One day I was out walking down the street and I saw smoke rising from the dojo that my master had left me almost a year ago now. I started into a sprint to get to the dojo when I got there I saw someone setting fire to the dojo. I ran at them and they started running away. I started chasing the person as they ran they started to climb up walls and jump over them. So of course i copied what they did and managed to barely keep up with them. After jumping over about four walls and running down three allies’ the man reached a dead end. He turned to face me but he was wearing a hood so i couldn't make out his face. The man ran at me as fast as he could jumping into the air and kicking off a nearby wall to send himself flying at me i quickly reacted by moving slightly to the left and crouching down to center myself. I then grabbed his leg as he reached where i was moments ago and pulled it up as hard and fast as i could sending the rest of him crashing down onto the ground as i held his leg up he grabbed mine and pulled it out from under me thus making me fall as well. He took the moment that i was stunned to jump up and pin me down punching me in the gut repeatedly. I brought my knee up and it hit him in the chest knocking him off of me. I got up as fast as i could but he was already up too. He swung and punched me in the stomach i leaned over in pain he brought his knee up to knee me in the face but i caught it and brought it up flipping him over again. As he tried to get up i kicked him in the side twice. I went to kick him again but he caught my leg and tripped me we both got up and connected a couple punches with each other. I turned and started to run away i got around a corner he was right behind me so i quickly stopped got as low to the ground as i could turned and swept his legs out from underneath him with one good kick. He got up i punched him in the stomach i brought my leg up and kicked him in the chest knocking him over into a garbage can he grabbed an old broom that someone had left there. He swung at me with the broom i ducked under the first swing he then caught me in my side with the next swing. I reacted by grabbing the broom and pulling it away from him before he could attempt to swing again i then jumped up holding the broom above my head and brought the broom stick down on his head breaking the broom and knocking him out.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...we have ourselves a pretty cool little fight scene here...certainly seems like a really nice little scene to start a story off with. A nice big ol' fight scene...and well, lemme get right into dissecting that one to see how it measures up here.
Okay...so as far as a fight scene that just occurs between two people goes, this is a pretty long one here....and I'd like to start out by saying that including the whole thing along with the start to the piece all in just the one paragraph is probably not a great idea here. This ends up being a bit too much of a giant chunk of text and I'd say splitting things into a couple of paragraphs perhaps even three would be a good idea here.
As for the fight scene itself, I do like the overall feel of it, it looks like their surrounding are being used a lot and there's a decent bit of back and forth here between the two of them as the fight goes on. It certainly feels like a pretty realistic take on a fight between two people here. Now the problem I spot here is the description. While description is certainly helpful for a fight here...this is kind of slowing down a bit in places....it almost seems like a case of too much detail in some places such that the actual action kind of gets held back a bit soo..you might want to look into that. Finding that balance between showing just enough and showing too much is not the easiest thing...but getting as close as possible to it makes for the best fight scenes.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello BlackGlove!
It's a nice start to the story.
I cant say anything else about grammar lol. I focus more on the story itself than the grammar 
Keep writing! Especially about Panther 
1) To answer your comment, keep writing! It's never perfect the first time. It takes time and practice. I'm a beginner and that is what I try to focus on. When I tried to write something and I ended up not liking it, I always would quit. I try to not focus on that anymore and I just keep trying and keep pushing. I encourage you to do the same
2) Most people find grammar to be the most important in a story. I agree that it is important, but I find the story and the creativity of the story to be most important. How catchy is it? How detailed is it? Do I want to read more?
At first your story caught my attention, but I slowly lost interest. Yes it is very detailed, but I think the fight scene was too much. It just felt like this back and forth thing that I don't know what to call haha. I am sure you will be able to figure out a way to fix that and keep my attention the whole way through
I am interested though with the rest of Panthers story. Who lit the dojo on fire? It does want me to know more so I will give you points there
3) Ok this is the grammar part. I don't do too much because...well...I'm not that good at is myself haha. The one thing I will tell you though that is very noticeable is the missing periods and commas. It is very noticeable and it makes it hard to follow and keep the story interesting and flowing. Just fix up those mistakes
Overall great job
Thank you very Much
Hello,
My review will contain two parts: a general advice section, and a section where I detail the technical errors in your story.
In the technical errors section, I will detail the problems I found in your story. However, I will not fix the grammatical errors.
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General Advice:
In your story, I noticed a lack of commas, (or any punctuation aside for periods, or full stops) which leads to a lack of variation in sentence structure. It also gives way to grammatically incorrect, and disgustingly run-on sentences. Those two things make for a boring story, and we don't want that, do we? No, of course we don't.
Also, you occasionally forget to capitalize your "I"s.
Your story seems to lack strong description, and you have a tendency to tell what's happening instead of showing. Both are problems are easily fixed by dutiful revisions. Although, you have an affinity for detailing action scenes. Congratulations!
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could:
~6 Remove 4 occurrences from 6
generic descriptions (watch/notice/observe/very):
~0 Nice work!
had:
~2
it/there:
~8
just/then:
~3
-ly adverb(s)
~5
see/saw
~2
that
~3
was/were
~6
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Technical Errors:
(I will break your story into small paragraphs to make it easier for me to edit.)
~I will use color coding in this section. Their meanings are as follows:
Red: readability issue. (When you see this color, it means you can either omit the words involved, or substitute stronger words.)
Green: capitalization/spelling error
Yellow: complicated sentence alert! (This sentence needs to be trimmed for clarity/brevity)
Blue: unnecessary adverb or word/vague or abstract wordage
Purple: cliche or redundant word/phrase
Orange: passive voice
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Disclaimer: I'm not perfect, nor am I a professional. Therefore, I make tons of mistakes in my reviews. Please forgive me, as I tried my best.
I hope this was helpful to you.
Respectfully,
MissAly
P.S: Of course you should continue to write this story. There is no reason for you to abandon your writing, in fact, I am quite interested in Panther.
thank you for your review i will take everything u said into consideration and fix anything that is wrong with my story <3
This is my first ever story so please leave a comment telling me if i should continue with it or not and please feel free to give me some constructive criticism