Young Writers Society

It's a little difficult to review it without it being here, but I would like to say I thought the emotions in this piece were strong and very apparent as you read it. I loved your poem. I found it easy to relate to and very moving. You do better than me reading poetry.
Keep Writing,
Bel

Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate your thoughts, though a lot of them are criticisms I've already given myself.

A lot of your comments all come down to me being beyond nervous. See, the first time I performed this piece in one of our practice sessions, I couldn't make it through without crying. It took so much work to get to the point where I could read it in front of a room full of strangers (practice session with the literary magazine gang was literally my closest friends and favorite teacher) that I never got down the memorization as while as I would have liked to. Which then inhibited my motion.

I have a lot to work on when it comes to nerves.

I had meant to fluctuate my emotions more in the poem, so that I had high and low points, and not just that one on going high.I think I just sort of...lost it? It's hard to explain - I guess the emotion of the piece took over.

I'm so glad you liked it though! And thanks again for the review I'd love to find a reason to perform this again someday.

(and if I ever get the transcript up, I'll let you know)

<3
Bella

Hi Great piece. Fabulous message and composition. I liked the repetition of 'even with you gone'.

Without the transcription (which I haven't yet been bothered to write out myself) it's difficult to critique the actual piece. Instead, I have a few things to say that might help your performance.

First, I think you could have a little more charisma. Fill the room with your presence. There are a number of ways to do this. Try gripping the lectern, standing up very straight and pulling your shoulderblades together, make gestures with your hands at points of high emotion or to add emphasis to a word or phrase, know your material well enough to not have to constantly read from your notes, and use exaggerated facial expressions. Watch a really good politician, and take notes. Reciting a poem, especially in a competition, talent show, etc. is equal parts poetry and acting. You must sell your work; don't read your poem, perform your poem. Do you know what I mean?

Second, some of your lines are a little jumbled. Sometimes you speak too fast, which muddies your diction. I had to listen to it twice to make sure I'd heard it right. A good trick if you're nervous: recite the first few lines in your head at the speed you'd normally read it, and find your pulse (by clicking your fingers, tapping your heel, whatever). Then take this speed and slow it down a little. Then deliver your poem. It's natural to speed up when you're nervous, so if you start slower than normal, you should be ok. I play jazz, and I use this trick all the time. Works a treat.

Third, I think you hit your emotional peak too soon. You went from fairly subdued to vehement within the first few lines. This left you nowhere to go but back down. In jazz, you never play your best lines at the beginning of a solo. If you do, all your other lines will sound bad, because they can't live up to the first one. You've got to gradually work up to your blazing lines. Same concept with your delivery. Pick a point in the poem that will be your emotional peak. Every other degree of emotion should have the purpose of building up to, complimenting, and adding to the moment when you hit this peak. This means your audience will be much more affected by the emotions you convey. You might love pizza, but if you always ate pizza you'd get sick of it, right? If your whole piece is fiery passion from first word to last, your audience will become lost and unresponsive. When conveying emotions, less is more. Pick a few crucial moments for high emotion, and only cut loose then.

I hope this helps

K.