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16+ Mature Content

Twisted

by BlackWidow


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

Traumatic times and violent blows;

Hidden secrets that nobody knows.

I sleep eyes-open, hands always fisted.

I guess you could say that my mind is twisted.

Chronic neurotic;

Some say I’m demonic.

I can’t always remember;

I’m loaded up on narcotics.

So wired anxious

I shut down, enclose.

I have so many secrets

I’ll never expose.

I take meds because

I’m sick in the head.

I swear to be crazy

to the day of my death.

I’m wise beyond your wildest dreams.

Happiness is just a scary thing.

I try to show people that I am gifted,

but all they see is that I’m dark and twisted.

I’m running down

the dimly-lit corridors

with extra-padded walls

and outside-locked doors.

Determined depression;

Heavy on my brain.

I fell way off my rocker;

Pathologically insane.

No self-worth,

low self-esteem.

Personality disorder

to the extreme.

Self-harm is pleasure, it’s what I need.

Sometimes I lie and let myself bleed.

No, I’m not dead; My mind has just drifted.

I can’t help that I’m so sick and so twisted.

©Black Widow


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User avatar
24 Reviews


Points: 11
Reviews: 24

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Sun Apr 02, 2017 3:09 am
JaylinBoykins wrote a review...



The poem was beautiful. The rhyme scheme was amazing and your word choice was phenomenal. The topic you chose was perfect and made me somehow just cling to your writing. I also love how mature it was and how it wasn't traditional. This is honestly one of my favorite poems I have read on this website and am intrigued on your future dark poem work. My only complaint is the way you signed your name. I would suggest you use ~, -, or something of the sorts. It is rather distracting but that is a personal opinion. Anyways, your poem has inspired me in a way. Amazing job!




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7 Reviews


Points: 27
Reviews: 7

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Fri Mar 31, 2017 1:57 pm
menushathenodi wrote a review...



HEY im Menu : )
I'd like to say a lil something about your poem...

So this is a lyrical yet a mature piece of writing. I really like your rhyme ends and your diction. It is sometimes simple, sometimes wise which adds a genius sense to your poem. The content of course is easy to understand. I have no confusions about it.

As it seems to me, i sense its about a person who had suffered a traumatic experience in the past and is now " twisted". The suicide attempts later mentioned and the on - the - fence attitude of your poetic persona supports the "twisted" mentality too.

And your imagery used is also on point but i only wish it were more.

Soooo all in all i love your poem : ) keep up.
Thank you@
_ MENU_




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1210 Reviews


Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210

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Fri Mar 31, 2017 3:30 am
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there BlackWidow! Niteowl here to review. Oh, and welcome to YWS!

My first impression of the poem is that the speaker sounds very scattered. The short lines and quick rhymes really contribute to that effect. It's interesting how in some lines the speaker sounds like they think highly of themselves, while in others they sound more depressed and empty. There's some hints to a dark back story, like the first few lines, but most of the piece is focused on how the speaker feels twisted in the present.

My main critique of this piece is that it uses telling more than showing and that it reinforces some really problematic ideas about mental illness. For the first point, I read over and over again that the speaker is twisted and insane, but I see very little evidence to actually support this. Self-harm, possible drug addiction, anxiety, a hinted-at history of trauma--none of these scream "twisted" to me. Troubled, sure, but not twisted. I guess for someone that's twisted I expect to see more violent thoughts and actions, which I'm not really getting in this piece.

I can’t always remember;

I’m loaded up on narcotics.

So wired anxious

I shut down, enclose.


This might be my ignorance showing, but I don't think narcotics make you wired and anxious, but rather more sleepy.

I take meds because

I’m sick in the head.



This bothers me mainly because without meds, I would probably be dead right now. Millions of people take meds for psychiatric conditions, and I strongly dislike any implication that that makes you bad or twisted. Because then people get the idea that they should stop taking those meds and end up harming themselves even more.

I’m running down

the dimly-lit corridors

with extra-padded walls

and outside-locked doors.


Yeah, I've been in hospitals, and that's not what they look like. For one, they're bright, often obnoxiously so. And the walls aren't padded, though in my case they were very lavender. Honestly, this whole passage just feels stereotypical and doesn't really add anything to make me feel like this person is twisted.

As for the rhyming format, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I often tell people to just go free verse because rhyming poetry so often sounds forced and lacks the rhythm and flow. However, it works pretty well here structure-wise and flows well, so kudos for that. That said, I don't really feel like it matches the subject matter very well. Speaking from experience, when I'm not well I can barely sound coherent, let alone make a whole rhyming poem. So if this person is supposed to be mentally ill, it seems strange that they would rhyme.

Traumatic times and violent blows;

Hidden secrets that nobody knows.

I sleep eyes-open, hands always fisted.


I’m wise beyond your wildest dreams.

Happiness is just a scary thing.


To end on a positive note, I really like these lines. The opener hints at a darker back story that I think would make for a very interesting piece if you got into it further. The second quote is thought-provoking and makes me think of the fear of stability and wellness in someone struggling, which is another topic that could be its own poem.

Overall, I think this poem flows well, but I would like to see stronger imagery and less stereotypical evidence that this character is twisted. Keep writing! :)





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