Published September 20, 2012
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Hey, Stallion,
Interesting poem.
There's a typo in the last line. it should be "forever" not "Forver".
Puck
Well, I have to say this poem took an interesting turn for me. At the beginning, I thought it was going to be a deep, meaningful poem. The ending surprised me, really. It was unexpected, but perhaps that is what you were trying to go for here. The beginning was relatable, and that's good because sometimes that is what people look for when they read poetry. I found a slight error in this, near the end, when you said "Cause your jerk". It should be "Cause you're a jerk". Just putting it out there for you. This is really good, and I'm sure readers will get a good laugh out of its ending.
I smiled when I got to the end, I know the feeling all too well.
I really liked how you were able to incorporate independence and anger, and still let hilarity ensue. Most poems I read are very one dimensional in terms of emotion.