Young Writers Society

This was a creative idea. One that I in my wildest of dreams would have probably never have thought of.

A few things I must nit-pick about though, I'm afraid.

I know that Poe was a desperate guy with a rough life, drinking problem, yada yada yada...but he seems a little too desperate. I think that Poe would have had enough pride to at least try to think of his own work. I thought that the idea was to have some sort of creature help a historical figure rise, not to do their work for them. I was expecting the imp to be of some assistance, but not to write the bloody thing for him.

(i won’t cry i won’t cry no not now i’m over that time the GREAT DEPRESSION is over never to return oh god why her why my Virginia)

Hola BBBBBBBBB!

So first of all, I’m going to post my actual grades. Like I said, everybody did exceptionally well, and yours is no exception. What I graded on was grammar, originality, creativity, conflict, historical accuracy, and characters. I was hoping for an entertaining read that would amuse me, and I definitely got that!

Your story was interesting in its own right. Imps writing for authors? Authors being inept to write anything substantial? Dun dun dun! And then you tied it in with that one poem that you really like... you know. That poem. It was interesting to see that you thought greatness was literary... I never considered that, so it was indeed interesting!

Anyway, your results were as follows:

Grammar: 4/5

Originality: 10/20

Creativity: 6/20

Internal Conflict: 3/15

External Conflict: 2/15

Historical Accuracy: 5/5

Characters: 10/20

TOTAL: 40/100

Now... to explain why I chose the numbers I did!


Grammar: 4/5

Commas are like zebras. If they’re hiding in the grass and you don’t notice them, everything is all right. However, if one is standing in lion’s pride, the lion will probably tear the zebra apart. This might be interesting to watch, but I am supposed to be reading a story, not watching a zebra getting torn apart by lions. Any commas that jerk me around will cause me to be a little miffed.

Basically? Look over your commas. You’re putting them in the wrong places.


Originality: 10/20

So! The reason why I picked the writing prompt was because you could do so many things with it and I wanted to see what exactly you did with it. The quirkier and more offbeat it was, the better. You got points for having it be Poe... I completely forgot that writers could be great! And the whole imp writing poetry for Poe was interesting too. The main thing that lost you points here was you really didn’t make the imp very original, nor did you back it up with enough description to give us a feeling about where everything was. And yes, there are no formal categories that say, “Description” but I expect to have a feeling as to where this place exists.


Creativity: 6/20

Basically, in creativity, I wanted to see what you would do to make this writing prompt your own. Unfortunately, as you probably guessed, the majority of your writing wasn’t actually your own, and that’s what killed you here. That is, you can post entire poems in your story, yes, but if it’s just a block of Poe without any of your writing in it, it’s not very creative. Mind you, you did break it up a little, but only a little. The first part is why you got the points you did.


Internal Conflict: 3/15

Okay. She’s dead. He gets dictation from an imp and writes. The mental anguish of Poe’s and his suffering is completely neglected and narrative indicates that Poe thinks more of the imp’s ability as a gain rather than an outpouring of his soul. I did feel sorry for the imp though. He had to live with Poe.


External Conflict: 2/15

You get points because the thought of an imp whispering into an ear is awesome. Otherwise, there was no real external conflict. Just big blocks of poem and Poe saying, “Oh, wow, you’re awesome!”


Historical Accuracy: 5/5

Yay! Free gimme points!


Characters: 10/20

You would think that since I ranted about the conflicts that I hated the characters. But actually, I find the relationship between Poe and the imp intriguing and I really like the imp. Yes, there was no conflict and, because of that Poe was totally cardboard. But you definitely had intriguing concepts here.


So there’s your review!

Jared -

I didn't like this. I realize you were more or less forced into writing this, and that this is probably your first draft and I also realize that the prompt is pretty ridiculous, as well . So I'm sort of curious why you decided to post this here, instead of sending it to Snoink in private or something. It's rough and it's mostly a rehash of Poe's Annabell Lee, put to story form. There's nothing remotely original about it. The dialogue is flat and Poe is portrayed as weepy and weak (which could be true -- I don't know). You've most definately written better things.

Personally, I would drop this. But if you wanted to pursue it, I would inject a little more reality into Poe. Have him drinking his brains out; he did that a lot, right? Describe the setting. Is the ink leaving streaks on his fingers? How does he feel? Is this room candlelit? I would work on making the 'imp' a little more vague and less tangible -- more a figment of his imagination than a reality. Poe was an exceedingly dark person by nature. You haven't described him like that. You've described him as a heart sick romantic. This kind of story has only one purpose, and that is to convey an idea. When the idea is wishy-washy, then the whole shebang flops.

I skimmed through Llama Boy, too. Snoink's quiki-writes may be helping you, but they're more like sketches than real stories. I would use things like this as an exercise, and keep it under wraps on your hard-drive. Use things like this as metaphorical stretching before the big race (or the big story), instead of treating them seriously and posting them here.

As always, PM for any questions. Or if you just want to chat.

-Kylan

Hey, this is great stuff! I can't really find anything to nitpick so instead I shall praise your creativity. I love "Annabel Lee," but I would have never thought about it this way. You capture the emotion Poe probably felt when writing this poem very well. Just one thing: you might consider explaining about the imp a little more. We aren't really told where he came from or much about him. But still, this is great. I can't wait to read more.

Edgar Allen Poe rocks, doesn't he?

Hey Bear. Wonderful job. I have read Edgar Allen Poe's poems many times but would have never thought to write about him writing them this way.
~peanut~