"...Please, don't leave me"

“No. Stop it, Zach. Just leave me alone,” I say, pulling my hand from his “I just need to be alone. Go away.”

“Roxanne, listen please,” Zach pleads, trying to grab a hold of my hand.

“No Zach,” I say, my words like ice. “YOU listen. Leave me alone. I’m done with this crap. Just go away.”

The look on his face makes me waver for a second, and then I remember. Before I can change my mind or do something that would cause my heart-breaking plan to fall short of the pain he needs to feel in order to never want to see me again, I turn my back on him, and I walk slowly to my car; the tears coming more freely.

“Roxanne. Stop.” Zach pleads, his eyes smoldering, but I keep on walking, trying not to sob at the pain that’s evident in his voice. “Roxanne, please,” he sobs. “I’m sorry Zach” I whisper, opening my car “but I have to do this. Goodbye.”

“No.” he says, his voice stronger then it was before. “No. You can’t leave. You can’t,” when he starts to run towards my car, I slam the door, and try to start my truck. “Roxanne, stop!” Zach yells, pounding on my window. “Don’t leave! You can’t leave!”

The tears in my eyes blur my vision as I struggle to keep my resolve to just leave. It would be a whole lot easier if my truck would just start. “Just stop, Zach! You’re making this harder than it has to be! Just go home.” I shout over his sobs.

“Roxanne!” Zach yells, his voice drowning in his pain, “Roxanne!” he pleads again when I don’t answer him, pounding on my window. I try to start my truck again, but it refuses to cooperate.

“Roxanne, just hear me out, just listen,” he pleads, his voice revealing how desperate he is. “You don’t want to do this! Roxanne!” he screams, slamming his fist into my window.

The tears come at an alarming rate, and I’ve gone from just crying to sobbing, my shoulders heaving, I can barely breathe, it feels like there’s a weight crushing my heart. My breath comes in gasps and I have to squeeze my eyes shut, the pain is just too much. The weight on my heart doubles in size. How is that possible?!? How can one person make me feel like this? Why is it so hard to leave?!

By now, Zach can barely talk, he’s leaning on the side of my car, sobbing. “Roxanne, please, please don’t leave me! I’ll do better! I promise! I know I’ve treated you like crap, but just please! Stay with me! I need you; you’re the only good thing in my life right now. If you leave I don’t know what I’ll do. I need you. Just please. I—,” but his voice breaks, leaving him unable to speak. I didn’t know it was possible, but his eyes hold so much pain that I forget why I’m doing this. How can I do something so evil? By now, the pain I felt in my heart has spread all over, causing me emotional as well as physical pain.

I try to ignore the weight in my heart, the tears blurring my vision; I try to ignore Zach’s sobs. I finally get the truck to start, and it causes me to hyperventilate. Is this what I want? Do I just want to leave Zach like this? I know the answer, but I try to tell myself it’s just the pain talking. I have to leave.

I look out of my window and into Zach’s pleading, sorrow-filled eyes. I see something else, something...more. Whatever I see there drives me to throw open my door and throw myself into Zach’s arms, where I shudder uncontrollably, my sobs racking my whole body, and just melt into him. Feeling safe in his arms. We belong together.

When I look into his eyes, I feel at home, as if nothing can ever go wrong. Why would I leave?

“Roxanne,” Zach whispers into my hair, his tears falling onto my forehead, trickling down into my eyes to merge with mine. “Oh Zach” I whisper, burying my head in his shoulder.

What am I doing?

This isn’t supposed to happen!

Even though I almost die from it, I push Zach away and jump into my still running truck. Zach’s surprise gives me about two seconds to slam the door shut and fumble with my seatbelt until I hear it click, ignoring the fresh wave of hurt wash over his face. I just broke his heart, and mine again. His arms are reaching towards me, his mouth open, as if to start begging me to stay with him again.

“I’m sorry Zach,” I scream, hitting my steering wheel “I just can’t!”

“Roxanne, wait! NO please!” his voice causing me physical pain.

My eyes burn, my heart is heavier than I ever thought possible, and my whole body aching to just run to him again, but I close my eyes and drive out of the parking lot, my whole body racking with my sobs, mixed with myself condemnation for doing this to Zach.

“ROXANNE!” Zach yells, racing to catch up with my truck. “Roxanne! Please! Don’t leave me! I love you!”

My heart explodes.

I stop the truck, the tires squealing in protest.

I thought that it wasn’t possible to feel any worse than I was feeling but I was wrong.

“Oh Zach,” I whisper, my voice breaking.

I squeeze my eyes shut, breathe through my nose and a strange calm settles over me.

I look in my review mirror, and I see Zach looking at me hopefully, he thinks I’ll stop the car and race out to him.

Well, life isn’t a movie.

I take a deep breath, and drive away, sobbing the whole time.