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Young Writers Society



The New Dynasty Chapter 1

by Black_Panther


~*Chapter 1*~

You know how it goes ‘I have good news and bad news’ well out here its ‘I get rewards or I get consequences.’ One word that’s all it takes so then you can understand me.

Motherhood.

Now your think ‘Oh, the babies are so cute and oh it’s fun to be a mother of three.’ Wake up cats! It’s not fun, at all. Like what I said earlier, rewards and consequences, that’s all there is out here in the desert.

Like usual let’s start off with the consequences aka the bad news. Number one, the pain! Oh my god, it feels as if the contractions will never stop. Number two, newborns just don’t like to shut up, do they? It’s like they do it on purpose just to make you mad. Number three, the mates just love to watch and laugh at you when you are in so much pain.

However from all that you get one major reward, a new family. Just to think that these three beautiful cubs are mine brings a new feeling into my heart that I cannot describe. My two beautiful boys and my brave little girl, along with my mate is all I need in the world to live.

“Ouch Zoran, sheath the claws please, your digging into my back little one,” I gently reach over and lift him off of my back and then nestle him in between his brother and sister.

Ah, Zoran my first born and the biggest of all my cubs. He will become a very strong Ckematal or fighter, when he grows up. His dark fluffy coat will smooth out to a sleek red-brown pelt.

“Aiieee!”

I gasp from the unexpected shrike.

“Shh, my son. You’ll wake you sister,” I murmured. I chuckle and tenderly move him closer to my well plumped belly.

Heh heh, Meko, aka my little momma’s boy. To me, there is nothing wrong with that. I imagine him growing up to be a Karrow or cat that has a specialty with herbs to heal sick or wound cats. I smooth his feathery gray fur as I think about his hopeful future.

I opened my eyes as I realize that I had fallen asleep from thinking about my son’s potentials.

I crane my neck to see over my large belly and look at my cubs. They are beautiful, all thre-.

Panic scorches through my body as I become aware that one of my cubs is missing.

“Shalou, Shalou?! Where are y-”

“Don’t stress yourself there mother,”

The sound of my mate’s voice calms me as I turn to see Shalou in his mouth.

“I found her wondering about outside the den,” he lets out a few muffled purrs as he sets Shalou down in between her brothers.

“Thank you, I only dozed for a few seconds and when I woke she was gone,” I gently lean over and lick the dust from Shalou’s coat.

“They do seem a bit restless, hmmm, I know, why don’t you tell them a story?”

“That’s ridicules, they can’t even understand what I’m saying,” I look up from cleaning my other cubs and give him, that’s- an- ingenious- idea face.

“Come on, they might not understand you but maybe just hearing your voice might calm them down enough just to make all of you rest,” I gave him a puzzled look as he walked around me and our cubs then sat down next to me.

“Ugh, fine even though I’m terrible at telling stories, I’ll think of something,” hmmm, what to tell, what to tell… How the kingdom came about… no. What happened to Qween Rycama… no. The Lion Pride… definitely not, they are way too young to hear that kind of legend. Hmmm, wait! I know.

“Alright I’ve got one. It’s a story about two young cubs found out who they are. Ok here it goes. Once upon a time, in a land far far from here lived a mother with her five cubs and her mate. The mother, Shola, was a peasant in the land, and for that she is very rude. No not rude, hostile for she thrives on hurting others and getting exactly what she wants. Every day she would beat on her own cubs without any regret. She always would say that they were the cause of her misfortune in riches. Every time Shola would beat the cubs, Cameal, her mate, would painfully sit and watch his cubs screech in pain but he would never stand up to Shola even if he was her mate. Even Cameal would get mauled by Shola’s rage. However one day Shola’s rage was worse than ever before…

“You worthless… hand-me-down… sore excuse… for a cat! I told you to go hunting and yet you bring back nothing!” Shola would hit Cameal with every word.

“I-I’m sorry there wasn’t any gazelles out in the fields today,” Cameal shrank back trying to escape the enraged female.

“Seeing dad submit to mother so quickly makes me even more scared of her,” I turn to find my older brother Zeke, shaking. Wow I have never seen him so scared; usually he stays so strong for all of us. His Dusty gray blood-clotted coat pressed against mine. I lean back to reassure him.

“Yeah it’s not our fault that we are so poor, is it?” I feel my little sister Acacia shrink back behind me.

“Of course it’s not our fault! We did nothing to make mother so poor, don’t ever think like that Acacia,” I slide my tail across her shoulder’s. Acacia is always like this, she always worries about everything but I still worry for her. Her light tan coat, well now dark brown from the blood and dust, is trembling from the sight of our parents.

“But how do you know, Keria?”

“Keto, trust me, I just know,” I face my younger brother who is hiding behind Diego, the twins are both muddy and bloody just like the rest of us.

I look down at my own coat. Mine is so different than everyone else’s. Everyone’s is either gray, tan, or brown, but mine, mine is white. Well actually supposed to be white. Right now it’s more of a light gray. I have asked several times to mother about why my coat is so unusual, but mother usual just rakes her claws across my face for asking such a stupid question.

Mother’s deafening roar awakes me from my thoughts.

“I should’ve gotten a better mate, one that can actually hunt! I’m going to the mountains to see if I can bribe some cats for some food, since my mate is ineligible to hunt!” I watch as Shola storms off toward the Mountains of Seraba.

I turn back to Cameal, who is licking the new gashes on his side.

“It’s ok now, kids. You can come out now, she’s gone.”

I dash over to where father is and start helping him clean his coat.

“Kids I have a surprise for you,” Cameal smiles and strides for the nearest bush. He comes back with a freshly killed baboon.

“Daddy I thought you said that you didn’t get any food!?” Zeke purred happily as he stared down at the carcass, his mouth watering.

“I told your mother that I didn’t catch anything for her, she didn’t ask about you guys,” Cameal grins with satisfaction. “Come now eat up, you guys haven’t eaten for days.”

I rip open the still warm body; thick blood floods into my mouth and carefully slides down my throat. I tremble as I swallow my first actual piece of food in months.

We all eat our fill then dad eats his.

After all of us has eaten, Cameal takes what’s left of the carcass and places it somewhere in a near by tree.

“Acacia you hardly ate, are you ok?” Father asked my sister. I also watched Acacia, she only ate about five mouth full’s. That is definitely not like her.

“I’m fine daddy. I just wasn’t that hungry today, that’s all,” Acacia smiles trying to convince us that she was really okay. Like usual it doesn’t work.

“Acacia we haven’t eaten in days you should be starving by now. I can go and get the carcass and let you eat some more if you want me to,” father eyes Acacia.

“No its fine, I’ll be okay,” Acacia gets up and walks over to where father stands and rubs her cheeks across his leg, while she purrs with affection.

Acacia has been acting different than her usual self. Usually when father brings home a carcass she is always the first one to it, however today she was the last one.

Wait, what’s that on her back?

I focus my eyes, and see a long slash mark that begins from the edge of her neck and ends at the base of her tail. Oh my god, I mean we all have bad slashes like that but her now her’s was deep, very deep.

“Come here kids, I’ll give you your bathes now,” Cameal lies down and gently grabs Diego’s scruff and places him in between his paws.

We always get in order for our bath youngest to oldest. With me being second to last, with Zeke behind me and Acacia in front of me, I patiently wait my turn.

My eyes wander again, however they soon stop. Then I realized that my eyes had stopped on Acacia’s slash mark.

I have to know.

“Uh Acacia?” I say timidly.

“Yeah Keria?” Acacia turns and faces me with warm greeting eyes.

“Uh that slash mark on your back, does it hurt you?” I ask trying to choose my words carefully.

The warmth in Acacia’s eyes leaves and brings a dark shadow over them. “What do you care Keria? I’m fine just leave me alone,” Acacia turns back around. Her tail twitching in annoyance and anger stirs up the dust making me sneeze.

I rub my nose from the tickle that the sneeze had left behind it. I do care Acacia, and I’m not leaving you alone till I figure out what happened to you.

“Acacia I’m just worried about you, now please tell me what happened and I’ll help you as much as I possibly can,” I beg almost surprised at myself that the strong Keria has left, and in her place is caring and worried Keria. I personally haven’t seen this side of myself in a long time.

Acacia turns back around, this time her eyes show much pain and fear, but hatred covers both feelings. “Keria I said drop it, I’m fine,” her voice was cold but yet I still won’t budge.

“Acacia, tell me!”

“Fine do you want to know?! It was that devil-witch that we call our mother! The last time that she beat on us, she told me that she had to get rid of one to get rid of another. I didn’t know what it meant at first, but now when I look at you I understand everything,” her eyes grew narrow then she stood up and walked over to father for her bath.

*Sigh* oh god, what happened to her…

“Keria, are you okay?”

I gasp and jump at the sound of Zeke’s worried voice behind me.

“Yeah Zeke I’m fine just, it’s just that I try to protect everyone but the only one I am actually protecting is myself…”

“Keria don’t think like that you are very strong and without you I don’t think that I could handle everyone. But, but what’s wrong with Acacia?” he asked.

“She has a long slash mark that’s very deep and I’m worried about her but she won’t listen to me nor tell me what happened to her. All she said is that mother talked to her saying that she has to get rid of one to get rid of another. Acacia said that when she looked at me she figured out what mother meant by that. Oh Zeke I’m so confused!” I lean against my older brother for his support.

Zeke’s tail wraps around my shoulder’s comforting me. “Keria everything’s going to be just fine, Acacia is just hurt and she needs time to heal first. Then she will come back to you as your little sister and you will protect everyone here,” Zeke smiles and purrs.

“But Zeke you’re the oldest so shouldn’t you be the one who should protect us? Ha ha,” I smile at him. I am so grateful for my older brother, without him I would be nothing.

“Yeah but your better at it, ha ha ha,” Zeke purrs his warm tone of his voice that I love.

“Keria it’s your turn to get your bath now,” I look up to see Cameal looking at me with tender welcoming eyes.

I trot over to father and get my well needed bath. The rhythmic strokes sooth me and makes all my mussels relax for once.

After we all have had our evening baths, daddy usually teaches us how to hunt just in case that if one day we actually leave our supposed to be death graves, we already know how to hunt so then we could go out and live our lives.

“Yes just like that Keria, keep your tail st-… Shola is back. Everyone back inside the den now! Hurry!” Father whispers.

Zeke and I make sure that everyone gets into our little den safely. Then I go inside followed by Zeke.

Inside the den everyone shakes and cowers to the ground. Keto and Diego lay next to each other for comfort and hopefully protection. Zeke lays next to Acacia licking her hurts back, in doing so soothing her.

Well I’m glad that Acacia is happy, but she won’t be in a few moments when mother comes.

“Cameal! Come here you stupid piece of dung!” roared Shola as she stormed into the small clearing.

Mother looks especially mad tonight, greaaat extra pain, just what I was looking forward to.

I watched as Shola stalks over to Cameal and races her claws over the side of father’s face.

“Now where are my cubs so that they may greet their mother?” Shola turns her head toward the brush where we all are seeking refuge from our mother.

Shola stares into the bush, her eyes come to a stop to where her eyes are perfectly staring into mine. She grins and shows all her teeth. I just sit there looking at her. She looks exactly like a demon, that’s just because she is one.

“Come out my sweet cubs so I can look at you,” her voice was hard and sinister; there was no warmth or love in her tone.

Well here comes the pain, I wish that she would just disappear and never come back.

We all slowly crawled out of our hiding place to face the wicked cat.

“Hello my beautiful cubs, now come here so that I can feel you up closer,” there’s that grin again, the same one every time she is about to beat on us; the grin shows hunger for blood and pain.

She grabs Zeke first and rips open his old cut from last night and gives him new ones. He squeals in pain, only for mother to drive in harder to feed her hunger.

I sit there closing my eyes; I can’t take the sight of my older brother Zeke turning from strong older brother to tiny kit trying to get away from his ruthless mother.

I sit there waiting my turn, which is always last. I’m guessing that is because of my coat color.

Zeke gets new slashes and old ones reopened, Diego gets a bloody forehead and flank, Keto lost more back fur and gained new scars, and Acacia’s slash is reopened and deepened.

The smell of blood and fear lingers over the clearing where we are tortured twenty-four seven.

I feel Shola’s blood-thirsty eyes land on me. I open my eyes to find Shola’s staring into mine. I sit there frozen just staring up into her eyes; I see fire and feel the hunger for more pain and blood flowing off of her like a landslide.

I sigh and close my eyes once again preparing myself for the unbearable pain to come.

There was a slight pause, a pause that I have grown to hate. A pause that you know that in any moment pain is going to come. A pause always feels like an eternity is passing until it finally comes.

Her claws rip down my shoulder blade and rakes all the way down my back and sides. Blood gushes down my body like a river dam has just shattered into a million pieces and the river itself flows over and down. I attempt to open my eyes only for blood to seep in blurring my vision, but through all the blood I can still see that grin.

Happy for her work she grabs me and throws me towards a large rock.

The impact to the rock was not as bad as mother’s claws but still hard enough to make me dazed.

My eyes closed, for there is no point of opening them because of the blood that will just leak in.

The last I hear is her horrible laugh and her footsteps going in the other direction towards her den, where she plots her next beatings.

It feels only a few moments longer I wake up to a voice.

“Keria! Keria, please wake up! Keria!” Zeke’s fright filled voice rings over my head. I can feel his tongue stroke my back slashes and feel his heart beating in his chest.

“Uh Zeke?” I say attempting to open my eyes. Dried blood soaked in my fur and around my eyes making it hard to open them.

I hear Zeke sigh with relief, “Keria we thought that you were well you know, we thought-“

“I know Zeke, I know,” I finally get my eyes open. Blinking a few times to get the dry blood crust off of around my eyes, so that it would be more comfortable to open and close them.

I stop blinking and look around at my blood soaked family. Zeke’s slash marks have finally stopped bleeding and have just started to scab. Keto’s fur is all disoriented from the sections of fur that were missing along with a few slash marks. Diego’s head is scabbed along with his bloody flank. Father’s face is scabbed from the three slashes. Acacia is nowhere to be found.

She is probably inside the den asleep like we all should. The sky was turning a dark purple as the sun slowly casted its last rays across the clearing.

“Keria can you walk?” this time it was father who asked.

“Yeah I think I can, with some help maybe,” I try to stand up, straining all my mussels, but manage to stand awkwardly. Zeke quickly comes to my side and helps me walk to the den.

After we all settle down into the little space that the bush provides us, father licks us each on the forehead good night, and then he leaves toward his den.

I was right about Acacia, when we walked in here she was already asleep in the corner of the bush. Her slash mark looked worse than it was earlier. I’m worried about her, I’ll tell father about it in the morning, even if it means that she is going to hate me for life.

Oh well, also I wonder why every time I get beaten that mine are always worse than everyone else’s. Maybe it is because of my coat color, or maybe not. I don’t know, I think about it in the morning.

I sigh and snuggle up next to Zeke, and close my eyes, even though it was hard to. Because every time I closed my eyes all I saw was the burning fire that kept Shola going. I shiver at the memory of it.

I felt Zeke’s tail lay across my back. “Are you okay?” he whispered.

“Yeah I’ll be fine, I’m just worried for Acacia, that’s all,” his tail soothed my wandering thoughts.

“Okay I was just making sure, cause I don’t know what I would do without my little sister beside me,” he purred his warm rhythmic tone again like earlier today.

Slowly my eyes closed and I drifted off into the dark depts of my dreams… more like nightmares.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The bright morning rays of sun light awaken me as the sun rose higher for the starting of a new day.

I stand up and stretch my straining mussels. Today I felt horrible; first I woke with a headache from my head hitting the rock from yesterday. Then all my wounds still stung and blood still trickled from my gashes.

I look around the den, all my siblings were still asleep, which means I have to go out in the clearing and look if it is safe to go out.

The calling of many birds interrupt my thoughts as I sit in the warm rays of sun light in the little clearing.

I look up to see thousands of birds flying toward the Mountains of Searaba.

Wait a second! Today is the start of the Great Migration! Mother always goes to watch, which means she is not going to be here this morning; which also means no early morning beatings!

I race back into the bush; I can’t wait to tell everyone!

“Guys, guys! Wake up; wake up, today is the start of the Great Migration!” I yell to everyone.

“Huh? Uh, Keria go back to sleep who cares about the Great Migration anyways,” Zeke’s drowsy voice comes from underneath Diego. Keto opens his eyes and Yawns.

“Don’t you know what that means though?” I pressed; I can’t believe that they don’t even realize that mother is gone for the whole morning yet!

Zeke sighs, “Keria if you have something to say then just say it!” Zeke snapped.

“Fine Mr. Grumpy Paws, I will. It means that mother is not going to be here for the whole morning! So we get no morning beatings!” I squeak with excitement.

Zeke jumps up, knocking Diego over. Keto stands up and jumps with joyfulness. Shocked, Diego’s eyes are wide but his tail is flipping with glee.

We all purr and rub cheeks together.

I soon realize that one of my siblings was still asleep.

I sigh. Acacia, she hates me at the moment but maybe when she learns that mother is not going to be here this morning maybe she’ll love me again.

“Ha ha, Acacia wake up; this is a start of a great day!” I purred loud enough for her to hear me. But she didn’t move.

“Acacia? Come on and join us,” I pressed. Again no movement, not even a twitch of the tail.

Worried, I lean down close to her. “Acacia, I know that right now you don’t really want to hear my voice or even want to see me, but please come and join us, please.” I whispered. But still no movement.

“Acacia?” I lay my paw on her side, shocked I take my paw back.

She’s so cold, and there is no rise and fall of her chest.

“Daddy!” I scream as loud as I possibly could, as I bolted out of the bush.

“Keria! Keria, what’s wrong?” father jumps out of the bush of where he sleeps.

“It’s Acacia, she won’t wake up,” my body starts to shake. Daddy will wake Acacia up and she will come out and play with all of us.

However father doesn’t move.

What are you waiting on daddy?! Acacia is scaring us you must go now! I wanted to scream that but I decided to keep my mouth shut.

Father sighs and his head lowers. He mumbles a few words that I didn’t catch, and then he turns and heads for our sleeping bush.

I stand there for a few moments, and then I run to catch up with father.

“Father, why does Acacia not wake up?” I asked. But daddy didn’t say a word, he just kept trudging on.

We both enter the den, three worried pairs of eyes fall on us.

Silently, father spots the light brown mangy fur of Acacia. He reaches over Keto and grabs Acacia’s scruff. Then he just turns and walks out the den.

“Daddy…” he flashes me a do-not-follow-me face and proceeds on.

I sit down and watch as the bush that father went through with Acacia in his mouth, swallows both of them.

Emotions’ building inside of me the longer it takes for them to return.

After it seems like an eternity, the bush quivers and father solemnly walks out alone without Acacia and trudged into the middle of the clearing and sits down.

Silence embraces every one of us, with her cold claws prickling at our coats, and the sense of loneliness that hovers above.

I left my head, my vision blurry from new tears forming in my eyes. I try to control my body as it starts to shake, and try to stand tall for my siblings, but it hurts too much.

I turn towards my father, “She’s dead, isn’t she?” I manage to muffle out.

Cameal lowers his head even more and he shivers as if a cold wind just blew upon them, which it technically had. “Yes Keria, she is,” Cameal whispered.

Rage ignites deep down inside of me, climbing its way through the thick strand of my serenity, until there is only one thread left. The thread snaps, and so do I.

“I knew it! I knew that this would happen, yet I did nothing about it! All I did was just sit here and watch my sister die when I knew that she was hurt. I could’ve at least tried to find some type of herb around here to help her, but no! I didn’t I just sat here and watched her die. I did nothing to help her…” as the rage subsides, deep and lonely sadness takes its place.

My eyes focus once again and I see four concerned faces all turned toward me.

“Keria it wasn’t your fault,” father says, trying to calm me down… yeah too bad it never works.

“Of course it’s not! It’s that devil-witch that we call our mother! If she would have at least just gone easy on us or could’ve just stopped all together, Acacia might still be alive!” tears start streaming down the sides of my face.

Cameal opens his mouth to say something but then closes it, and pricks up his ears.

“Shola’s back, go inside of your bush, I’ll tell her what happened.”

“No, let her come, I’m tired of hiding, tired of always being scared to come outside of the bush. She can kill me for all I care, it’s better than living this horrible life,” I stare hard at my father and stiffly sit down in the center of the clearing.

“But Keria-”

“Cubs, oh my sweet cubs, come out and greet your mother,” the icy sound of Shola’s voice on the other side of the brush, rip apart Cameal’s words.

I turn around to see my brothers flee back into the only somewhat safe place there is in the clearing.

I am not going to be afraid any longer of that terrible witch. I am through with everything about her, everything changes now.

I look up to see Shola staring down on me with her death grin and the burning fire that glows in her blood red eyes.

“Well I see that you have missed your mother and is eager to see me,” she smiles awkwardly. Hardly.

“Where are your brothers and sister?” Oh don’t play sweetly with me.

My eyes narrow into slits, and spit out the words, “In the bush.”

“Well, watch your temper, young lady,” she smiles and looks toward the ‘safety bush’.

Young lady, wow that one’s new. I need to save that one.

“Oh kids come on out and let me take a look at you,” Shola sits down and waits patiently for my brothers to crawl out of the bush.

My brothers look down to the ground, I guess praying that the beating won’t be as bad as it was yesterday’s. But to me, I think that she is going to be shocked when she hears about Acacia’s death. Ha ha not.

“Uh Cameal, one’s missing. Where’s the other little girl?” Shola’s voice becomes more distant and the fire starts blazing in her eyes. But not blazing by fear for her daughter, I think it’s actually more of accomplishment.

Mother, you need to stop pretending that you actually cared for her cause the only reason that you’re angry is because now you have one less defenseless cub to beat upon.

“Um yeah, uh, Acacia… died early this morning,” Cameal’s voice trembled along with his whole body.

“What!? Which one of you killed her?” Shola’s head whipped back around to my brothers and I. Her eyes staring directly into mine embracing me with an invisible cable.

My eyes narrowed into slits again, but said nothing… at least not yet.

“Well?! Which one of you pieces of carrion killed my daughter?!” ok that did it.

“You! You killed her! You kept clawing her too hard and too much! It’s just a surprise that we all are still alive from how bad that you beat on us daily.” This madness ends now.

“He-”

“Don’t even say that you loved her, because everyone knows that you don’t love anyone but yourself. You never did care about any of us, and you never will. So why don’t you do us all a big favor and just leave us, since that you keep saying that we are the reason for your misfortune anyways.”

Traumatized, Shola steps back. After getting her voice and thoughts back in order, Shola stands up straight and bares her teeth.

“Come here,” her voice was icy and almost deadly.

“No! I’m sick of this. I’m sick of getting beat on every day. I’m sick of always being afraid. But most importantly, I’m sick of you,” I stand up trying to make myself at least look a little bit bigger.

“Hush you little rat!”

“Make me,” I say calmly. I sit back down and just stare up into mother’s eyes. The fire was now bright with hatred, her coat was fluffed out, mouth was frothing, and claws were out.

Maybe this isn’t going to end so well after all. Oh well its better than living this terrible life.

The memory of Zeke and I talking before we got our baths came back into my mind.

No, my brothers need me, so I got to get out of this any way possible.

Shola raises her paw, claws out, “Why you little-”

“Why do we even need to bother to patrol this area? I mean what are the chances of us actually come across a different coat?”

We all stand still as if that one voice had frozen everyone in our place.

“Ugh, Temaek you are new the Ckematals, aren’t you?” another male’s voice replied.

“It shows that bad, huh?” Temaek answered.

“Just a little, here I’ll give you a helping hint, wherever Biak tells you to go patrol, you go through the whole area, unless you want your head taken off. It’s just that simple.” the other cheetah stated.

“But Jaezou, what do we do when we find a different coat?” Temaek asked cursorily.

“We give the cat who ever turned in a different coat, a lifelong supply of food, water, and plenty of territory. But for the different coat, a one way ticket to the clouds. We slaughter them so that King Sumon will continue his reign.”

My eyes wide with fear, stare blankly into the bundle of trees and brush.

Slaughter!? Are they really that insane? I mean all of us here aren’t different coa-.

My head whips down to my chest, which is still blood-clotted and dust filled.

Crap… so I am a different coat.

My eyes shoot up to my mother, who is now wearing her death grin again and her eyes greedily scan over my coat.

Shola whips around and races off into the trees and brush from where the two voices came from.

I hardly take notice of Cameal when he jumps to my side. My body starts to shut down and shake uncontrollably.

Come on, I’m not going to die. I’ll get out of this somehow, some way.

“Keria! You need to get out of here, now!” Cameal’s urgent yells burst through my clotted thoughts.

“Bu-but where do I go, daddy?” I ask, desperately hoping that he will come with me.

“Anywhere but here!”

Finally I got control over my body again. I turn around heading for the brush.

“There she is!”

Crap. That voice. That one voice that I did not want to hear, especially at a time like this one.

I turn back around to face the devil-witch once more, but this time she wasn’t alone.

Two huge Ckematals, or cats who protect the King, stare bleakly down on me.

“Wow, Jaezou I thought you said that there were only black coats, no one ever said anything about a white coat,” the lighter coat said shocked.

“Even I have never even heard or seen such a coat before,” the dark coat replied.

So I am different, more different than anyone had ever thought.

“So what do we do with it?” asked the lighter coat.

“Kill it like the others,” he whispered back.

“Okay ma’am, after we take care of this different coat you will never go hungry again,” the dark brown coat said to Shola.

Again I lose control over my body. I shrink down as low as I possibly can to the ground, awaiting my fate.

Okay Keria, look at your possible exits, if you do manage to see a break in their formation.

My eyes desperately search the small clearing for any kind of exit route. I seek out two over lapping trees on the ground that has a small gap big enough for a cub to slip through.

“Please Shola, don’t do this. We already lost one daughter we can’t lose another,” Cameal crosses in front of Shola with pleading eyes.

“Oh please, you didn’t actually believe me did you? Keria was absolutely right about me. I did kill Acacia so that I could get Keria to speak in doing so, getting rid of her! Also you don’t really care for it do you? I mean it’s a worthless cub there is nothing special about it.” There’s that death grin once again.

She did kill Acacia! Also it! She called me an it?! I am a living breathing cat and she calls me something like I’m some sort of rock?!

“Don’t worry it won’t feel a thing,” the lighter coat told my parents.

Again what is with the its?!

Both Ckematals turn their attention back on me.

As they drew nearer, their claws slipped out of their paws. Their claws were sharp, not like sharp as usual but like sharp sharp that they actually sharpen their claws to kill. All their claws were about four to five inches long too, which made it worse for me, yay.

They both go down on their haunches ready to spring. The Ckematals launch. I close my eyes thinking of how I was about to go and join my sister up in the clouds.

“Nooo!!” Cameal screams.

I open my eyes seeing my dad land right in front of me.

“Move, carrion!” the dark coat yelled at Cameal.

“Why don’t you make me?” he says in a solid no emotion voice that almost kind of scared me as well.

“Don’t mind if we do,” they both grin stepping closer to father.

“Keria, run,” my father whispers to me.

I didn’t quite catch what he said at that moment, I was too focused on the drool dripping down the side of the Ckematals mouths.

“Keria!” he yells again.

“Bu-”

“Keria don’t argue! Now just run!” he roars as the two Ckematals land on him.

The three of them roll around on the ground, dust flies in the air making it hard for the adults to see.

Through the dust I still saw the burning blaze in Shola’s eyes. That image will forever and always will be burned in my mind.

Now’s my chance. I dash towards the gap in the brush.

“It’s getting away!” one of the Ckematals yell as I reached the hole.

I squeeze through the small opening. Once I get through I run as fast as I could.

Legs burning, ears hot, mouth dry, but I force myself to keep going faster.

As I run blindly through the unknown forest, I hear my father’s last and final dying screams fading as I gain distance in between the two of us.

Hot tears form in my eyes screwing up my vision; soon they slowly start rolling down my face.

I’m sorry, daddy. I will avenge you one day, I promise.


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Points: 1079
Reviews: 2

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Sun Dec 27, 2009 11:42 pm
Black_Panther says...



Thanks yeah my grammar and my speeling are the things that get me most. Ill fix all those mistakes that you pointed out:) I have been working on this story for a few months and now im almost done wit chapter two. There are going to be two points of views most of the time. Keria's and in the next chapter a new character. The characters in the first chapter I will try to explain them more or give them more excitement or well I think you know what I mean:) i will keep you posted for when I post chapter two of this story. Also did you happened to read the prolouge of this story? Just wondering. well thank you for your review I will look over my story again and fix those errors.

~Panther




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35 Reviews


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Reviews: 35

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Sat Dec 26, 2009 10:09 pm
Kakali wrote a review...



I gasp from the unexpected shrike.

I don't know what a shrike is! Shriek maybe?



Heh heh, Meko, aka my little momma’s boy.


Thats the second time you used "aka", just drop the "aka" in this sentence, and it will be fine.
I smooth his feathery gray fur as I think about his hopeful future.

This description reminds me of Jayfeather from the Warriors series.

I opened my eyes as I realize that I had fallen asleep from thinking about my son’s potentials.

A little random, give us a hint that she fell asleep before you put this in.

I crane my neck to see over my large belly and look at my cubs. They are beautiful, all thre-.


Finish three. Act as if you were going to say "All three of them."

“Thank you, I only dozed for a few seconds and when I woke she was gone,” I gently lean over and lick the dust from Shalou’s coat.

Woke up makes more sense.

“They do seem a bit restless, hmmm, I know, why don’t you tell them a story?”

Run-on sentence.

“Yeah it’s not our fault that we are so poor, is it?” I feel my little sister Acacia shrink back behind me.

Explain how cats are poor?

I look down at my own coat. Mine is so different than everyone else’s. Everyone’s is either gray, tan, or brown, but mine, mine is white. Well actually supposed to be white. Right now it’s more of a light gray. I have asked several times to mother about why my coat is so unusual, but mother usual just rakes her claws across my face for asking such a stupid question.

Who's point of view are you doing?!?! Be careful.

“Daddy I thought you said that you didn’t get any food!?” Zeke purred happily as he stared down at the carcass, his mouth watering.

You sure use alot of contractions, try whole words some times.

We all eat our fill then dad eats his.

With big cats, its usually the other way around.

“I’m fine daddy. I just wasn’t that hungry today, that’s all,” Acacia smiles trying to convince us that she was really okay.

You are opening up a lot of sentences with names. Try using participles, ex:
Trying to convince us that she was really okay, Acacia smiles.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Great story! Lol, sorry I am lazy so I left the rest for someone else to edit. You got me hooked, just a few things.

Grammar- Your grammar could use some work. Your sentences need a bit of detail, and we don't have any sense of setting. I can assume in Africa or some place like that, but I can never be sure.

Spelling- Just a few mistakes here and there, make sure to use your spell check!

Charaters- A little boring. Even in first person, you need to add some more thought to the character. Spice things up with emotions and hard or not-so-hard feelings. I love the description of them, though! And the names are really well-thought up!

Keep me updated, ask me anytime for another review. :D





You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote