Hey! I am (was) planning to write a musical... 
about Beautifully Evil, my novel, and this is a song that Christian, the MC sings and I just want to know if I should even try to continue writing this. This is sung by Christian and his longing for his old girlfriend, Mary.
We Used To Be
What is this life worth
When all you ever get is pain
There has to be some reason that I’m here.
Why can’t I see
Through the darkness?
Why can’t she be with me?
Too long I have waited
For her to be mine!
For we are a parted.
Let love see her through.
For we used to be
It was just him and her,
He and she,
We!
For we used to be.
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It good imagery and message. Though, I think this is a song. It's structure doesn't flow much.
It's a bit too short and if this is going to be played... I don't know, like you said, "musical"? I don't think it would even last a minute.
Ugh.
The main rule to follow when you write for is the way you convey the emotions. What you wrote was a poem, not a song. A song has to have a format that is special to itself--a love letter, a toast, a narrative--in this case, it's a begging thing. But you could do it any way you want.
What could I say?
If this was a song in a musical, I wouldn't even bother to watch it. It's the epitome of cliche. If you could employ this idea into an original, interesting song that flows, I would watch it. But this...I have to say, bad.
My least favorite was
"He, she, we"--I did that a lot too, I still remember--and then I read it again like a year later and I was so disgusted. It's so....well, awkward and so amature.
Here's something I scribbled down, so it isn't perfect, but if you follow that idea then you would see what I mean:
"Mary, Mary, I miss you
The cherries don't taste good anymore
Mary, Mary, I need you
Why did you have to walk out the door?"
Wow. That was so fun to write. I am going to write another stanza right now!
"Mary, Mary, it's been so many years
And I can't count the tears I shed
Mary, Mary, you are my star
Help me get out of bed, please,
Mary!"
PM me for questions!
Well, I am planning to write the lyrics and music. I have already written the novel and it is posted on this website.
who would, theoretically, be in this musical? would you actually make it? or just talk about it?
Totally musical aterial there. I think it has great potential actually. Just keep going.
Wasn't crazy about that line, it sounded a little cliche to me.