Understanding

"The border must not be crossed It must stay real and true, without complications Because the truth is;There is no future beyond this line There never was.Stay on track and never lose focus of the goalThe most precious thing of all Understanding" I love these lines, they were my favorite. overall i really loved this poem, one nit-pick all the lines start capitalized. only capitilize the beginings of sentances.

This was really cool. I like how you didn't have a rhyme, and you had what I call a rhythm for lack of a better word, but it was scattered and almost misplaced, but also placed so perfectly at he same time. Quite abstract and wordy, you might want to throw in some more imagery? But I really do like it. Great Job!
~Lukan

the poem is really beautiful!
i really like it...

Hey, Azz! I'm considered one of the more... er... harsher of YWS, but I do really want to help you, so if you have any questions, feel free to PM me!

First of all, I read your poem, and it seemed like you loved adjectives, maybe a bit too much. For example, let me show you your poem without any adjectives or adverbs:

The border must not be crossed
It must stay without complications
Because the truth is;
There is no future beyond this line
There never was.
Pain and regret would follow

The line shows no remorse,
It is
Like a serpent wrapping itself around and never letting go
Growing, soon to run out of breath

How could he know right from wrong
When he does not begin to comprehend
The repercussions involved?
Will it ever make sense to him?
Who knows?

He will spend hours in darkness waiting,
Hoping for an answer that when thought about
Was always right in front of him,
Urging him to stay on the path
Stay on track and never lose focus of the goal
The thing of all
Understanding

So obviously, some of your words don't really make sense, but look how bland the poem is now! It's really, really bland and tasteless, which means that you're spending way too much time looking for the right adjective or adverbs. You have to realize, first and foremost, that poetry is all about the conflict. And the best way to describe conflict is through nouns and verbs. Why? Because that gives it a stronger, more forceful feel to the poem than adjectives and adverbs. Even with soft poems, which are designed to flow nice and smooth, you still want to smack the reader senseless with the power of the words.

Check this soft poem out:

The Mill, by Edwin Arlington Robinson

The miller's wife had waited long,
The tea was cold, the fire was dead;
And there might yet be nothing wrong
In how he went and what he said:
"There are no millers any more,"
Was all that she heard him say;
And he had lingered at the door
So long it seemed like yesterday.

Sick with a fear that had no form
She knew that she was there at last;
And in the mill there was a warm
And mealy fragrance of the past.
What else there was would only seem
To say again what he had meant;
And what was hanging from a beam
Would not have heeded where she went.

And if she thought it followed her,
She may have reasoned in the dark
That one way of the few there were
Would hide her and would leave no mark:
Black water, smooth above the weir
Like starry velvet in the night,
Though ruffled once, would soon appear
The same as ever to the sight.

He will spend hours in complete darkness waiting,
Hoping for an answer

I like this a lot- your comparisons to a constricting snake were particularly apt. Overall, a good representation of what you must have been feeling.
Some advice for the future: splash a few more images in there. Paint more of a picture, maybe. Then again, since this is all about logic and feeling, it might be all right.
Good work.