Young Writers Society

It good imagery and message. Though, I think this is a song. It's structure doesn't flow much.

What is this life worth
When all you ever get is pain
There has to be some reason that I’m here.

Ugh.

What could I say?

If this was a song in a musical, I wouldn't even bother to watch it. It's the epitome of cliche. If you could employ this idea into an original, interesting song that flows, I would watch it. But this...I have to say, bad.

My least favorite was
"He, she, we"--I did that a lot too, I still remember--and then I read it again like a year later and I was so disgusted. It's so....well, awkward and so amature.

Here's something I scribbled down, so it isn't perfect, but if you follow that idea then you would see what I mean:

"Mary, Mary, I miss you
The cherries don't taste good anymore
Mary, Mary, I need you
Why did you have to walk out the door?"

Wow. That was so fun to write. I am going to write another stanza right now!

"Mary, Mary, it's been so many years
And I can't count the tears I shed
Mary, Mary, you are my star
Help me get out of bed, please,
Mary!"

The main rule to follow when you write for is the way you convey the emotions. What you wrote was a poem, not a song. A song has to have a format that is special to itself--a love letter, a toast, a narrative--in this case, it's a begging thing. But you could do it any way you want.

PM me for questions!

Well, I am planning to write the lyrics and music. I have already written the novel and it is posted on this website.

who would, theoretically, be in this musical? would you actually make it? or just talk about it?

Totally musical aterial there. I think it has great potential actually. Just keep going.

Let love see her through.