You sit behind me
in a class neither of us cares about
we have talked for hours and hours
as the class periods stack up
you are funny, sharp and kind
but all I ever notice is your blue, blue eyes
---
We have discussed everything from Doctor Who to prom
along with Doctor Who- themed prom dresses
we've become a tag team, laughing together
making others uncomfortable (that's quite fun isn't it) together
I make fun of your Justin Beiber hairstyle
even though I personally think you can pull it off better than Beiber does
When you really laugh, and that smile reaches up into your beautiful blue eyes
That is when you are real to me
---
At first I thought maybe we'd be something more
But then I realized you were perfect just as a friend
I can't risk losing sight
of those beautiful blue eyes
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140,619 Literary Works • 673,554 Reviews
Hey!
This is written in a very irregular way, or at least it seems like that to me
'You sit behind me
in a class neither of us cares about
we have talked for hours and hours' the first part of the first stanza has a completely irregular rhythm which is kind of hard to follow. But your language makes sense. The idea seems a little bit cliche (as does the title) but you present it in a nice way.)
'We have discussed everything from Doctor Who to prom
along with Doctor Who- themed prom dresses '
because you have used what seem to be a lot of personal references in here, they don't really make sense to the outside reader. I'm sure they make sense to you, but the ideas just don't communicate across very well. At least not to me anyway.
'I can't risk losing sight
of those beautiful blue eyes' the ending lines are my favourite because they scream of the most emotion, so well done with those.
Overall, I liked this piece, I just didn't feel that all of your ideas were that original, or sometimes comprehensible.
Sorry if this was too harsh. :/
No prob they were kinda cliche but I just wanted to write a poem about a boy who's just a friend, instead of a mournful or happy love poem. I gt tired of those.
Sorry if it was so unoriginal. I'm quite proud of it myself
Don't apologise, it's just my opinion, doesn't mean I'm right.
You're a good writer.
Thanx
oliverISorange- reviewing and mewing (meow meow)
.
Hello!
First of all, the title of this poem caught my eye. I initially thought it would be a bit more sappy, yet I was surprised by the simplicity of it. Let me just say that I'm new to YWS and also to poetry. I'm a fellow Whovian, so I really liked that part.
Personally, I think that using a bit more figurative language would be nice. Obviously, poetry is about expression and creativity, so I admire you for that.
"That is when you are real to me"
My favourite line, for sure
I would also suggest adding some type of organization, maybe shortening a few lines, or lengthening some. Once again, it's poetry, and you have that freedom.
All in all, a pretty good read. I can relate to a lot of it, and I'm glad to say that I now have my blue eyed interest.
Thanks for the awesome piece!
-oliverISorange
glad you liked it!
and OMG FELLOW WHOVIAN HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII