Young Writers Society

Hello, Belle. A very short review.
First of all, but it's not your fault, I'm beginning to hate poems, mangas, movies and novels about amnesia. It's been done, and done, and done.
I actually liked those three questions in the beginning. They got everyone nicely confused. But, then, you started bringing in memories, introducing a past tense into your present and I think it was a mistake. Too narrative. Though your descriptions were good, they could have been more gripping.
In all fairness, I was prejudiced against this poem. I will have to read something else of yours.

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

So I see that you're new to the site, and I welcome you! That's not the reason I'm here, though, I'm here to critique your work. The first aspect of the piece that I noticed is the lack of diversity in regards to the punctuation in places. Sometimes you have periods or question marks for lines in a row, and I'd like to see that spiced up.

Another aspect of the poem that I noticed early on is that you choose to capitalize every first letter of every first line. I'm not saying that it can't be this way, because it is your stylistic choice, instead I want to ask your reasoning as to why you've done this. I don't see it as necessary, but if you're able to explain why it's beneficial to the piece, I'm willing to listen. Otherwise, I can't see it adding anything more.

Diving more into the actual content of the piece, I found this to be overall vague. I'd like more context as to where we are in the poem. I get the idea that the speaker is feeling lost or forgotten, as the title suggests, but I believe that it would be beneficial if you added more of an atmosphere. More imagery in regards to where the speaker is. Are they alone in an empty room? Sullen or completely distant in a public place? While this isn't completely necessary, it would add more to the piece itself to help flesh it out. We as the readers don't get to know why the speaker is feeling this way.

I'm not against poems that let the reader fill in the shoes of the speaker, or poems that let the reader make their own mold of what the meaning is supposed to be, but I at least want more of a lead as to who the speaker is, and what caused these emotions. It doesn't seem that they have been forgotten, but they've forgotten where they were. And this is perfectly acceptable. Perhaps in glimpses you could show the reader bits of context, and that would be enough.

Finally, the poem overall, needs fleshed out and revision. You have a start as to where you want to go with it, but I'd like to see the usage of imagery added along with editing in regards to the flow, which is rather choppy. What I mean by that is how it's read, and how smoothly it can be read. It's not only that, but the structure and aesthetic of the piece. Speaking of that much, I suggest reading the poem aloud to see where these parts are, but I did enjoy this piece for the atmosphere and overall emotion that it gives off, I just want a bit more content.

The ending is especially strong in that it gives off that feeling of amnesia, and if you want the piece to simply do that much, then you've succeeded. I just wanted to know more about how this happened--it seems as if it may have been a traumatic experience that the speaker's blocked off in their mind, or maybe they're in a hospital from some incident happening to them medically. That's where I want more content, though this piece does well in the areas it does well.

The opening, the imagery or sensory detail, the context in which the speaker forgets, the content, the flow, and how much you want to give away about the speaker are all aspects you may want to take into account when editing, because I can see this as becoming even stronger with polish.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

This review courtesy of

Ay there, Belle!

Diving right into your piece, I want to praise you for your highly vivid imagery of nebulous concepts, giving the reader this feeling of really floating out there in this void of black with splashes of unexplained colored light just patrolling the cosmic void, surrounding us and watching us, almost. It's a really trippy experience, and I loved it.

The issues arise when you finish the poem and go about wondering what the narrative was, rather than the experience; but it made me reflect on poetry as a whole: between "do we need a narrative and a point as long as it makes the reader feel something?" and "DIDN'T I feel something by being transported to that place of peace and almost mysticality through your imagery. Suffice it to say your poem woke me up.

I still think that narratives are useful and powerful, that emotions and sentiments are powerful and useful, but your poem stands up on its own with powerful imagery that is transcendent when I close my eyes and bring it to mind.

My remaining critique would be in regards to the opening. It wasn't a smooth intro or a strong hook, but rather a list of questions that didn't really do much for the departure into the voidal space. Experiment with this area and see if you can discover a better way to ease us into embracing the poem. I'd much rather a whispered, smooth intro than a hook in this instance, personally.

I hope these notes help. Definitely keep writing.
Ty