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by BlackThorne


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45 Reviews


Points: 2352
Reviews: 45

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Mon Oct 12, 2020 7:17 pm
Euphoria8 wrote a review...



WOW I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING I have to say that was an extremely well hidden plot twist! Despite having multiple guesses as to what could happen if he ate too much jam, I still couldn't predict the ending!

I think that's definitely my favourite part of this story! Another thing I loved is the tone and atmosphere in the story: it was sort of eerie, unsettling and absolutely perfect for a horror story like this!

Overall, I enjoyed this immensely! Thanks for sharing and keep growing <3



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BlackThorne says...


thank you! :D


Random avatar
BlackThorne says...


thank you! :D



Euphoria8 says...


You're mos5 welcome!



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Wed Oct 07, 2020 10:13 pm
SilverNight wrote a review...



Hey! This was a story with an ending that I didn't see coming, and I liked it. So, let's see what I have to say about it! :)

The ghosts can’t hurt you, no matter what they want you to think.


For me, this was the line I focused on for a little longer. It's the first mention of the ghosts, and that makes it hair-raising. It adds to a feeling of horror that was dawning on us from the moment we learned of the infection.

“I have here a glass goblet and the last can of peaches.”


“I have here my baby teeth, saved from when I was little.”


“I have here a dried-up rose from a vase on the mantelpiece. They say it was of a lover who died of grief.”


The bargains he makes to evade death are increasingly more valuable as he becomes more desperate, trying to live another day, and then another. It starts with a small loss, a snack that would have been enjoyable for those in their final days. Then comes something of personal significance, something that might have been precious to him. Last of all, he trades away the rose-- a symbol of someone's love, one of the valuable gifts someone can give away.

“Go to that cupboard and eat a jar of the jam. Then you shall live another day.”


“Go to that cupboard and eat five jar of the jam. Then you shall live another day.”


“Go to that cupboard and eat ten jars of the jam. Then you shall live another day.”


In addition of this, the price of the other condition the witch gives him climbs higher each time. He can't avoid death forever, no matter what he trades. By the third time he attempts to escape it, it's too late. He's bought himself all the time he could.

Strange. There seemed to be one more ghost than usual.


This is a quiet but dramatic ending. It's chilling how brief it is, but how we instantly know it means the death of the one who tried to get away from his fate. It's a very creative horror story, and it's going to linger in my mind for a while.

Thank you for sharing this. Keep up the good work!

- Shadow



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BlackThorne says...


thank you! <3



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22 Reviews


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Tue Oct 06, 2020 5:51 am
rida says...



Did the man just turn into a GHOST?!?!?



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BlackThorne says...


yup



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22 Reviews


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Tue Oct 06, 2020 5:51 am
rida says...



Did the man just turn into a GHOST?!?!?




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Fri Oct 02, 2020 9:28 pm
fleuralplants wrote a review...



Hey! This was an interesting read. Here are some things I noticed:
I think in this line

Apparently his family has known before he did
'has' doesn't fit very well here. I think it's a different tense than the rest of the story. Maybe 'had' would work better.
I think portraying the ticks of the clock helped. Such a little detail, but it added to the setting of the story / what the character was perceiving. It helped put us in his shoes.
I liked the way that the main character's interaction with the witch repeats. We see the same thing happening three times, and I love that. It reminds me a lot of a child's storybook, with the way that they repeat (that's a good thing, actually!) and it was one of my favorite quirks about this story.
I loved the ending of the story! It doesn't say flat out what exactly happened, and that makes it more interesting.
I know this is a short story so you can't go into massive amounts of detail, but I was a little bit confused about the relationship between the infection and the ghosts. What does it mean for someone to be infected? Are the ghosts people who have died from that infection?
Anyway, besides that, I loved reading this!
Thanks for sharing!



Random avatar
BlackThorne says...


Thanks for the review! :) The idea is supposed to be that eating too much of the jam stuff turns you into a ghost. The ghosts that are there are the ghosts of other diseased people that wanted to live longer and made deals with the witch.




"Death is cheap, and so is life, but a reputation is not easily recovered."
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi