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16+ Language

Robin's First Kiss

by Baezel

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

(I'll put some context at the bottom of the story- Baezel)

The teacher on Lunch Duty let out a sigh when Jake and his friends walked up to where Robin was sitting.

“Oi, birdy, what’s up with your lunch?” Jake said. Three of his friends rolled their eyes while one handed money over to another, having lost a bet.

Robin swung around in his chair. “I don’t know, dirt-boy. Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong with my lunch?”

“I’d say it looks like dog-shit but my dog’s classier than that.”

Robin raised an eyebrow. “Then your dog’s the classiest thing in your family, and he licks his own balls.”

“I’d say every dog does, but I don’t think you’re that flexible.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Robin dared.

Despite all of his friends now having moved on, Jake made a great deal of rolling his eyes and scoffing. “Sure, if I had a camera on me at the time. I can picture it now: “Local Boy Breaks Spine Trying to Suck Peach Crayola.”

Robin tapped his chin dramatically, and hummed. “Maybe you’re right, I’m not that flexible. Looks like you’d have to get it for me, dirt-boy.”

Jake raised both eyebrows, not having been blessed with the gene to lift only one. “Fuck you, birdy, I ain’t no charity worker.”

Robin stood up, until they were nearly chest to chest. “No? I thought you gave all your money to charity- or are you just poor?”

“Wow, real smart, birdy. As if you’re any better, getting that bitch of yours to pay for everything.”

Robin quirked his head. “Joan? Why, Jake, are you jealous?”

Jake laughed. “Of you? Is the mountain jealous of the pile of shit?”

“Damn, dirt-boy, you should be a poet.” Robin leaned close. “But no, Jake, what I meant was are you jealous of Joan?”

Jake jerked his head back and made a coughing sound. “Uh? No? Why would I be jealous of Joan. Why’d I want to babysit you all the time?”

Robin sat back in his chair, a smile on his face. “I’m offended, I thought you liked spending time with me, dirt-boy.”

“I’ll show you how much I like it, birdy. You, me, after school, at the scrappy’s. I’ll pummel you.” Jake pushed his shoulders up, chin raised, and Robin laughed.

A student sitting opposite them peered at them, then at her friend, her expression scrunched into utter confusion.

“I look forward to it, then, dirt-boy," said Robin.

“What, you not going to do anything? Show off your flimsy punches in front of a crowd?” Jake quipped.

“Nah, wouldn’t want to tire you out before tonight.” Robin smirked and turned back to his food.

Jake laughed, and sauntered towards his friends. “Enjoy your dog shit,” he called back.

“Will do,” Robin replied.

The teacher arrived at Robin’s side and said in a resigned tone, “I hope you aren’t starting fights, Mr. Brown.”

Robin dug into his lunch with gusto, and didn’t bother looking up to say, “And I’d hope you’d teach something interesting someday, Mrs. Smith, but I’ve learnt better in the past three years of your bullshit.”

Mrs. Smith, who was having a very bad day, pursed her lips and walked away, shoulders bunched up.

Robin didn’t share any classes with Jake for the rest of the day, much to his disappointment, and survived double English only by texting Joan, who was lucky enough to have a free period.

Moan: Did you get into another fight?

The Brat: No

Moan: That was rhetorical

The Brat: No it wasnt. if it was then it wouldve provoked me to think

Moan: Robin

The Brat: Joan

Moan: Then why is everyone talking about you and Jake Claylands getting into a fight?

The Brat: Cause we arranger one

The Brat: arranged*

Moan: You arranged a fight.

The Brat: Thats what i just said

Moan: Why did you start a fight with Jake this time?

The Brat: Correction: I didnt start it

Moan: I sweat to god, Robin, if you don’t stop fucking around right at this minute I’ll throw all your candles and scent-y stuff in the bin.

The Brat: JOAN

The Brat: NO


The Brat: Also why you sweating to god, what has He done to you?

Moan: Say bye to ‘Winter Orchid’


The Brat: He said the homemade meal my mum made looked disgusting, then called me a dog. He also said that if he ever got them, he would publish nudes of me, which, as you know, could ruin any chances I hoped of for further education, which would honestly ruin my life. I couldn’t imagine living without the hope of furthering my knowledge.

Moan: Robin, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know it was that serious. You better fuck him up okay? And I swear to god, when I see him in geography, I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.

The Brat: Thanks, Joan :)

The Brat: gtg now, Mr Ryce is saying something interesting

Moan: Alright, have fun :) and don’t forget to make him bleed.

Moan: Robin, Jake told me what really happened

Moan: Robin answer me

Moan: Robin I swear to god

An hour later, Robin threw his bike to the muddy ground, running up to Jake.

“Where are your cronies?” he called.

Jake saw him and grinned. “They had better things to do than waste time with shit like you.”

The October sun was already low in the sky, and the old pieces of cars and machinery cast eerie shadows.

“What? So no one gets to see your face after I’m finished with you?” Robin exclaimed in mock horror. “That's such a shame.”

Jake shrugged off his jacket. “Looks like we’re alone, unless one of your mums followed us.”

Robin followed suit, letting his jumper fall to the ground. “My mums won’t know about this until your crying so loud it echoes across the town.”

“Then how did one of them know to confront me in geography? Didn’t realise she had some bite to her. She told me a cute little tale,” Jake said.

“Yeah? And what would that be?”

The circled each other like one might in a real fight, but then Jake tripped over a gear box, and the mood was lost.

Jake righted himself, pretending to shrug. “Just a little tale about me calling you names, ruining your life, driving you to suicide.”

Robin nodded. “Oh yeah, I think I’ve heard that before. Nudes, wasn’t it? Wonder how you got those.”

Jake raised his eyebrows. “That’s exactly what I was thinking.”

Robin hummed. “Well, I wouldn’t send them to any of your friends.”

Jake stepped in closer, until a few steps would bring them to hitting distance. “And you wouldn’t send them to me.”

Robin, who did have the gene, wiggled his brows, laughing at Jakes soured expression. “The only logical conclusion is that you paid for them, right?”

“Something that worthless? Why would I throw money away like that?”

Robin hopped the final steps, close enough to punch him, but he didn’t make the first hit until saying:

“Well, that really depends. Have you found your charitable soul yet?”

Jake’s expression of surprise was wiped away with Robin’s fist. Jake yelled, “Fuck!” before slamming a hit into Robin’s shoulder.

Robin laughed and Jake looked at him in amazement. “You’re a real freak, birdy.”

“The correct term’s ‘Adrenaline Junkie’, I believe,” Robin said.

The fight continued for less than a minute; longer than usual because neither of their hearts were really in it.

It ended when Jake jabbed beneath Robin’s ribs, and he curled over. His gasps turned to laughs, stopping him from standing back up.

“That the best you got, birdy?” said Jake, pulling him up by his shirt.

Robin leaned in close to Jake, a scene so similar to the lunch hall, only now their chests were touching, and Robin hadn’t quite recovered his breath. “Maybe, Jake. Have you found your charitable soul yet?”

Jake’s face did something funny, and he coughed out, “Maybe.”

Robin blinked. “Damn, dirt-boy, I knew you were putting up a weak case.”

“Maybe I’ll just take any opportunity to fight you,” counted Jake.

“Maybe,” agreed Robin. “But didn’t you say you’ve found your charitable soul? So why don’t you let me go?”

“Why don’t I?” murmured Jake, which Robin thought was a rhetorical question.

Robin jerked his head back when Jake kissed him, a knee-jerk reaction.

Jake flushed but still managed to snap out, “What, chickening out now, birdy?”

Robin considered the past few minutes, then considered Jake, who, despite having his chin raised defiantly and hands curled into a fist, refused to meet Robin’s eyes.

“Fuck no,” laughed Robin, then pulled Jake into a considerably better kiss.

(Context: Robin is character of mine who's backstory I was fleshing out, and I was so amused by his first kiss story that I decided to write it, wasting a while of my life. He's an angry nerd, as in he looks like a thug and acts a lot like one too, but is primarily a nerd, devouring nonfiction books and watching documentaries, etc. He loves scented things like candles and insense sticks. Joan is his (only) friend who is Tired Of His Shit and sees him as a whiny brat (hence his contact name). She is rich. Jake is a character I literally just made up for the purpose of this idea.)

(In all seriousness, this isn't a good first kiss. Please don't go beating people up.)

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41 Reviews

Points: 2856
Reviews: 41

Sun Jan 29, 2017 3:38 am
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SteppeVesteffi wrote a review...


Oh wow, this is fantastic.

I love, love, love your writing style; the way this story is written is just perfect. It feels very realistic—from the text conversation to Robin and Jake's relationship—and hilarious as well. Also, the way you've woven comedy throughout this piece is seamless and subtle and brilliant.

To me, I don't think any context is necessary. I believe most readers will be able to put the pieces together, and I don't think we need to know why Joan's called Moan in her texts or why Robin's called The Brat. I like that we get to fill in those gaps ourselves; spoon-feeding readers is vastly overrated.

It's so rare to see a story that actually has kids acting like kids, interacting with one another the way they actually interact in real life, and not in that John Green, pretentious type way. Even stories written by young writers, surprisingly, tend to have their kids and teens behaving like adults—but one thing you nailed is that these characters feel real. The way they interact is true to life and relatable (and very funny as well).

I know you said Robin is from a whole other story of yours and this piece was just a way to flesh him out, but I gotta say, I think this is a great standalone short story. It's perfectly written and immensely entertaining. I'm so glad you posted it.

We only get a snapshot of the characters, but they're very memorable and very distinct. Honestly, to me, this reads like a scene from a published YA novel—only better, because of the aforementioned published-works-don't-capture-kids-realistically comment. This is just so, so good. I have nothing to say other than that.

Oh, and also, two stupid nitpicks:

“Sure, if I had a camera on me at the time. I can picture it now: “Local Boy Breaks Spine Trying to Suck Peach Crayola.”

Should be:
“Sure, if I had a camera on me at the time. I can picture it now: 'Local Boy Breaks Spine Trying to Suck Peach Crayola.'"
(Or you can get rid of the quotes-within-quotes altogether and just italicize that bit.)

laughing at Jakes soured expression.

Should be "Jake's," with an apostrophe.

So overall, this was amazing. Funny, heartfelt, charming, realistic, and with great characters. You're an awesome writer. 'Nuff said.

Well done!

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26 Reviews

Points: 160
Reviews: 26

Wed Jan 11, 2017 8:17 am
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alexblackwell wrote a review...

Hey there Baezel,
This story is okay. I mean, it is better than okay.
Why is Joan called' moan'? Was it intentional? I could not figure that one out.
I would have liked it more if the kiss was described. The title suggested the kiss and it should have had more of it.
I like how you made corrections in the chats of Robin and 'Moan'. It gave a feeling of the scene being real.
''him as a whiny brat (hence his contact name)...'' I just saw that. I would rather put it in the prologue.
So is this a snip-off of a bigger story? I am curious about that.
Also, I don't think anyone will talk to a teacher that ways, so maybe tweak it up a bit to make a more realistic.
So off for now. Looking forward to reading more stories from you.

Have a good day!
Alex Blackwell.

Baezel says...

Thank you! Not much of this story makes much sense, even with the added context at the end. It isn't part of a larger story, but the backstory to a character which just made me laugh so I wrote it. Their contact names are what they have for each other: Robin sees Joan as a worry-wort, Joan sees Robin as an arrogant brat. And you're right, it isn't exactly realistic for Robin to reply to a teacher like that, but I tend to write characters with one extreme attribute, and Robin's is his arrogance. He's problematic, okay?

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
— Marcel Proust