Young Writers Society

I really thought this was a good poem, and really captured a tender feeling. It was cool how you started everything with "My Angel so beautiful," and even capitalized "Angel." It really makes you think about who this could be. I would, however, shy away from the word "evil." It defines a character too much, and doesn't let the reader draw their own conclusion. Perhaps try a word that implies a shift toward depravity, instead of stating it.

Otherwise, that was all I could find, so nice job! I'll really look forward to reading more of your stuff!

that was really good. i liked the way you say that no matter what you love this person and she will always be your angel. though what i felt was why did you suddenly introduce the evil, or the black wings part. i mean if you have done so, it should be clear how and from where did it come. first you call her sad and then you bring in the evil part. it wasnt very clear to me. ans also the punctuation marks were not properly mentioned. also i couldnt make out this line:

"My Angel so beautiful but now evil
will you come to me once more"

i really liked that you ended your poem with:

"You are still My Beautiful Angel"

it just made the poem look very beautiful which ended with a sweet, simple message!
hoping for you to write more...

cheers,

Shiksha

Well done that's a good poem! Remember to put in capital letters at the right time and vary your punctuation (put commas for flow etc.) and maybe a full-stop at the end (?).

'My Angel so beautiful, sweet, and bright
Looks so sad and depressed (maybe add a full stop?)
one with such face should smile (One not one?)
and show one's pretty smile
instead of small wet drops falling'

Am I right-maybe 2nd and 3rd line aren't meant to be joined so maybe a full stop is needed??? There is a repetition of smile that could be changed and you need an 'a' before face-'one with such a face should smile
and show one's pretty smile'

Well done!

tiggpanda145

nice poem BlackFox,have a good day!I admit that there is some grammatic errors that you should fix it so that it would not affect the beautiful poem.

"My Angel so beautiful, sweet. and soft
why have your wings turned black
and your aura so evil with a
blackened heart"*I sure another Black_wood already told you the mistakes here.

When I read the first stanza,I see that the sadness is the reason for the angel's tears for sure.Then the beautiful angel suddenly turning to be an evil,but still an angel to you by the way(with a blackened heart and black wings).This is such a beautiful poem but will be more amazing to read if you write it with more poetic way.Good job and keep writing here in YWS:)

This is a great piece of poetry Black Fox One thing I might say is though that you used black to describe his/her wings. Black doesn't always represent evil. Red or orange could work if you worded it as : Why have your wings turned orange and red like the flames from hell's fiery abyss.

Now how you wrote it really is amazing , and I would love to see it continue. The worst part of a great poem is the fact it must always end You could also have made the last stanza an actual stanza rather than one line lol. Other than that though it is fabulous:)

Nice poem, watch out for your grammar is places, for example "why have your wings" not has. Also some other grammar errors such as 'looks' instead of 'look'.
Good job, it was a very sweet poem that stayed true to its theme and had an nice resolving statement.