I know a man, who knows not of me,
He lived on the ocean, and used to pirate the sea.
Who upon the ship, the Caroline, he was killed at age thirty-three.
I was raised to think that men must be men.
To work and to raise the children and serve their country proud.
But when I heard of this man, whose life was of the extreme,
I found myself contemplating my own, although I cannot say why.
This man was king of the ocean wide and blue.
His ship would curdle blood, and his face’s gaze struck fear
Into the eyes of all who crossed him or strode too close by.
He stole, pillaged and thieved his way across the seven seas,
Young and very dangerous, yet wild and incredibly free,
His numerous and intricate adventures lasted ages, it seems,
As told by the townspeople to this very day.
He stole gold from the British, commandeered warships of the French,
And killed a price of Spain with only his fists.
He led battle after battle, and throughout his life’s short strife,
He cared only for his crew and his ship, the Caroline,
As if she were his one true love.
When a war vessel crossed him in the Caribbean Sea,
In the dark of night, while he slumbered,
Cannonballs ripped through his bride, and the blood of his
Men stained the water red.
They say he wept on the bow as the British boarded his ship.
He kissed the Caroline on the nose and whispered a short farewell.
Destined to die, he turned his pistol on himself,
And he faltered into the warm, deep abyss.
Into the home he had always known,
Dying young, but alongside the one he loved.
Now I must say, I envy this man, who made his legacy upon the sea
I could live for a hundred years, and yet my wish will continually be,
That I could live as this cunning pirate, for only thirty-three.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey Benjamin!
. Anyways I'll start off this review with what I liked about it, other than the fact I thought it was cool. My favourite thing about it is how it told a story, but still kept in a sort of poetic form. It's always cool when a poem can tell a story!
So I've never actually been a big fan of pirates really, but even I can't not say that this wasn't cool. I think cool is my best word to describe this, although it's not a very good adjective to use
Now for some suggestions, hmmm. Okay, I don't think I've ever said this in a poetry review before but I was a bit disappointed to find that not all of it rhymed. Rhyme doesn't always work it poetry, but I think here it would've been really effective because it's really suited to the topic of the poem and it's themes. I think it would also help with the flow of this a lot because in places it started to sound a bit off. Another thing is I' would've loved to have seen a few more descriptions here and there and maybe some more imagery! Poetry without imagery falls a bit loose, I mean this isn't the kind of poem that I'd expect to see loads of descriptions in, but a few odd bits here and there I think would really help it along. Just so the readers have more of an idea of what to picture when they're reading this.
Generally though, I thought this was a good poem. I think talking about pirates was a good move, and the fact it tells a story about this pirate is even better! Maybe you could take that idea of the story and make it even longer talking about more of this pirate's life- I think that would be quite cool! Anyways, I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review on anything.
Keep writing!
~ArcticMonkey x
Hello there!
that was a very vivid picture. I loved it!These are the things I liked about your poem:
-I love love love love looooove the story. I just love pirates in general and that's what attracted me to this. You told quite a good tale, I must say.
-You had some really good imagery, such as
-The mood was wonderful! I really got the sense that the italics guy had that plundering and adventure is really where it's at! I wanna go out and see the WORLD!
-One detail I really liked was his love to his ship. so much that he called it his wife. That was a unique detail I haven't really seen anywhere else, and I love the fact that he died next to his one true love. The whole love story was wonderful!
Some things I didn't like:
-In the italics, at the beginning you put down some rhyming. I was really getting into the groove of that, when suddenly, it didn't rhyme! D: In a lot of places I felt you *could* rhyme if you had tried. That would make this poem sooooo much cooler. Then you could put it to music and.... oh. too much? But seriously, think about rhyming! If you need help, rhyming is one of my specialties! You can pm me for help.
-again with rhyming, in the first italic part, your first two lines were wonderful, but the third line seemed too long, and it really threw off your rhythm. I was hoping "caroline" would be the end of the third line, and he could die at thirty nine or something.
-I did not like the italics. I was thinking that it was going to be in the pirate's perspective during the un-italicised parts, so I got really confused at first. I don't think the italics are necessary.
Altogether, this was a wonderful poem and it told a great story! Great job. keep writing!
~Fortis
Remer Strangelove here and I will be knocking your poem out of the green room!
First off, when I first read this poem I was absolutely blown away by the story. It is so well done and well told. First ever poem I have read about a pirate. If they were all like this I would have a good time reading these types of poems
Pros: How you told the story and the idea. I was impressed as this has a story like a short story. I never knew a pirate would actually take his life. I do like the personal input in this like
That I really do like
Cons: It was a little bit hard to read at some parts, but overall it was good.
Overall: Really good job. I would love to read some more of your work
Remer Strangelove gives you..
7.2/10
Goooooood job
Keep writing
Hi there Sir Benjamin!
It's Charley here to review your poem!
I really like it I must say, I'd love to know where you got the idea from?
I loved how you started off, it was so captivating right at the start:
'I know a man, who knows not of me,
He lived on the ocean, and used to pirate the sea.
Who upon the ship, the Caroline, he was killed at age thirty-three.'
It tells us a lot about the man that this person is talking about already, and it ryhmes too, I don't know if that was intentional or not? But still it's great!
'He stole gold from the British, commandeered warships of the French,
And killed a price of Spain with only his fists.
He led battle after battle, and throughout his life’s short strife,
He cared only for his crew and his ship, the Caroline,
As if she were his one true love.'
I love that bit, it's probably my favourite part because it tells us how much he cared for his ship and his crew and no-one else (which is expected from a pirate of course).
You set this out very well, I don't think I found one fault in there so I don't have any complaints.
'Dying young, but alongside the one he loved.'
This is such a great sentence, so full of honesty, there was obviously no woman but his ship in his life. He wouldn't care for another but the ship 'Caroline' (and his crew).
And when at the end he envies the pirate who lived upon the sea, its just so great. The pirate has inspired him to do something so outrageous and exciting! You did such a great job here, well done.
I know i probably didn't help with anything but still, this was amazing!
Keep it up! xx
Hey Charley! Just a piece of advice: when you quote the text from the story/poem, I suggest using the quote tags ([quote] [ /quote]) because it makes it easier to read.