Published May 27, 2012
A life time ago
We were friends
A lifetime ago
We were near
A lifetime ago
We were dear
A day ago
We fell
A day ago
We lost
A day ago
All was not
And now
We are dead
And now
We are in new beds
And now
We are at our ends.
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141,369 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
I like the poem since the reader can be easily connected emotionally to it and it is simple and delightful to read. There are hidden symbols but still that doesn't make it complicated which is really good for poetry in my opinion
Hello, Ben! Rosie here to review this piece!
I'm perfectly in love with every word of this. I only say that about a very select few poems, but I'm going to say it more than once about this one. It's pure genius.
I've read quite a few repetitious poems. Most of them end up becoming overly repetitive, driving in a point that's already clear. But you used repetition effectively and interestingly by keeping a repetitive feel but switching up the words, bringing the attention back to the point you wanted to make. It's beautiful.
Maybe I love this so much because I identify with every word of it. The only criticism I have concerning this has nothing to do with how you worded it; actually, it's just a nitpick. I know many poets are against the use of punctuation in their poems, but I don't get that feeling from you because you used a period at the very end of this. If I had any criticism, it would be to introduce punctuation throughout your poem, like this:
"A life time ago,
We were friends,
A lifetime
We were near."
All in all, great work! I look forward to reading more from you.
-Rosie
Thank you for taking the time to review this poem Rosie! It's always good to hear some constructive criticism, and I'm glad that you liked the poem. It's one that actually came from a personal experience, not on a completely literal level of course but still, it did mean a lot to me.
It's interesting that you mention punctuation because in some ways I see both sides of the argument for poets. Really, all I'm in the middle of the subject because I think it works on some poems but not for others. Just certain soundtracks work on certain films, I feel that grammar and punctuation work on certain poems.
Anyways, I completely agree with you on the comment now that I had time to sit back and think of things about the poem. In fact, the comma might even add a sense of drama in a way.
I do have a question, one which may seem silly but I;ll still ask it. In the first third of the poem, when the person who is remembering about events long past says says "A life time ago, We were friends, a lifetime we were near." I actually meant to type A life time ago we were near into that line as well, but I was too tired to notice that and left it out. Upon reading it with both versions in mind, I think they work on equal levels. I want to know, in your opinion though what works better, this:
"A life time ago,
We were friends,
A lifetime
We were near."
Or this:
"A life time ago,
We were friends,
A lifetime ago
We were near."
Again, thank you for reading and taking the time to review this poem.
-Ben Dietz
Hey, Ben!
Actually, the original way you wrote it was probably my favorite part of the entire thing. Whether or not it was merely a slip-up, it's genius. i feel like you're looking back on a lost relationship and mourning its downfall, but you're not whining. You're just... remembering. If I were you, I'd keep it just the beautiful way it is.
-Rosie