Wow. I think this is your best yet. It's long, but it develops, and so subtly, and delicately... it carries none of the show-off, or lusty, or love-deprived, or attention-seeking, qualities that many of your others do, but is as airy as the fog you describe. It's so gentle... it seems to forget there's an audience at all, or an author... man, I really love this.
Bits I wasn't sure I liked: The repetition of 'reduced' in the last stanza
The 'pretend' in line 3 of the 6th stanza - it threw me off a bit, and pretend sounds immature somehow, even though I prefer that to just plain dreamed
The last stanza maybe is a little long, though I'm not sure about that... I really like every line of it (particularly the 'pumpkin carved thin' simile) but I feel it's a little long. I'm not sure it would be worth taking out one of those lines just to make the stanza shorter.
I particularly liked the rhyme of 'keep' and 'sleep' in the fourth stanza. It gives it something of a held together feel, like what you're describing. I also liked the way the stanzas didn't seem to have any predetermined lengh - it made it more real, like bits of thought from the other side of the cemetery that found the reader's ear in the fog. I think the sixth stanza is my favorite. The whole thing is the most beautiful thing I've read on this site as yet.
Points: 10087
Reviews: 701
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