Hello, BlackThorne,This gave me chills! It reads like a Grimm Brothers' fairytale or a Neil Gaimon short. I'm not a big fan of horror, but the fantasy pulled me in, and fantasy is my greatest weakness.The descriptions are great, and I loved the way you described the thorns growing out of them. Ugh, I felt so uncomfortable.As for the things I would improve, I agree with JacobMoor. The pace goes a little too quickly in the parts they meet the woodcutter and make their own decisions.
“Hello?”“Shhh! They’ll hear you!”The voice lowered. “Are they nearby?” She could see a pair of eyes glinting in the dark, and the black half-outline of someone against pale blossoms.
Hey Blackthorne!Really liked the story! Dark fantasy's one of my favourite genres, and it's a great way to take a breather from the usual horror tropes. You're descriptions are vivid, and captivating, loved the one with the thorns poking out of the body, the spine-hooked loops... that was great.As for improvement, I think you could work on the pace of the thing. At points, the action is kind of rushed, like at the end... their deaths were a little jarring, I think you could've slowed that down a bit. Or the meeting with the woodcutter, that was done quite fast. The danger with fantasy-themed short stories is getting caught up in description and concept; you've balanced it quite well, but there are a few points where plot is brushed over.As for spelling/grammar, I didn't see too many mistakes. "The moss of it grows on you" doesn't make sense, but I can see where you were going with that. Just touch that bit up a little. And with the "crackle crackle" part, it kind of sounds unwieldy, if you know what i mean?Other than that, a great read. I'm looking forward to reading the other spooky stories you're planning on writing!Jacob
Nice, this was a good spooky story! I loved the direction it took and the strange layout. I only have a couple cases of nit-picking and a few suggestions .
“Happens after you’ve been in the Forest for a while. The moss of it grows on you. In my case it’s antlers.”
He’d been in the forest longer than Clove-his face was half wood, and his fingers cracked like twigs.
She woke up coughing, and it didn’t take long for her to realize why. Blackberry vine was sprouting from her throat, pricking at her lips and scratching her teeth. Tendrils were breaking from her skin, and her hair was hanging with leaves. She looked at clove in a panic, to see he shared her fate. The woodcutter’s words echoed through her mind.“Don’t eat the blackberries.The seeds will grow in your stomach.”
“Didn’t the woodcutter say not to eat them?” she asked.“That’s just stuff people make up to scare little kids,” he said. “He’s probably crazy anyway.”He was right, they just tasted like normal blackberries-good. And she hadn’t eaten in a while.
It was a body, pretty well rotten. The bushes were rooted in the ribcage and curled up like dark claws, in spine-hooked loops and spirals poking from every inch of the skin. It wasn’t pleasant. So far, all she’d seen were stripped bones. This the Owls didn’t even touch.
Hey! Silverquill here, with a review!Wow! I'm a huuuuuge fan of macabre fairy tales like this one. It reminded me a lot of The Hazel Wood by Melissa Albert. (I don't know if you've read it, but it's extremely good.) Your imagery was lovely and dark, and I got exactly what you advertised in the description!The overall concept of this is so inviting. I love the forest you give the readers as the setting, watched over by the mysterious and deadly Owls. I especially liked the part about how being in the forest makes you more a part of it, displayed by the woodsman and Clove's antlers. It's very good worldbuilding, and especially impressive in such a short piece. So, good job there!I also loved the ending. It was satisfyingly chilling and overall finished the piece with the same mood it started in, which is great.A couple suggestions: In sentences like
He was right, they just tasted like normal blackberries-good.
“I’m not going to get cut. Anyways, the best berries are in the mid-Oh.”
“Shhh! They’ll hear you!”He lowered his voice. “Are they nearby?”
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