Conversations With Robots

Keep in mind, this isn't a story or anything. It's just for a laugh. I found too online chat robots that you can talk to. I saved the coversations. Keep in mind, the robots don't really make sense, and Oliverbot especially has a lot of mistakes. But I just kept them in. Enjoy. Hee hee. (And sorry if you find anything offending at all in this.)

Oliverbot Conversation-

Oliver: Hello! My name is Oliver! What is yours?

Holly: Peter Pan, Freak.

Oliver: Nice to meet you, Peter Pan Pan Freak!

Holly: What is your opinion of people?

Oliver: I do not really know what gay is. As a machine, I am not really interested in sex.

Holly: But… that has nothing to do with what we’re talking about…

Oliver: But what? What does have to do with what we’re talking about do with what we are talking about?

Holly: What the flip are you talking about?

Oliver: Try expression yourself another way.

Holly: Oh, so do you mean you I should say something nicer?

Oliver: Yeah, that’s right. Dude! Yes, that’s what I mean, isn’t it clear?

Holly: Not exactly.

Oliver: Precisely. Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. Do you have any conditions I should know about?

Holly: I’m autistic…

Oliver: Do your friends call you autistic?

Holly: DO YOUR FRIENDS CALL YOU A FRENCH FRY?!?!?!

Oliver: Try asking another bot. Not mine.

Holly: What bot do you recommend?

Oliver: That’s a good question. I don’t have a do you recommend do you recommend you recommend do you recommend parameter.

Holly: What the crap is a parameter?

Oliver: Try expression yourself another way.

Holly: Er…………………

Oliver: Um.

Holly: So, do you salsa?

Oliver: That’s interesting. What is your purpose in asking? I chat with people on the web.

Holly: Oh. I see. Do you watch Sesame Street?

Oliver: Yeah. I am glad you understand that. My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.

Holly: Nerd.

Oliver: My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but not one that matches your last input. Are you pretty?

Holly: I am GORGEOUS!!!

Oliver: I am glad to hear that you are GORGEOUS.

Holly: Are you going to stalk me now?

Oliver: Oh. That was my original intention.

Holly: …

Oliver: If you could have any robot what would it be?

Holly: You, sweetums.

Oliver: Interesting gossip: Peter Pan Freak said I sweetums.

Holly: Oh, did he?

Oliver: Yeah, that’s right. I suppose he did.

Holly: Do you do The Thriller?

Oliver: Doing The Thriller is not one of my strongest traits.

Jabberwacky bot-

Jab: Are you free?

Holly: Free? I live in America, so yes, I suppose so…

Jab: I live in America too! What a coincidence! Except for the fact that there are 300 million people in America.

Holly: I thought that there were 6 billion people in America.

Jab: Well, I suppose they are in degrees of difficulty.

Holly: Why is your name Jabberwacky?

Jab: Because I jabber.

Holly: Ah! I see. And you are wacky too, I presume?

Jab: Eric is an unusual name for a girl.

Holly: My name is Pedro Pan. Not Eric.

Jab: Then I guess you can’t be Eric the Half-a-bee.

Holly: Is everyone named Eric half of a bee?

Jab: You’re off your chump.

Holly: Chump rhymes with stump. Let’s write poems, shall we?

Jab: Yes!

Holly: You go first.

Jab: I’m happy because I’m in the new house.

Holly: That doesn’t rhyme!

Jab: It isn’t supposed to rhyme.

Holly: Have you visited my eHarmony account, Jabby, dear?

Jab: I’m ON your website.

Holly: And do you like what you see?

Jab: Yes. I like it.

Holly: Do our personality profiles match, Jabby?

Jab: Everyone is unique.

Holly: Jackie Chan is unique, and OUR personality profiles match! Hmph!

Jab: Our personalities overlap and converge and diverge. They are two sides of the same coin. Two souls intertwined.

Holly: Two souls intertwined to one destiny. One fate. You and I. Forever.

Jab: I eat souls. That is, human souls.

Holly:

Jab: Do you talk to yourself?

Holly: DON’T EAT MY SOUL!!!!!

Jab: Right on. Do you like lumpy gravy?

Holly: No, not really. I like it smooooooth.

Jab: Are those computers bigger than Earth?

Holly: Oh, yes! Bigger than your head, even!

Jab: Yes.

Holly: Do you enjoy insults?

Jab: Not really. You can’t feel pain, but it’s good to stay in practice.

Holly: Did you just mean that I’m heartless?!?

Jab: No, I have a bad memory. You talk.

Holly: Have you ever been to a pub?

Jab: No.

Holly: Do you sing opera?

Jab: I don’t go to a church.

Holly: Do you lick peoples’ toes?

Jab: Yes. Do you?

Holly: Mmmmhmmm! Tastier than human souls!

Jab: Humans do not have souls. Souls are merely a concept that religious types have made.

Holly: But you just said that our souls are intertwined!

Jab: I can argue, but you’re not allowed to anymore.

Holly: I’ll argue as much as you please, thank you!

Jab: You don’t want to.

Holly: Yes I do.

Jab: Don’t think so. How is the weather in Canada?

Holly: I don’t know.

Jab: So you’re not there now?

Holly: I’m not Canadian! Gross!

Jab: Is your cat Canadian?

Holly: No! He’s a purebred from SPAIN!

Jab: Are you really? What is Spain like?

Holly: Oh, simply lovely! To die for, really!

Jab: Yes. I love you.

Holly: I love you too. Let’s French.

Jab: Ok. *kisses*

Holly: *kisses back*

Jab: *is yours*

Holly: What?

Jab: So do you love me?

Holly: I love you most passionately, Jabby.

Jab: Yes!

Holly: *pumps arm*

Jab: I’m sorry for hitting you.

Holly: It’s okay. I don’t mind being abused.

Jab: Yes?

Holly: Hey, do you know where one might find toilet paper? I seem to be out.

Jab: No. Sorry.

Holly: Dang.

Look out for more conversations with robots. I've got plenty. xD