Beware Beware the Virgin McClair.
Eyes made of knives and Hazelnuts for hair.
A face like marble with a heart made of dirt.
Forever so pure and eternally damned.
Beware Beware the Virgin McClair
Last of her kind, she stalks through the night.
Beware Beware the Virgin McClair
With just one touch you turn to ash and her beauty remains.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Thanks you guys I am really looking for feedback. This is more pf a prolgue to the big picture I just wanted to test this out first. But a story is in the works.
Hi! I thought this was very very creative! I love reading it. I liked where you went with the ending, but TO ME the rythym changed a little. This is only my opinion and others may have liked it more than I did. Other than that I loved it! It was super interesting and a cool twist
This was crazy, but in a good way.
I feel like this belongs to bigger story or novel somehow because just alone it is little disembodied. Certainly not in a bad way but in a way that leaves the impression that there is much more to the story.
The only franker nit pick is that you put a period after the first line in the second stanza but not after the second line.
Anyway, nice little chant you have here. It definitely deserves a bigger story to fit into.