She rode her bike up to the old abandoned library. For some odd reason she always had been fond of old abandoned places. Her phone buzzed but she ignored it. She said. BAM! My book fell into her lap. It has no title and all the pages are blank. It is a book that has not been written yet. She coughed and looked at the book baffled. Finally my time has come. Wwwwoooshh. Suddenly she was sucked into the book. “AHHHHH someone help me!” She screamed. She then attempted to grab the desk next her. Though resistance is futile.
Hello! “Who are you? Where am I?” She asked with a shaky voice filled with uncertainty. “Well this may sound a little farfetched but you are in my or should I say our book” I say with a smile on my face that goes from ear to ear. She doesn’t say anything for a considerable amount of time. During the silence I examine her she was wearing a plain gray sweater with a mint green chevron scarf. Knee high leather boots and dark denim jeans. I hate to admit it but I was a little disappointed. I imagined my author to be an artist with one of those messy bun, paint all over their clothes and carrying around a book sack full of art supplies. This girl was so ordinary.
“So how do I get out of this book?” She says. “Isn’t it obvious you must make a story finish the book.” I say. “Let me explain who I am to you.” I say ready to read the speech I had prepared many years ago. “Hello, you are probably wondering who I am. I am the storyteller. My job is sounds very simple but it is actually quite difficult. You, the author has an idea but I am the one who tells it I take them through their ideas and make them better. You must make a story and I am your guide through it.” I say whilst giving myself a pat on the back for not messing up.
“Where are the camera’s this is a prank or some kind of joke this is something out of a fairy tale.” She says searching around the blank page for an answer. “AND WOULD YOU STOP DOING THAT!” She screams. “Doing what?” I ask tilting my head slightly to the side. “Commentating on everything I do like she says dramatically!” She says dramatically. “I have to tell the story this is part of the story this is the prologue in my point of view the rest of the story will be like a normal book with side notes from you and I. This will go on until the story is over.”
She looks around one more time still looking for an exit or from someone to come out of a nonexistent bush with a camera crew. “Let’s get started then.” She laughed. Finally I can fulfill my dream.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Well, this was a really interesting little prologue here, I've certainly never seen anything of this type before, and as an added bonus not only was this pretty interesting, it was also quite funny in some places which is a lovely addition.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well...that's interesting...a book just happens to fall on an unsuspecting person and then just suck them in, while I've seen plenty of people get sucked into books in stories, I've never seen a book get started with the owner of the book describing someone get kidnapped via book, well this is about to get really interesting.
OKay....well...that's a relatively creative way to get the character described there, although I have to admit it still comes out horribly forced sounding, its just the way its phrased I think, it just sounds really scripted. You wanna make descriptions just a touch smoother than this if its to fit seamlessly into the story itself. And well, on the other hand, the mention of it being their book, rather that just the one who's doing the kidnapping is certainly a very interesting detail.
OKay...well..that sounds like an interesting job...is there anyway that we could hire this guy...cause someone like that sounds super helpful for situations like writer's block. That aside though, this sounds like a pretty cool little story here...and well...that certainly does manage to come across brilliantly like a rehearsed speech...
xD....I love the reaction from the girl...that sounds exactly how someone might react to a crazy statement these days, and its just brilliant with the touches of how all this description is just being read out to her...ahh..well this prologue became hilarious in a way that I was totally not expecting it to get.
OKay...well this is a very unique little prologue here at any rate. I can safely say that I've never ever run into something quite like this one...and honestly I would read this...after seeing this as the prologue.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this was a wonderful little prologue, certainly ticks most of the boxes you would expect and its definitely the kind of story I would continue reading.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This was a story with a very interesting premise, though I did wish it was executed better than it was. Though I haven't seen the rest of the book, I can tell that it shouldn't be a prologue here, but the first chapter--not only does it not stand alone as a story, it continues onward to the first chapter, which it really doesn't need to. Unless you're going to do something clever like "Oh, the first chapter of the story is the Storyteller telling the story," I think you ought to change this from a prologue to the first chapter.
Now, onto some of the mistakes I found.
-Onomatopoiea
Onomatopoeias are tricky business. Generally, they're hard to execute well because it often feels like the author is just using it as a way to avoid describing what actually happened. This isn't a comic book--try and use words more, not sounds.
You need a transitional comma or a semicolon in there, love. I think a semicolon would work better, or better yet, just split the sentences with a period.
Try and make this into a sentence of it's own that ends with a question mark. It is question, after all.
Delete the unnecessary 'is'.
Now, let's talk about the execution overall. I liked your dialogue, it actually sounds like real people talking, but the problem is while your dialogue is great your characterization and structure is...troublesome. For one, you use a lot of telling, not showing. You don't show us that the book has not been written yet, you tell us, which causes the dramatic points to go down a bit. Try showing more than telling next time.
Also, let's talk about the characterization. I don't know this girl's character, but I'm pretty sure no sane human being would be very accepting of the situation at the end. Sure, she argues a bit, but the fact that she's laughing either suggests she's not taking this situation seriously or she's insane. Either way, I don't believe it. Try and have her be accepting of the situation, but in a very un-accepting way--"Fine," she groaned, crossing her arms angrily, "Let's just get this over with. I need to get back to dinner." That sort of thing.
Anyway, good job on this one.
Signing out,
--EM.
Hey, Dankmemelord here!
Praise: This is a really interesting and unique story! I enjoyed reading this it was very entertaining.
Grammar: In the second line you say "Her phone buzzed but she ignored it. She said. " this doesn't really make sense and you need to either get rid of
Suggestion: In the second line you say "Her phone buzzed but she ignored it." I think that this is a very unnecessary sentence and you should think about deleting it.
Overall, I thought that this was an interesting idea and I am exited for the first chapter and I can't wait to read and review more of your work!
Bye, Have a nice day!
-Dankmemelord