Some people are born different. Different from other humans. If you just look at them, you don’t notice anything off, or different. That is, if you can see them. Even they don’t notice something different about themselves, they just seemed to be ignored a lot. It is rare any of them will even have a friend, their own parents don’t pay them a lot of mind. This difference, to be ignored by so many people, is what makes them the best assassins.
A girl weaves in and out of the crowd. Her long, silky black hair trails behind her. No one pays attention to her. Finally she comes up along-side a man in a black tuxedo. In one quick movement she picks her hand that is next to him, and sticks syringe needle in his arm.
The man looks to his side, after he feels a prick in his arm. By the time he does, there’s no one there. Assuming a bug bit him, he continues walking to his job. Instead of making it to his job, he is shown on the news a couple hours later. The news report says that this man, Robert Moore the head of Intel Inc., died of a heart-attack on his way to work.
The girl who had been ignored by so many, used that to her advantage. She walked away, without any second thought.
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137,533 Literary Works • 672,042 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...so this is a very interesting take on how assassins work, and the assassins in the story itself appear to be some very skilled ones judging by the things that we've seen them actually do here in this prologue...well definitely caught my attention here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm, well that's an interesting detail of humans to focus on, and I'm guessing this is some sort of fictional ability that has been added in to the humans of this world, and its certainly quite intriguing. And of course, assassin stories are always a lot of fun to read, so this here opening paragraph definitely manages to get my attention at the very least. Its certainly got a pretty interesting bit of a discussion there, and the reveal regarding the assassins is quite nicely done.
Okay...well I assume this is one of those assassins, at the very least that syringe needle certainly doesn't seem to be spelling out anything good there, those are very useful when it comes to making deaths look accidental...and well, we can certainly this person just seems to be slipping through the crowd with ease and has disappeared long before anyone has a chance to react and do anything.
Ooooh, well that's a very clean and very quick kill there, well, looks like these assassins are a force to be reckoned with here. Looks like they do some very good jobs there if it happens literally with not a single possible wrinkle here. Its not too often that you see an assassination this smooth in a story..and well...I am most definitely intrigued about what these assassins are doing here.
Hmm, well it appears these assassins don't feel any regret judging by that, so they certainly appear to be people who've been doing this sort of thing for quite a long time here judging based just off of that one. And well, seems like its a force to be reckoned with, certainly makes for quite a cool prologue here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Well...this was a really cool prologue here, it certainly ticks off most of the boxes that you would expect from a prologue, and I really do like the premise of things here. Certainly sounds like a story that I would read.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Here's a piece of advice that someone gave me when I started out writing: show, don't tell.
Your prologue has a good idea. You can go places with it.
A couple of thoughts though.
Expand your prologue. Flesh it out with details. As it is, the prologue is a lot more telling than showing. You're telling me about the assassination thing right off the bat, and then throwing in a quick scene about someone dying. I'd rather you not tell me about the assassination thing in the first paragraph. Instead, show me how no one sees her while she's walking, how no one notices even if she walks into them. Throw in details about the crowd, the location, the environment. Tell me, with excruciating detail, how she kills a man, and his bewilderment as he dies.
Then tell me about the whole assassination thing. Or maybe you won't need to at that point.
1) this looks like a great start to a great story so i applaud your prologue. i just wish i knew more about why these "different humans" were faster then other. i get its because they are ignored but is it because the more they are ignore the faster and more invisible they get until someone or that one "regular human" that can see and stop them. is it a group of assassins or just a chosen few?
2)i like your concept a lot. with you story line it has so many directions you can go with it.your story line makes me want to know more about the character(s). and what make them so different and assassin quality. i hope you build from this and keep it going.
-ashley
Thanks for the review!
They're not fast actually, but all that will be explained later on~ I like leaving cliffhanger prologues, Hehe. cx