Here comes Lee to drop off a quick review!
This piece is still in the Green Room, technically, so let's take it out.
To begin with, I enjoyed the rhyme scheme. Sometimes a poem can be held back by its rhyme, but that isn't so in this case. You've done a pretty good job here. I also like the vagueness in this poem; clearly the narrator is suffering somehow, but you haven't specified how, exactly. Leaving that to the readers can be tricky, seeing as how every reader will derive something unique, but since what I took away from this poem sat well with me, I'm going to say well done!
Now, allow me a few nitpicks.
Talking only in rhyme
Why?
Did you do this to me
Or was I destined for hell?
Clearly the person being addressed did hurt the narrator, so... unnecessary.
PUNCTUATION. This poem needs it. It really does. Every stanza would have so much more gravity and power with punctuation, in my opinion. And some parts are also confusing because it's tricky to figure out where one sentence begins and another ends.
I'm going to copy the whole poem, then add punctuation as I see fit, and remove capitalization; here goes.
Take away my freedom,
Lock me in a box;
Keep me against my will,
With a thousand locks.
Do you even care
what I say anymore?
Why must you sigh and tell me
you've heard it all before?
I'm feeling so alone now,
Just thinking all the time,
Trying to find a reason,
And talking in a rhyme.
Was I like this in the past?
Now I can't even tell.
Did you do this to me
Or was I destined for hell?
I also tweaked a few other bits. Anyway, overall this poem is pretty good, and I hope you're still writing, wherever you are!
- Lee
Points: 18564
Reviews: 278
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