Published March 5, 2013
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137,433 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Here to review!
My name is Quest, and I will be reviewing this fine piece of work for you today, because it is Review day, and I want to knock this out of the Green Room, because somebody has to, y'know?
So the first thing I noticed was that your piece matched your title. Is that a coincidence, or were you planning on that? Does it mean something deeper than what it is saying? These are all questions that could be answered in the next piece of this installment.
I also noticed that there wasn't much explaining going on in this story. I don't know if you wanted it like that, some people write their story with little or barely any details (Goodness knows I have done it once upon a time) but there is that certain balance that I believe one should do to describe their work, and I think this falls a little short of that goal. Not much, mind you, but just enough for me to be nit-picky.
I have to say, you left me at a cliffhanger. You certainly did! I did not know what would happen for the entire story, however short it may be, because you always kept me guessing with your work!
I love this! It gives many a meaning, both shallow in depth and deep! I do hope you keep on writing things like this. It is truly magnificient.
I hope this helped,
Quest
Thank you. I was going for a minimalist style with this piece. I originally had a complete sentence but I thought it was just too wordy.
One quick question, the romantic sub-plot, does it work our should I leave it out in the draft?
Okay, this is my first review, bear with me please.
First thing I noticed was the fact that it was all one HUGE paragraph. Now that might be because you wrote it on your phone, and it may not be. That's just something you might want to look at if its not because of the phone thing though.
Going along with that, you would need a new paragraph every time someone else started to speak.
Then when you write something like a thought, you usually don't think 'cuz' you think, 'because', 'nothin' should be 'nothing'. When you have someone talking it's a bit different, and you can use those types of words, but you shouldn't otherwise.
Other than that I thought this was quite good.
I know it looks like a solid block of text. I have no idea why my indentations don't appear. If you have a solution please help. I really want people to read this.