Goodbye

I am so moved with this. Your poem is short and yet it is so meaningful. It describes exactly how a person could feel after losing that someone that they love.

However, forever does not end with death. The one who died can love you even after life, and will continue to love you more once you're together again.

I am assuming that you're a guy because of your username, but you can correct me if otherwise.

Do not be saddened that she died, at least she lived her last minutes being with you. And she will not leave you for she will always be with you.. there in your heart and mind.

Wow, this was so... so powerful. I absolutely loved it, but it was a little hard to read in some places.

1) "But you died and I cried" This seemed a little short and didn't flow as well as everything else. Maybe you should insert another word to even it out a bit. Maybe a "But you died and therefore I cried"

2) "I'm the monster and no one loves me" To be honest I don't really understand this part? why is she a monster and why does no one love her? is it because she's the monster?

3) My favorite part "I didn't want that day to be our last/But now I'll try to escape my past" (maybe change that "but" to a "and"?)

Keep writing and keep on smiling!
~RagingLive for the Blue Moons

Hi my name is Mem and I'm here to review on this wonderful day


Wow, This poem is beauiful. I love the emotion you put into it. I do have a few nitpicks though.

Im going to guess this was written for someone you loved and lost? If im wrong I apologise.

You say you're trying to escape your past, and I'm assuming it's because you think that your a Monster and that no one loves you. Well Belle fell in love with the beast did she not?

I'm the monster and no one loves me

I'm torn! I really want to know what the speaker is a monster and what happened on thier last day together! However, I don't think they should be added because then it takes away...a sort of essence away from the poem.

There are a few changes I would suggest.
"Please stay here, I scream and plea"
I think "Please stay here! I scream and I plea" conveys the heartbrokeness of it all much better. To put that repetitive 'I' in there shows the reader that the speaker is still on earth and they are alone.
Next, "I loved you but my heart is shattered"
Shouldn't it be 'love' instead of 'loved'? because obviously he/she is still in love with whoever passed on.

Lovely poem!

ok, could come off better to the reader if you replace first person point of view with second person point of view example : I loved you but my heart is shattered into, You loved him/her but your heart is shattered. makes it more relatable for the reader.

This is a really good poem, which a very nice rhythm. Instead of nit-picking and explaining, I just wrote in the changes that I thought would improve the poem.

You don't have to accept the changes. It's what I would do, but isn't required. It's already awesome.

I wrote in the # of syllables at the end of each line. The suggestions are in parentheses.