Boredom Song (with 1/2 tsp love)

Fuck a rhyme;
I've never been good at that.
Maybe an internal one popped up sometimes - but I wouldn't take responsibility for an accident --

Fuck structure -
I think it's rearing its ugly head again -
But I never invited it
(go away). That's what I say most, anyway. Go away.

I won't ask you to stay, but
I loved you
I loved you in my way and I want to keep doing that.
I loved you in my day and I want to stay there
and be that
which you stay with,
although I think our conversations are placid and they bore me to death sometimes -
stay here.
Although you feel pressured by my intensity
weather it out.

It's just a sudden bout.

It's just something to jump.
It's just something to play in slow-motion and watch the explosions and the
heat
not melt the screen.

Or ever let itself be seen.
I mean, maybe we should break up.
Ater all,
I love you despite your apparent indifference,
and that's really bad for me
and means I keep comparing you to what you used to be
and myself to what I never let you see - and -

you
don't like to be put under pressure while I am a fermenting vessel of good spicy beer,
always producing more gasses.

Godsend, that sent me away from you?
That made me pray and snivel and tought me my own disgrace by your hand?
Or a miscalculated mis-step
that took the ticking bomb and put a match to it.

I don't know.

I mean, I know this is a fucking awful poem, but other than that,
as it always goes,
I'll probably just let things be
so I can watch an explosion in slow-motion
and hopefully feel the heat.