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by BEWriter

Life seems nice, and so does snow, when seeing it shine against the glistening beams.

Then you walk outside, and the cold breeze reminds you how painful beauty can be.

But as you walk and walk and walk, you gain back feeling in your feet,

You realize that the chill you outrightly felt freed you from the long-lasting suffering of heat.

And as you continue to stroll you look to see everyone is laughing and speaking as one,

Tears fill your eyes as you keep your head down, listening to the others have fun.

That’s when the serenity leaves and you understand the feeling of lonely, rather than alone.

But when eyes meet you are set free, and everything from heat to cold from time to forever, all things turn to stone.

It’s nice to know there’s another soul who is as lost and frightened as you,

Because then you feel like you can rule the world, while just walking down the street as two.

No ruler rules forever, and that does not stop with you, because reality always sneaks up leaving you stuck and confused.

You can’t explain this feeling, something between apprehension and mania, so you drift to sleep because that’s all you know to do.

Waking up you feel nothing but lost, although reassurance overflows you,

As you smooth the wrinkles on your bed, and let the warm water rinse the suds from your hair, you feel that long lost sense of peace.

Because what can you control other than your actions, that will lead you through times of disbelief.

To choose to look up, or to see the beauty in pain, when in the moment is quite the feat.

But to glance back, into your past, you almost feel like a cheat,

Because how could it be so easy to find relief when choosing the hard thing.

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111 Reviews

Points: 9075
Reviews: 111

Tue Jan 14, 2020 7:55 pm
tgham99 wrote a review...

I'll admit that I'm not someone who typically enjoys second person poems but I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. I think you effectively convey a variety of emotions, though I think the length of a few lines could be condensed to make a more powerful statement but that's just a personal preference.

I like the final line a lot because it's very thought provoking -- this actually forced me to think a little bit more about what it actually means to choose the "hard" thing versus the "easy" thing.

There's almost a sense of desolate confusion that underlines this entire piece, which I'm assuming is your intention. If so, you did a great job of getting these emotions across to the reader through your words!

I will say that there does seem to be a lot going on and there seem to be multiple main messages/trains of thought that are all intermixed, which came across as confusing at a couple of times, but this could just be a side effect of the longer length of the lines. It's easier for me to read shorter, more concise lines, so that could be the case as well.

All in all, I think you have a solid foundation in terms of evoking emotion and specific thoughts from your reader. Good job!!

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48 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 48

Tue Jan 14, 2020 7:45 pm
LadyGemstone wrote a review...

This is Gem climbing out of her Jewelry box for a review.

Okay honesty, at first I though, this will be cutsie and I may even like it.

reality check.

I love it. This is an absolutely wonderful poem. It makes me think of my own life and is very relatable just through the symbolism. I love it. I love it. This is a poem that I would reread just for the memories that have been tucked away from fear of the pain from choices long ago, to surface so happily and harmlessly again. This makes me reminise, this sumarises going through life. I can't thank your brilliant little mind enough for putting the words in the right places to make this such a beautiful pleasing read. It somehow re ordered some of my sad forgotten memories, reading this, into a pleasant collage of cheer. I guess I'm trying to say, it kind of gave me a new outlook?

No exageration. This poetry has made me grateful for what I have had. Somehow. And I know it isnt even the topic. But that is how it hit me.

Rereading it by the title perspective. I understand it that way too. It is almost like the first day of elementrary school in my mind, crunching through the snowy playground looking for a friend.

Keep writing.
This is Gem signing off.

Random avatar
BEWriter says...

Seriously thank you so much! This means so much to me!

LadyGemstone says...

I am glad I could help. <3

The words you speak become the house you live in.
— Hafiz