As he walks away, Zuni hears Sumon grumbling to Layla about ticks and his coat.
“Kachi, Kachi where are you? Jamiel is here and he brings great news,” Zuni rounds a corner and noticed his friend in the far back crooks of the small dark cave.
“Kachi, there you are, Jamiel is here and he says that we can go back up into the light again.” Zuni purrs happily as he saunters over to his shaking friend.
Zuni greets his friend by touching noises, but Kachi makes no attempt to move. Zuni sighs “Look there were no lions it was just Jamiel coming down the trail.”
Kachi takes a gulp and mutters “That’s not what I’m afraid of,” the trembling cheetah stares past Zuni’s head and into the dimness of the shadows.
Zuni follows Kachi’s eyes toward the dark empty space. At first Zuni was confused for he did not know what he was looking for. But then something stirs in the gloomy darkness, and then as bright as day two blood red eyes appeared and were set straight on the two males.
“But sire will you please listen, this is very important,” Jamiel growls.
“Jamiel, what could possibly be more important than me?” Sumon raised his paw and gently licked the top showing off his conduct.
“Try the outside world where cats are actually free,” Layla growled as she was finishing Sumon’s grooming.
“Shut it, you pathetic piece of fur. I could have left you out there in the smoldering heat when you were just a cub!” Sumon snarled.
“I wish you had. I could’ve been a free cat but no. Some stranger just has to come and pick up poor helpless cubs off the side of the watering hole.” Layla, who was now baring her sharp pointed teeth, stood up and pushed her face into Sumon’s.
As Layla and Sumon were arguing Jamiel focuses on the small opening which Zuni had entered to look for Kachi.
“I wonder what’s taking hi-”
Jamiel’s words were cut off by an ear-splitting roar that shook the rock where the four cats were standing frozen in their tracks. Everyone turns their attention on the direction at which the daunting roar had come. Jamiel’s mind was commanding his legs to run, but they persisted the urge.
Zuni and Kachi dash out of the cave and rush up the dark trail. “Run!” was all Zuni was managed to say before the menacing sound came again.
Sumon races after the two fleeting males with Layla close behind.
Jamiel finally gets control over his legs and makes a sprint for the exit. He was right on Layla’s tail as the six of them try to escape whatever was chasing them.
Jamiel’s heart felt that it was going to jump right out of his chest. He could hear the large beast panting along with its paw steps that seem to shake the hard rock.
Slowly, pebbles and dust would fall from the ceiling but then the sound of crashing rocks brought to Jamiel’s attention that the tunnels were collapsing.
“Sumon, Layla, the roof, its caving-in you need to run faster!” Darren yelled from behind Jamiel.
More rocks came down, the panting and footsteps seem to becoming louder, the more Jamiel wanted to use his full speed to escape.
There! In the mitts of it all Jamiel saw the exit from what could be their grave.
Jamiel digs in and sprints with all the strength that he had left. Five tail-lengths… four… three… two… one… Sumon, Layla, and Jamiel burst out of the side of the mountain. They all landed in the dust and sand of the smoldering heat of the desert.
When the dust clears Jamiel stands up and walks over to where Layla was laying. She looks around and then a flash of terror crosses her face. One simple question can take even the most joyful moments and turn them into the most dreadful.
“Where’s Darren?” Layla asked with a horrified expression.
“He-” Jamiel’s words were once again interrupted by a shrill roar. However this roar was not the one that belonged to the beast.
“That’s Darren!” Layla springs to her feet only to held back by Jamiel.
“Let go of me! We need to go save him!” Layla begs as she franticly claws at the ground, but Jamiel was firmly holding on to her scruff refusing to let her go.
Minute by minute, second by second, roar by roar, until all there was left is silence along with the woefulness and sadness that she brings with her.
They all hang their heads as they grieve of the lost of their dear friend.
The silence is bitter and lonely just the way Layla felt.
“Ah, such a waste of talent. Tisk, tisk, he was such a good servant to me,” Sumon stated as he started to clean the dust off his black coat.
“That’s all what it is to you, isn’t it? Just some god forsaken game! It’s like you’re playing king ‘Oh I lost a servant oh well I’ll just go and pick up more off the side of the watering hole,’” enraged Layla jerks out of Jamiel’s hold and bares her teeth at Sumon.
“What do you care for that dead cat anyway?” Sumon press his head into Layla’s.
“He was like an older brother to me. He always was there for me every time that you would tick me off. I remember he would always say ‘There will be a-’”
“Better…tomorrow,” Layla’s eyes widen as she turns to see Darren limping-crawling out of the small hole on the side of the mountain.
“Darren!” Layla yells as she and Jamiel run over to their hurt friend.
“Darren, Darren what happened? How bad are you hurt? What did this thing look like?” relief floods off of Layla as she carefully licks his scruff.
Darren makes out a hoarse chuckle and manages to say, “It said… that… it wanted… me… alive to show… you something.”
“Everything is going to be alright we can-”
“Layla just stop… I’m not going to make it…” Layla stares down at Darren.
“Darren, you will, trust me, you-”
“Layla… I’m sorry… so… sorry…”
Darren sighs as he falls over on his side. His friends stare down at his crippled broken body soaking in his own blood.
“Darren, Darren please. Please Darren don’t leave me!” Layla cried out pleading as she pushed her nose into his still warm body.
Jamiel cringes at the sight of his friends. Darren’s body was so disfigured with all the long lacerations over his back. Jamiel observes the broken, matted, blood-soaked body and finds something very odd.
“Layla, Sumon look at the pattern of the slash marks on Darren’s side,” Sumon gives a huff and reluctantly walks toward Darren’s body.
“What am I supposed to be looking at? All I see is a dead body.” Layla growls and shoves Sumon aside.
“Yeah you’re right Jamiel. They look as if they have been arranged,” Layla noticed a large X with a dot on each side. The other side had five cuts going across with one long one going vertical straight through.
“Hey wait a minute. Those aren’t just markings it’s a language. I studied it a while back, this is the ancient era.” Zuni answered as he slowly walks over toward the three cheetahs.
“Can you still read it?” Jamiel asked.
“Well yeah, I think that I can decipher these two symbols,” Zuni states.
All was quiet for the moment being. Layla was shaking with fright and little curiosity. While Jamiel was observing Zuni, Sumon showed no emotion to any of the cats.
“I’ve got it! I’m positive about what it says. It says new dynasty.” Zuni was purring in high spirits that he could help.
“New dynasty? What the heck does that supposed to mean?” Sumon questions as he pushes Layla back to get a closer look at the body.
“Sire that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” Jamiel roared from his enragement.
“What are you talking about?” Sumon turns to face Jamiel.
“Another black cub was born.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey there and welcome to YWS. I see that you have done two reviews, and you've posted three things. We have a 2:1 ratio, where you post one thing and you have to give two reviews. So you should have six reviews by now. Just a little reminder. Maybe you have already, but I was looking at your 'review' number under your picture. And I'm here to critique your work.
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This sentence is okay, except for one little thing. I recommend that you put a comma after sighs.
After mutters, do the same as above. Place a period after of, and then capitalize the.
Capitalize relief.
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That's all I found punctuation and grammar wise. I like how this is in the view of animals, rather than humans! Keep writing.