On the way from work, my car broke down
Near the bus station subway
I got down there
The road looked familiar
The heart spoke “Let’s get back home, down this memory lane”
I stumbled on a cross road
One fairly known, one unknown
And another broken, less travelled
Fire broke inside, I know not why
Though it seems a rationale firework
Yeah, I took the broken one
As, there’s a reason why it’s less travelled
My mind sank, my heart’s overwhelmed
Sometimes the heart only knows what it knows
And the mind forever stays unaware
Certainly when you travel alone
You realize things you never before realized
No fear no bother, nothing to bind you
In a lonely mind’s soliloquy
Unspoken verses come alive
Broken roads always let you experience life
The best lessons are often learnt alone
No matter how much you try, but can you really deny?
That at least one pocket, of your old jacket
Holds a memory that will forever drag you back
So, what can be done?
If this poisons the mind
Forget about all, let’s get back to home
Don’t regret, don’t repent, and don’t curse anything
Remember, this mind, that heart was never pristine…
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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129,684 Literary Works • 671,510 Reviews
Heya! Zhia here to review your poem! It deserves it!
First, let's talk about the things that I love: I love the imagery in this. The choice of language is nearly flawless. The message is wonderful too.
Things I like: Well, there's the stuff above.
Things that... Eh: Okay, first: Some words in the poem just don't really belong. Example:
Uh, first, this might just be me, but this doesn't really make sense with the opening. What's there? The road? Unless you were meaning to make no sense, this isn't right. Also, 'got' is never a good word choice for anything really, it's a vague substitute that make you think too hard and not really concentrate on the poem...
Second:
Well, 'yeah' isn't really a good word choice either. Just saying. Also, maybe put something else where 'one' is.
Overall, I thought that this was a very good poem. Thanks for a fantastic read.
Zhi the Blue
Hey Zhia,
First of all, thanks so much for this review. Trust me I agreed with all the flaws you noted. I was in double mind before changing few words and uploading the poem, but then, I just uploaded it with all those imperfections. But yes, you review means a lot because
1. you took time to read this one.
2. You have been honestly critical and critically honest
I will be uploading few works of mine later. And will expect your visit over there. many thanks again buddy
Thanks!
Fantasydragon01 in the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like your poem very much. The rhythm was good. I could not find any mistakes to the poem. I like your idea. The rhyming was also good. Everything seemed to flow smoothly and I like that. It was also very well-written. I love the quote that you wrote:
"The best lessons are often learnt alone." Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Great job. I hope you write more. That would be great.
Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.
fantasyDragon001,
Hiya ! That was so endearing. thanks for inspiring me to write more. Moreover, please do let me know if you feel there are any flaw in my writing style /language. I will always welcome criticism as they will make me a better writer someday. Please keep your reviews posted for the works I upload. keen to visit your canvas soon
*Warm hug*
Okay, so, this is a review. First off, let me say that I enjoyed the poem. I'm not going to lay out what I think you did wrong. I'm going to suggest some
When I read this poem, the thing that I saw the most is that the flow was a bit rocky. Some of your lines could have been shortened to make it sound better on the tongue.
Also, you used several commas and a couple question marks. This didn't make a huge problem, but it made me change my place in the rhythm.
Thanks for the read.
angelxox
Thanks buddy for visiting by. I agree with you too. gew lines could really have been better and that's the reason I'm here with my writings, so that i can have a third person's view on it. Thanks for helping me. Will soon be knocking the door of your notebbook. keep the reviews alive
much love
I don't review poetry that much, but I will say that I loved this work!
So sweet of you Pickledchrissy.
keep visiting, keep your reviews alive.
much love
Thanks!