rose was a protector of some sorts and that makes me happy
I envy you being able to write in such a way

Great poem and I will be looking for more of your poems!

JC

Hey, HT here to review.

Now, I'm afraid that I don't quite understand the meaning of your second line.

The cheerful nature and all that might,

It stood in peril's way

It stood alone in peril's

Everyone shunned it to silence,

Hey, Runawaylove here to review your poem!
First off, I like your username and I also really liked the movie Black Water. Now this poem is lovely and hats off to your vocabulary. This poem is short and I would like it more if it were a little longer.

"Glinted away, the sunlight's rays"

It would be better if you included how it glinted away the sun's rays and how everyone shunned it. A description of the rose's appearance would make the poem easier to connect with. And throughout the poem you have referred to 'they'. Who are this 'they'?

Now I will point out some mistakes. The poem flows properly and the rhyme scheme is good as well but in some places the punctuation is disrupting the flow.

"Glinted away, the sunlight's rays"

The comma after glinted away interrupts the flow. And also how can the sunlight have rays? Sunlight is a ray itself so it should be the sun's rays.

I punctuation is not really correct.

"Amidst the light,

The cheerful nature and all that might,
Quietly, sat the black rose.
Denying to stick with the status quo,
It stood in peril's way.
Glinted away the sunlight's rays
Everyone shunned it to silence.
It was said to resemble death and hence
It was ripped from the ground,
To where it was bound.
Fell, the rose to the depths,
It belonged there, said they,
Little did they know, it once stood in peril's way

Which now flowed free with endless bay."

Now my favourite lines are:

"The cheerful nature and all that might,
Quietly, sat the black rose,
Denying to stick with the status quo,"

These lines show the rebellious and I-don't-care-about-the-society type of atiitude. I really love that. While reading this poem I could not help myself from picturing a woman or maybe a girl child who is thought to be a bad omen as the black rose. I really love this.

The whole poem should be more like this. Overall, this is unique. I like the thought behind it and the theme. And my avatar is a black rose. The title is what attracted me to the poem. You can word on your punctuation a little. Other than that your poem was fabulous. Keep writing!