Published August 24, 2011
Who are you
that I
should call you
"home,"
the blank nomenclature
of where we put to bed
all the things
not fit for the forum
of impermanent minds;
who, what
are you
that I should bump into you
in the virtual nothing
of a sidewalk café
and fall all my foggy way
"home"
to painful nudity,
so bare that I should wonder
if I had better call you
"skin"
than love?
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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
Hi there!
I really, really enjoyed reading this! It flowed really well and had a definite rhythm to it. You imagery was great and the emotion you put into it was good as well. As IcyFlame said, it was a little hard to follow, but that was only because of the way you wrote it. The structure of this poem forces the reader to focus on the words and the meaning behind them. Great job!
Keep writing!
P.S. I love your photo!
I really like it. I can understand what your trying to explain, and it flows well. A lot of poems I read feel to choppy to me, but you did really well with this. It's fairly short, simple, but very powerful. Wonderful job.
you have a great poem going on and all i can do is continue reading it..i had a little hard time following at first maybe due to the chosen words or structure..but reading it a second time was better. wonderful meaning!
I actually cannot review this! I was so entranced by your words that I lost myself a little and failed to notice any errors. When I read through it a second time, the same thing happened. It was hard to follow at times, but that was probably due to your choice of structure. It forces the reader to take pauses where there aren't usually any and is a very good technique for getting them thouroughly confused!
Well done, and a good message behind it.
Icy
-applauds- Bloody brilliant! Very good, you've proven that the biggest messages are often sent through the shortest of words. Brilliant job. Keep writing mate.
Wow, that's all I have to say. It's short but it says a lot with just those few lines. Really powerful, keep writing!!!(: