Hello there,it's maybe weird that I'm writing on a diary even though I'm 23 years old,but let's skip this part.My name is jo...I mean Blizario (I don't want to say my true identity, you now, even diarys have ears!)Let's say I'm something like...Spider-man or Super-man,or at least I'm trying and unfortunately I don't have the best results yet.I'll explain everything if you'll wait until the NEXT EPISODE.(or tomorrow).
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Canary word: Present
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
This is a very interesting short excerpt. I thought that it was pretty humorous, and I look forward to the next episode. Also, I would like to welcome you to YWS. I'm also kind of new as well. Looking forward to your next posts. Also, you may need to improve on using spaces between comas and the following word. Happy writing.
Hey there! this is really an awesome introduction and I'm sure it is going to attract a lot of readers to read your work. The mystery which is showcased is really fantastic. the way you describe yourself is something which caught my mind. And you are truthful enough when you say at least you are trying to and unfortunately you still don't have the best results yet.
And yes there are some mistakes like "I don't want to say my true identity, you now, even diarys have ears!"
The first part "I don't want to say my true identity" can be better written as I don't want to reveal my true identity. I suggest you to use good vocabulary which will really help you to move forward at least one step in good writing.
Second thing "you now..." it is clearly shown that you want to say you know. This mistake is a minor one but you need to focus on it too. Because even a minor mistake can make the readers lose interest in what you write.
And the third thing, diarys everyone knows plural form of diary is diaries this is again a minor mistake but I guess a good writer like you shouldn't make such small and simple mistakes.
That sentence could be well written as "I don't want to reveal my true identity as you know, even the diaries have ears.
Well I can't resist myself from saying that Yes, you are really a great writer and you know how to attract readers. Because that was the only sentence where I found mistakes. Everything else is just perfect.
Good Luck, Thank you, Have a nice writing...
This was kind of a cool intro but it lacks the thing that can make me feel interested in this work.
Still I think of following it if it continues. There is no way to make such a bit review for such a short work. I see this is going only the beginning of the story. I like the idea of the point of view to be the one of the mysterious narrator that we are talking about here.
I will love to see what is going to happen next. A secret silent hero who hides his face? Why not. It can turn into something interesting. If you want to continue the story, I think you need to know some stuff about the things that you can improve in.
You need to put space after each comma, this is the way I see people write in this site. The same after each fullstop. Well, in general, after each symbol like that.
Also, welcome in YWS. I totally forgot that you are actually a new member. Hope to see you around.
Keep on writing and if you have questions, ask.